Monday 6/1/09 - "HOME AGAIN - HOME AGAIN"

"HOME AGAIN - HOME AGAIN -
JIGGITY JOG"

Hi everyone. I'm back from my weekend 11th step spiritual retreat. Wow, I'm still processing. It will take me a while to sort out what I want to write about it. For now, let me just say that as I expected God had some things in store to show me while I was there......as I know He was also showing many things to everyone who participated.

I will share about the retreat later in the week.

For now, I'm picking up on Mr. Steve's invitation to blog about:

THE SIX THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY

1. It makes me so happy to have the opportunity to attend a spiritual retreat and that I valued myself enough to give it to myself as a gift for my birthday. The peace and serenity, the closeness to God, the friendships that I experienced.....it's all just so very good.

2. It makes me happy anytime God puts an 'urging' in my mind to reach out and offer my healing touch to someone or to just reach out to another and discover later they have experienced a healing. This is a joy beyond description.

3. It makes me happy when a poem or prayer or a prayer poem is born. That also brings a satisfaction and joy beyond compare. I would need a poem to describe the wonder of creating a poem.

4. Getting back to the very mundane - I am happy, happy, happy when I sit down to enjoy a Starbucks extra hot vanilla latte or caramel macchiato. I swoon. It is the one addiction that I still allow in my life.

5. I am happy when my son and daughter are happy. When they have good news, things are going well for them or they have had a difficult situation that has been resolved, I feel happy and very grateful.

6a. I am happy for the relationship I have with God. I am happy that today I know what I have been searching for all my life and I have begun to find it.

6b. Last, but certainly not least, in fact mostly....I am happy to have found my husband and to be living whatever years God graces us with together.

....oh heck, I have to add a 6c. I am happy for my recovery that has allowed all of the above and to have found the recovery blogosphere and you, my dear readers and writers.

Love you,
Prayer Girl

Friday 5/29/09 - "THE BOX - ACTION"

FLASH FICTION FRIDAY 55

"THE BOX - ACTION"

No! Wait! Before she dials, she'll pour a drink. She thinks about how she's been hiding the scars and bruises and drinking takes the pain away.

The drinking worries her. She'll ask Lucy to take her to another meeting.

She dials, it's ringing, and then she hears, "Hello, abuse hotline. Can I help you?"

"Yes!..."

Prayer Girl
__________________
Note: The following was LAST WEEK's
"55 Flash Fiction Friday"

"THE BOX - HOPE IS COMING"

She knows she's ready to call as she picks up the phone.

He threatened if she seeks help he'll file for divorce.

She's thinking about this in a new way.

She felt hope in that room with Lucy and that's a win.

Getting better would be a win. She feels something new, perhaps it's courage.
________________________

Every Friday, compose a short story of 55 words - no more, no less. if you want to join in the fun and games and give it a try...post your story and report to the boss G-Man!

Thursday, 5/28/09 - "GOOD-BYE MY FRIEND"

"GOOD-BYE MY FRIEND"

Initially my blog for Thursday was going to be:

"ON SABBATICAL"

I sat with that idea for 24 hours and by the time this morning arrived, I ditched that thought.

So....today's blog is about my close to 6 years sober in Alcoholics Anonymous sponsee who is moving very far away next Tuesday. (I mentioned her moving a few weeks ago.)

Last Saturday there was a 'going away' party for her with lots of friends, food, fun, photos, and tears. I had someone take some pictures with my camera with a gift in mind. I didn't take a gift or card to the party as I knew I would be seeing her solo the following Monday.

I found a picture of her and me, arms around each other, smiling in the sunshine of a back yard covered with green bushes and trees all around us. I found a two part frame and placed our picture in one section and a poem I wrote her in the other.

This is the poem:

GOOD-BYE MY FRIEND
There'll always be a special place
Tucked gently down inside
Where I can touch and see your face
Your memory close, right by my side

I'll feel the radiance of your smile
Feel the power of your eyes
I will sit with these for just a while -
For moments - then I'll say good-bye

God has laid a piece of you in me
And I in you, I'm sure
And with these gifts we'll always see
Our spirits shared and pure

Never forget just who you are
A gentle, peaceful, God-like soul
Let nothing come inside and mar
God's gift of love that makes you whole
Prayer Girl
May 23, 2009

Life will be different without her. I will miss her dearly. I will try not to cry. I'm not against tears at all, but I've shed so many in my life - I just really don't want to cry this time.

I am giving myself a birthday present tomorrow. I'm going to another 11th step spiritual retreat over the weekend. This time I'm going with my sponsor. I am so excited to be able to spend some quality time with her. I pray God blesses her, me, and the weekend.

Bye for now and God bless.
Prayer Girl

Wednesday 5/26/09 - "ALMOST WORDLESS WEDNESDAY"

"ALMOST WORDLESS WEDNESDAY"


It's my wedding anniversary day today!

Prayer Girl

Tuesday, 5/26/09 - "ABUNDANCE"

"ABUNDANCE"

"Lose sight of all limitations. Abundance is God's Supply. Turn out all limited thoughts. Receive showers..."
(From "God Calling", A.J. Russell, May 24)

What are the predominant thoughts filling my mind today? Are they thoughts of lack, limitation, negativity OR thoughts of plenty, abundance, and positivity?

There is an 8a.m. meeting everyday at a club near my house and every day they read a piece about attitude. The final sentence is - life is 90% attitude and 10% what happens to you. I need to cultivate my attitude to produce plenty of positive thoughts.

When I arrived battered, broken, bent, and bowed down to my knees in surrender and defeat at the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous, my mind was filled with despair. Despite that, there was one small positive thought, that somehow all would be alright and there was a tiny spark of hope. I believe this positive thought was a gift from God.

My mind was involved in furious battle for many of my early years in recovery - a war of positive versus negative thinking and good versus bad labeling. Gradually through constant repetition and practice of the 12 steps and living the AA way of life, my thinking and attitudes shifted from primarily lack and limit to plenty and abundance.

If I find the following kinds of thoughts in my head, I know I need to take action quickly to change my thinking:

I can't ever overcome my past.
I don't have enough.
It will never happen.
I'm stupid.
I'm old.
I'll never change.
This situation will never change.
I am fearful.
It's hopeless.
Life is sad.
Life sucks.
etc.

When I have thoughts like the following in my mind, I believe I'm on the right path:

Anything and everything is possible.
Prayer changes things.
I am enough.
I am happy, joyous and free.
I can change.
The situation will change.
God will provide.
God is in charge.
Life is beautiful.
etc.

Today life is beautiful. I have many people in my life that I love and I feel loved by others. I even love myself. It doesn't get much better than this.

Prayer Girl

Monday, 5/25/09 - "A DAY TO REMEMBER & A DAY TO CELEBRATE"

(Arlington National Cemetery)

"A DAY TO REMEMBER &
A DAY TO CELEBRATE"

May 25th this year is a day of opposites -
solemnity and joy.

This May 25th is "Memorial Day", a day I like to remember those who have died in the defense of our country. I feel privileged and very grateful to have been born in America. I know that I owe much to the men and women who have given their lives for my freedom and the freedom of others. I feel sadness, loss, and great compassion for families who have lost loved ones. I pray for the souls of those who died and for those who mourn them.

May 25th is also a day of celebration for this year Mr. Steveroni's birthday falls on the same day as Memorial Day. Mr. Steve is not one for much celebrating of birthdays, but I am honoring his special day by blogging it. I have also enticed him to accept an invitation for coffee together sometime on "his" day.

God bless the remembrances of Memorial Day and the celebrations of hubby's birthday.

God bless you bloggers too.

Prayer Girl

Saturday, 5/23/09 - "CREATING THE PATH TO YOUR FUTURE"

(Path to the future)

"CREATING THE PATH
TO YOUR FUTURE"

My post today is dedicated to all who are feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, unable to cope, feeling like they are near the end of the rope, wanting to give up, worthless, confused, powerless.

I have 'been there and done that'. I used to live there, it was my basic life position. Then......I found recovery. I have been in recovery for a lot of years and I no longer live in that negative place, but I can return there IF I don't continue to work on enriching the soil of my life. I can return to that arid, parched, and fruitless ground.

This morning I read some passages that reminded me of the work and the time that it took for me to change, to become happy, joyous, and free, and to develop a new outlook on life.

Some excerpts:
"Do not ask for love unless you're ready to be healed enough to give and receive love.

Do not ask for joy unless you're ready to feel and release your pain, so you can feel joy.

Do not ask for success unless you're ready to conquer the behaviors that would sabotage success.

All good things are ours for the asking. But first, groundwork - preparation work - must be done.

A gardener would not plant seeds unless the ground was adequately prepared to nurture and nourish those seeds. The planting would be wasted effort. It would be wasted effort for us to get what we wanted before we were ready.

Next we let go of the old "programming" - the behaviors and beliefs that interfere with nurturing and nourishing the good. Many of us have strong sabotaging programs, learned from childhood, that need to be released. We may need to "act as if" for a while until the belief that we deserve the good becomes real.

We combine this process with much letting go, while we are being changed at the core.

Good things are ours for the asking, if we are willing to participate in the work of groundbreaking. Work and wait.

Today, God, give me the courage to identify the good I want in my life and to ask for it. Give me also the faith and stamina I need to go through the work that must be accomplished first."

(From: "The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie, "Times of Reprogramming" May 22, pp. 140 & 141.)

Hope - there is plenty of hope. I found mine in Alcoholics Anonymous and then when I was filled with it, I found an even greater measure in Al-Anon.

The PATH to my POSITIVE FUTURE is filled with the twelve steps, my fellow recovering friends, the meetings I attend, my sponsors, God, and PLENTY of PRAYER. Don't despair. Don't give up. Keep trudging the road to your happy destiny. It is there if you keep tilling the soil of your life. You will find it.

Peace and hope,
Prayer Girl

Friday, 5/22/09 - "THE BOX - HOPE IS COMING"

FLASH FICTION FRIDAY 55

"THE BOX - HOPE IS COMING"

She knows she's ready to call as she picks up the phone.

He threatened if she seeks help he'll file for divorce.

She's thinking about this in a new way.

She felt hope in that room with Lucy and that's a win.

Getting better would be a win.

She feels something new, perhaps it's courage.

Prayer Girl
_______________________
Note: The following was LAST WEEK's
"55 Flash Fiction Friday":

"THE BOX - ALL IS CALM"

The hour has passed. She is confused but hears a gentle voice in her mind whispering, "All is well." An inexplicable calm settles over her.

She turns to Lucy and says, "When will you come again? Will you bring me?

She is returning home to "him", but there is less worry and fear at this moment.
___________________________
Friday Flash 55 is a story written in exactly 55 words. Let the G-Man know if you write one and
read the ones of your fellow writers.

Wednesday, 5/20/09 - "BEAUTIFUL CENTRAL FLORIDA - HERE WE COME!"

"BEAUTIFUL CENTRAL FLORIDA -
HERE WE COME!"

Wednesday morning we'll be off in our new RAV4 on a little road trip to Central Florida (where there are honest to goodness hills) for a visit with Mr. Steveroni's daughter. It certainly is something to look forward to - visiting someone who loves you, says so, and is a wonderful hostess on top of that. Oh yes, and did I add that she is a great cook too? I plan to scrap the good eating habits for our day with her.

While there -
Maybe there will be a trip to the local Starbucks.
Maybe there will be an AA meeting.
Maybe there will be a game of scrabble.
Those are all maybes, but one thing I am SURE of is that there will be lots of intimate, interesting conversation.

As is often the case, there are thoughts in my mind about what God may have in store during this visit. Peace, serenity, joy, love, and happiness will surely rule the day, but sometimes God surprises me with other things. I love to just sit, listen, be open, wait, and see what develops.

Life is full of wonder and excitement when I live it this way.

May your day be full of wonder.

Prayer Girl

Tuesday, 5/19/09 - "COUPLES - THE THEME OF THE DAY"

"COUPLES -
THE THEME OF THE DAY"

It's Monday and I was at my hospital pastoral care assistant volunteering gig. I wasn't looking for a theme - it never entered my mind. Yet, at the end of my shift when I was signing out for the day, I saw the chaplain. It came to me as I was saying hello to him that there had been a theme for that day and I told him about it.

Today's theme was "couples".

One of my first visits was to a room in the Progressive Care Unit. The names on my sheet were a female and male name with the same last name. As I entered the room, it was obvious that they were husband and wife. Neither were awake or conscious - I'm not sure which. I said a silent prayer over them. It looked like they had been in an auto accident. That was a haunting image. I continue to pray for them.

Near the end of my day I randomly picked someone to visit who had been in the hospital only one day. This gentleman seemed to be a little confused, but was able to talk with me. He spoke very quietly and very little, but at one point he said his wife was in the hospital too. I quickly scanned all my sheets for the same last name and found her on the same floor, but in the north tower. He was in the south tower. I told him I would try to visit her and asked what message he would like me to give her. He said to ask her to get well quickly. I did find his wife just before I left for the day and did convey his message to her. These were two visits that touched my heart.

On my way home, I realized there was another "couple" visit. I went to see a woman and her husband was there. The three of us talked. She was midway through chemo treatments for lung cancer when she became dehydrated and ended up in the hospital. Her husband explained that even with treatment there was very little hope for recovery for any significant time. The two of them were facing a very tough decision. They have a doctor they both really trust and are going to talk everything over with this doctor. We prayed together and I knew that God was present.

"Couples" - for me this was a beautiful, touching theme - a wonderful gift from God to me. I don't deserve this, but am ever grateful for God's grace in my life.

Prayer Girl

Monday, 5/18/09 - "CONTROL"

(I'll say it again and again till you hear me!)

"CONTROL"

"Stating my opinion once is appropriate, any more than that is an attempt at governing those around me."
(From "Hope For Today, p. 133)

When I was young, I remember my mother leaving newspaper and magazine articles next to my brother's breakfast plate many mornings. (This was a looooong time ago.) Several years ago my brother told me he never read a one - they went directly into the "circular file". My mother was trying in her own way to change my brother. It didn't work. In Al-Anon, I have learned that this kind of behavior is called "controlling behavior".

I think about how often I have tried to get someone to "hear me". I can repeat things over and over. Oh, I dress each attempt up in different words, say it with a different intensity, use different examples, but it's still saying the same thing. I now realize this is "....an attempt at governing those around me."

Maybe 26 years ago when I was still working in a nursing home and arriving at my alcoholic bottom, a nurse where I worked came in and closed the door and began to talk to me about alcoholism. She saw my hands shaking and many other signs. She knew I was in deep trouble. I didn't. Me - - I was in total denial. Inside my mind, I put up a wall of steel to prevent myself from hearing her words. I thought they went in one ear and I pushed them out the other ear. This woman was an alcoholic herself - in recovery at the time - and she explained what was happening to me.

She never repeated her words again. I thought I didn't hear her, but I did. Her words had made it into my mind and found a hiding place in there. When the time was right, they surfaced and I have never forgotten her or her words. When I got sober I thanked her several times for her kindness. I now know I kept those words in my mind because they resonated with me - one alcoholic talking to another alcoholic. She spoke "my language". She "knew" me when I didn't know myself.

I have found a tool I can use for myself. If I find myself repeating something over and over to another - trying to get them to see things 'my way' - then I am controlling. This controlling sets up more and more resistance to what I am trying to convey and produces the exact opposite of what I desire.

It is much better to go to God in prayer, ask for guidance about what I need to say, and then:
"Say what I mean."
"Mean what I say."
"Don't say it mean."

And I will add - - - - AND SAY IT ONCE!

Thank God for Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon.
Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: Afternoon Squabble by Florida Fan)

Sunday, 5/17/09 - "GRATEFUL SUNDAY"

(Remember - nothing is impossible)

"GRATEFUL SUNDAY"

My heart is filled to overflowing with gratitude.

I am grateful that with God nothing is impossible.

Friday night after attending a benefit for a friend with liver cancer, watching the Farrah Fawcett special all about her cancer, anticipating the purchase of a vehicle, I had one of those nights with almost no sleep. I don't do well with little sleep. Since I couldn't sleep, I got up and went to the early 7:00 Alcoholics Anonymous meeting with Mr. Steveroni before heading up the road to buy our new RAV4.

I am grateful that when we got home I was able to take a two hour nap that revived me enough to enjoy the rest of yesterday.

I am grateful that I got a good night's sleep last night and feel wonderfully rested this morning.

I am grateful for my friends, sponsees, and all the recovering people God has brought my way - both face-to-face and in the blog world.

I am grateful that today, Sunday, I have awakened to a beautiful sunny morning. Everything outside is green instead of parched brown. Our Florida summer rains have finally begun after a long stretch of very dry conditions.

I am grateful to be going to mass shortly and then to my home group Al-Anon meeting.

I am grateful Mr. Steveroni and I will be going to a birthday party for an AA friend this afternoon where we will see others we know and enjoy good company and good food. We'll be taking our "famous, handed-down-in-the-family recipe", finely- very finely - chopped coleslaw.

I am grateful for the invitation, grateful that people like our company, and grateful that I have progressed enough that I can go and have a good time.

I am grateful for my faithful readers. I am grateful for all those who comment. I am just grateful to have been given the gift of sobriety before my brain became "wet", can still think, and have the ability to write.

I am grateful for my faith and trust in God.....that He will continue to give me the power to stay sober, that He is leading me down a path that allows me to always grow and change, that my life continues to get better and better, and that He gives me the ability to help others.

Gratefully,
Prayer Girl

Saturday, 5/16/09 - "ONE STRANGE DAY"

"ONE STRANGE DAY"

From the moment I opened my eyes this morning, it was one very strange day and turned out very differently than I had planned. I awoke with one ear plugged up and unable to hear. I tried several home remedies that sometimes help open my ear. They didn't work. I had to make an appointment for later in the day.

As I was trying to reach a doctor to make an appointment, a sponsee called wanting to stop by my home right away - in trouble. Several minutes later she was here. This lovely lovely girl has, thank God, learned that an alcoholic cannot keep a secret - it will get her drunk. So, we talked, reaffirmed together that alcohol is cunning, baffling, and powerful, and the will alone is no match for it. God is the only remedy.

Then off to look for a new car.

After that, it was an hour and a half waiting for the doctor and being treated. I can now hear perfectly and don't feel like there is an apple in my ear.

Five o'clock arrived and I was at a benefit function for a young woman who has the same history with cancer as Farrah Fawcett. I am writing this blog as the special about Farrah is airing on T.V.

I met Liz, age 45, towards the end of her radiation treatments for anal cancer. She was then declared cancer free, but within six months was diagnosed with liver cancer. The benefit at a local Mexican restaurant was to help her with medical expenses and for her very young son in the future.

An Al-Anon sponsee is this girl's very good friend and is the person who introduced me to her. I have put my hands on Liz once about a year ago. I feel a very strong spiritual attachment to her. I have no idea what God's purpose is, but I'm here and available.

I feel fulfilled this evening. I feel blessed. I look forward to sleep.

Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: Splash in the Sky by Vandana Rajagopalan)

Friday, 5/15/09 - "THE BOX - ALL IS CALM"

Calm waters)

FLASH FICTION FRIDAY 55

"THE BOX - ALL IS CALM"

The hour has passed. She is confused but hears a gentle voice in her mind whispering, "All is well." An inexplicable calm settles over her.

She turns to Lucy and says, "When will you come again? Will you bring me?

She is returning home to "him", but there is less worry and fear at this moment.

Prayer Girl
________________________________________
Note: The following was LAST WEEK's
"55 Flash Fiction Friday":

"THE BOX - SHATTERED"

She glances at her watch. It's three hours since they talked and now she and Lucy are in a room filled with laughing, smiling people who seem to glow just like Lucy.

What is happening?

She doesn't know, but she feels lighter, freer.

The room then becomes silent. She hears, "God grant me the serenity..."
_________________________
Every Friday, compose a short story of 55 words -
no more, no less. if you want to join in the
fun and games and give it a try...post your story
and report to the boss G-Man!

Thursday, 5/14/09 - "MY SPIRITUAL RX"

"MY SPIRITUAL RX"

I have described in past blogs my first personal encounter with a priest. I asked for guidance when I discovered my gift of "healing touch". After a discussion with him that lasted about 45 minutes, he told me something that summarized everything I needed to know to help me deal with things I did not understand.

He gave me what I call "MY SPIRITUAL RX". It helps me see things I don't understand in different ways and it gives me lots of hope in what seem like hopeless situations.

This is "MY SPIRITUAL RX":
1. It's not about me.
2. God has His purposes.
3. Don't limit God.

I can't count the number of times in my life I have asked the question, "Why?" I have not understood why things turned out as they did or why I made the choices that I made.
Why did this happen? Why did that happen?

Looking back from the vantage point of almost 25 years in Alcoholics Anonymous and 4 1/2 years in Al-Anon, I find the Spiritual Rx given me has helped me better understand my past and the present. More often, it has helped me to not have to understand.

Throughout my life I have had questions like:
Why did my first marriage end in divorce?
Why did my first husband end up an alcoholic?
Why did I end up an alcoholic?
Why did I ditch my Masters' degree program in favor of marriage?
Why did I have to suffer from depression such a large portion of my life?
Why did I suffer post-postpartum depression after the birth of both of my children and never knew it till many, many years later. (and therefore went untreated)
Many other questions.

Today, I have some answers to some of these questions, but more importantly, I find that the answers to most of the questions don't matter. I have come to believe that my life has unfolded exactly as it was supposed to.

I know that God has His purposes in all that happens and it is not necessary I understand them. When I get too involved analyzing, second-guessing, and playing God, I tend to mess things up.

When I just allow God's plans to unfold and I cooperate, God's power and His will are limitless. I can watch life happen and marvel at God's work and feel at peace that He has chosen to use me in some small measure.

I find peace when I realize that:
It's not about me,
God has His purposes.
I don't have to limit God.

I believe this "SPIRITUAL RX" is for all of us.
You too!

Prayer Girl

Wednesday, 5/13/09 - "PERFECTION"

"PERFECTION"

"Much pain comes from trying to be perfect. Perfection is impossible unless we think of it in a new way: Perfection is being who and where we are today; it's accepting and loving ourselves just as we are. We are each right where we need to be in our recovery.
(From: "The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie, May 11, Perfection, p. 131)

The myth of perfection that I sometimes find myself subscribing to is fueled by my lack of self-esteem.

This expresses itself in thoughts like:
I'm not as good as "A".
OR
My writing isn't as good as "B".
OR
I don't have enough of "X, Y, Z".

And in statements to myself like:
"Boy, was that stupid."
"I am so stupid."
"I must be crazy."
"My goals are hopeless."

This struggle with perfectionism is one of the things that motivated me to go to Al-Anon when I was 19 years sober in Alcoholics Anonymous. That was almost 5 years ago. I was happy and sober, but I was still experiencing painful feelings and discovered how often the kinds of thoughts and mind-statements expressed above occupied my mind.

Up to this point, I was pretty unaware of the fact that this lack of self-esteem was still a problem and preventing me from being everything God intended for me.

I came to understand that it was vitally important to take action to eliminate my self-critical, judgmental, and censoring thinking. Prayer, affirmations, and more use of the "Serenity Prayer" was the beginning of the solution for me.

I am grateful for:
Discovering that the less I judge, criticize, and censor myself harshly - the less I judge, criticize, and censor others.

Being able to be happy with myself even though I am not perfect.

Accepting myself as I am and at the same time being desirous of improving.

Finding medical coverage when my Cobra coverage runs out.

The blessings of family and friends.

Prayer Girl

Tuesday, 5/12/09 - "CREATING MEMORIES"

"CREATING MEMORIES"

Enjoying the love, pleasure, and beautiful nostalgic feelings of past memories is a wonderful gift.

That's what I did for Mother's Day - I remembered my mother and being a mother.

Today is a new day and I feel it is equally important for me to actively create memories now that I will be able to draw on to remember love, pleasure, and beautiful nostalgic feelings someday in the future.

Today was another glorious day in the town where I live on the Gulf of Mexico. Today I created memories for my future. My daughter--who has been visiting a few days--and I went to the beach again. We had been to there on Friday. Today, the water was spectacular, there wasn't a cloud in the sky, and the water a perfect temperature for swimming and just lolling in the light chop. We spent about an hour and a half just lazing around on our raft.

We took a half hour walk along the shore taking lots of pictures including the one above.

After the beach, we made a stop at a little place that has become a little ritual - coney dogs at "Skyline Chili".....mine with chili and cheese, her's with cheese. Very yummy!

This evening I was just sitting on the sofa with hubby and I put my arms around him, snuggled closely, and we just sat quietly for a while. I'm creating a beautiful memory for the future.

Yesterday, I received a call early in the morning from my son wishing me a Happy Mother's Day. Later yesterday, his delightful new wife called me also to wish me the same. Today a card arrived from the two of them. Creation of a beautiful memory.

My birthday is at the end of the month and happens to be on the same day that my sponsor and I are going together on a weekend spiritual retreat. We will be creating a memory.

I love this idea. Why not create your own memory for the future?

Prayer Girl

Monday, 5/11/09 - GRATEFUL MEMORIES"

"GRATEFUL MEMORIES"

Postscript to my Mother's Day blog yesterday:

"The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness." - Honore de Balzac

I am grateful for the memory of my son when he was very young. We lived in Maryland and our first real home was in a hilly area. I remember having a seat on the back of my bicycle and I would ride him around our neighborhood. I did well going downhill and it was a lot more difficult coming back home uphill.

I also remember at the end of our block there was a grassy area between homes that led down a hill behind the houses to a stream. It was beautiful down there with moss covered rocks, lots of trees, ferns, and flowers. My son and I would walk down there often and play all kinds of fantasy games - making up all kinds of pretend stories.

I am grateful for the memory of my daughter when she was young. I remember the times we played singing star in the backyard and she would sing into the sprinkler heads that were perched up on poles as if they were microphones. I was the adoring audience.

I remember my daughter's "flip-a-thons". She had three close girlfriends and they would meet at the local playground and do gymnastics, hanging and swinging from the jungle gyms. I would end up being the only mother of the four invited that would come to their "competition". The worst part was that my daughter would insist that I "judge" them. That was a totally 'lose/lose' situation. Somehow I always managed to applaud my daughter and make the other girls feel like they were good too.

I am grateful for the memories I have of my mother. I remember taking the bus with her from the suburbs into downtown Washington, D.C. to go shopping. We adored our outings. Sometimes we went to the little shops in Georgetown and other times to the big department stores down downtown. I was young and it always made me feel so grownup to be shopping with my mom.

We would sometimes have lunch in a little place called "The Neptune Room". You walked down a very steep flight of stairs into the restaurant below. As you descended the stairs, there was a big picture of King Neptune on the wall above. There was a piano player in the dining room. I thought it was just totally glamorous.

I have not even scratched the surface of the countless wonderful memories I have.

This has been just a little trip down a grateful memory lane. I have loved it.

Prayer Girl

Sunday, 5/10/09 - "MOTHER'S DAY REFLECTIONS"

"MOTHER'S DAY -
Prayer Girl's REFLECTIONS"

If it is Mother's Day, then there are children.

Mothers and children go together.

If you are a mother, you have a child - in one sense or another.

You may be a mother to your own children....your natural children, adopted children, step-children, daughter-in-laws, or son-in-laws.

Some of us are 'like mothers' to children....teachers, nurses, other people working with and for children.

Even grown up, sons and daughters are always a Mother's children.

All of us had mothers.....some still living, some already gone.

My blog is written as a prayer of blessing to all mothers.

I am saying a 'hello' prayer to my mother. "Mom, I miss you and I cherish the memories I have of happy times we shared."

I am sending a special Mother's Day prayer to God asking Him to watch over the two precious gifts He sent me - my son and my daughter.

God bless all mothers everywhere.

God bless you, the reader, and your mother.

For those who have difficulty being a mother and for those with difficulties with their own mothers, I pray God's help and blessings on you.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

Prayer Girl

Saturday, 5/9/09 - "TAKING A STEP BY PHONE? NOT!"

"TAKING A STEP BY PHONE? NOT!"

I’ve been sponsoring girls in Alcoholics Anonymous and now also in Al-Anon for many years and dearly love all the women God has brought into my life.

I have been told many very private things and sometimes things very different from my own experiences. I have also been asked many questions, some of them strange to me. I consider this “par for the course”. After all, guiding someone into this new life is a lot like guiding someone who has never heard of the deepest parts of Africa on a safari through the jungle.

Recently I was asked a question by a sponsee unlike any I have ever been asked before. The question was, "Could you take me through the 10th step over the phone?"

This person lives part of the year in the town where I live and the other part of the year in another state. We had four months to accomplish completing this step, but she never had the time to do it.

My thoughts about this question are several.

First, the steps, each and every one of them, are “life” to us alcoholics. They are priceless gifts of incalculable value. Each one requires and deserves more intimacy than a phone call can provide.

Second, volumes of information are conveyed between people with their facial expressions and body language that cannot be transmitted over the phone.

Third, I had an idea while thinking about my response. Doing a step over the phone would be like hearing a confession or saying wedding vows over the phone

And finally, the steps are spiritual and doing a step with another person is a spiritual matter.

I suggested that she take the next step with a woman she talks with in the other state where she lives. Our alcoholism does not wait patiently for us to find someone to work through a step with. Our alcoholism is patiently waiting to find us "off guard" to take us by surprise. We must always be prepared and working on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.

I pray for this lady that she will follow my suggestion. God bless her.

God bless you,
Prayer Girl

Friday, 5/8/09 - "THE BOX - SHATTERED"

(Bill Wilson's meeting room)

Every Friday, compose a short story of 55 words -
no more, no less. if you want to join in the
fun and games and give it a try...post your story
and report to the boss G-Man!

"THE BOX - SHATTERED"

She glances at her watch. It's three hours since they talked and now she and Lucy are in a room filled with laughing, smiling people who seem to glow just like Lucy.

What is happening?

She doesn't know, but she feels lighter, freer.

The room then becomes silent. She hears, "God grant me the serenity..."

Prayer Girl
____________________________

Note: The following was LAST WEEK'S "55 Flash Fiction Friday":

"THE BOX - IV"

They had met sitting at adjacent tables. She averted her eyes, then sneaked peeks at this stranger who fairly glowed.

The lady smiled at her with a smile that lit up the cafe and said softly, "Hi, I'm Lucy. We both seem to be alone. Want to talk?"

She hesitated and then cautiously replied, "Okay!"

Thursday, 5/7/09 - "INNOCENCE"

"INNOCENCE"

Where has your precious presence gone?
Where gone that simple innocence so pure?
It's gone and vanished with the ticking of the clock
Into a far and distant place - another time

Gone and lost - that fit - camaraderie we knew
A sweetest blend of pairing, sharing, caring
That was a very gift from God Himself
Where does it dwell? Where has it gone?

We were like special sister ships
With engines thrumming a perfect tune
Beating rhythmically as one
In the waters of our lives - it's gone

We were like ships set out from home
In perfect sync - with matching beats
Whose engines' ceased - and now we drift
Apart, alone, that loving link - it's lost

The innocence I knew is gone
It's crumbled into dust, blown on the wind
Dispersed and carried on the air
I pray with fervor, God, that it return

Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: Coy by Jennifer Alder)

Wednesday, 5/6/09 - "FEED ME, FEED ME!"

"FEED ME, FEED ME!"

When I woke up this morning, I asked God to feed me - to fill me up with His healing and loving spirit. He did. He fed me - mind, body, and spirit.

I put my feet in gear and my scooter in motion and went to an Al-Anon meeting. The topic was forgiveness. There is such healing in the act of forgiving. There was a lot of discussion and people were in all kinds of different places...some were at the place where they are not able to forgive (yet) because they believe it is the same as condoning the wrongs done to them. Others were just beginning to discover the good that comes from forgiving.

For myself, I have come to recognize that not forgiving is a poison that seeps through my whole self, an acid that burns into and destroys my soul. I understand today that most, if not all, of the people I have forgiven were sick, not bad people. When I do not forgive, I hurt only myself. I am willing to do whatever it takes to forgive. This meeting fed my spirit.

I forced myself to return to the gym today and complete my exercise routine. I tried to eat in a healthy manner. I even took a short nap. All these activities fed my body.

I spent time reading blogs, thinking about them, and commenting as well as writing this one. I listened to several sponsees describe problems they were having and tried to provide some support and guidance. These things fed my mind.

Tonight I can say I was fed - I feel well-nourished, satisfied, balanced, and at one with myself, my God, and my fellow man.

It feels wonderful to be in this "good space" at this moment.

I share it with you,
Prayer Girl

Tuesday, 5/6/09 - "RESTED"

(Me! Yesterday!)

"RESTED"

Even when I'm having fun, I can run totally out of steam. That's what happened yesterday.....not even enough heat to blog. When I run out - it is often mentally as well as physically.

Our weekend had my body and my mind on overdrive. My attention was caught from the first Alcoholics Anonymous speaker, Sister Rose, and Al-Anon speaker, Sister Maurice both from Bronx, NY, and my focus remained intent on the speakers right to the end of the weekend when we heard Sandy Beach from Tampa, Florida - there was practically no wandering of the mind. That is intense.

So, yesterday, I wanted to just stay in bed, but it was volunteer day at the hospital so I was up and out to visit patients. Yesterday's theme was "STRANGE". Normally the sheets I am given with patient names on them have stars next to names of people requesting a pastoral care assistant visit. The request can come from them, a family member, or hospital staff. Yesterday, no stars. The lady in charge was overwhelmed with work and didn't have time to prepare the list that way and handed it to me without those markings.

My first visit was to the ER. Last week I spoke briefly with every single person there. Yesterday, the charge nurse was no where to be found, the other nurses were either not around or told me a patient shouldn't be seen or that they were off somewhere for tests. Bottom line - I didn't see one person there. That felt odd.

I planned to visit patients who had been in the hospital 1, 2, and 3 days - new arrivals. I met two people who I will not soon forget. One was a lovely lady who had surgery the day before and woke up to be told that they had found so much cancer in her colon that they just closed her up. I think she may have been one of the people who had requested a visit and I am so glad I came to her room. Our visit was a blessing - certainly for me and I believe for her as well. She asked questions about Hospice - very aware that she is facing death now. She was not afraid of dying, but had much concern for her son. She told me about herself and I felt moved to share the story of my healing touch with her. She lingers in my mind.

Another lady was in the hospital because her implanted defibrillator had shocked her so hard that she had a seizure and pitched forward onto her face, breaking her jaw. I entered her room to visit her roommate, a new patient, but she wasn't there. This lady said she recognized me from church. We also had a conversation that blessed me and I hope her.

I would normally go work out at the gym after volunteering. I was only there once last week, but I was just too tired to go. Instead I went and picked up our kitty from being boarded over the weekend, went home, slept for two hours, and the rest of the day I looked like the little squirrel above.

Today, I'm off to an Al-Anon meeting and then I swear I'm going back to the gym. Once I get out of that routine, it is very difficult to get back into it again. But today I will - I promise myself.

Prayer Girl

Monday, 5/4/09 - "A VERY SHORT BLOG"

(AIM FOR GREATER HEIGHTS)

"A VERY SHORT BLOG"

"Home again, home again, jiggity-jog!"

We're back home after our wonderful, intense, spiritual, beautiful weekend. I am tired from the pace of the jam-packed event filled conference and the trip home, but I am so very happy and renewed.

I have returned with a belief that with God's help and guidance I will be able to "AIM FOR GREATER HEIGHTS"! I do not know what those "greater heights" will look like, but I believe they are there. I also believe they are attainable if I leave all the planning and execution to God and don't try to push Him aside and take over myself.

I also return with a desire to recommit myself to making time to be in "the silence" regularly, for it is there that I hear Him best.

This blog is truly a very short one,
but hopefully, sweet as well,
Prayer Girl

Sunday, 5/3/09 - "LIFTED OUT"

"LIFTED OUT"

One of the speakers at the AA Woodstock weekend I have been attending was a woman who spent 15 years in a convent as a nun and was excommunicated. She is over 30 years sober. She spoke on the fear and sex part of the 4th step. She used examples from her life. She described a transforming moment at the end of her drinking that ushered her into the beginning of sobriety.

She had, with a great deal of agonizing, come to a decision to end her own life. She had lived with the disease of alcoholism and all its consequences for most of her life and the obsession and compulsion to drink were always strong. She was in the process of deciding the method she would use to end her life when suddenly, in an instant in time, God intervened. He reached into her body and soul, grabbed hold of and 'lifted out' the obsession and compulsion to drink. She told the audience she had no idea how or why this happened, but 32 years later, it has never returned to her.

This same type of experience happened to me...a stunning miracle in my life and an example of how God can create new and powerful possibilities. I had been sober nearly 3 months in Alcoholics Anonymous hanging on by a thread, the obsession and compulsion never very far from me.

On the 4th of July, 1985 I drank again which set in motion once more that overwhelming necessity to drink. I drank that night and all the next day till I passed out sometime on July 5th.

When I awoke the morning of July 6th, God had reached into the depths of my body and soul, grabbed every trace of the obsession and compulsion to drink and 'lifted it out'. I do not know how He did this or why, but it happened. It has never returned - not for an instant. The thought of taking a drink has never entered my mind since that moment.

Since that day, I have been on a journey of spiritual awakening in Alcoholics Anonymous and anywhere else God chooses to make Himself known to me, reveal something of Himself to me.

Forever grateful,
Prayer Girl

Saturday, 5/2/09 - "IT DOESN'T GET MUCH BETTER THAN THIS!"

(The view from my little beach chair)

"IT DOESN'T GET MUCH
BETTER THAN THIS!"

Non-stop quality Alcoholics Anonymous speakers, one right after another....it doesn't get much better than this!

Being with hubby and friends in an oceanside location, gorgeous weather, comfortable accommodations...it doesn't get much better than this!

Being reminded of what I believe - that God gave me the precious gift of sobriety and I took hold of that gift firmly and have not let go, no matter what...it doesn't get much better than this!

Spending 2 1/2 hours listening to a speaker talk about the AA traditions and loving and agreeing with every minute of that talk...it doesn't get much better than this!

Hearing that the steps lead us to service and knowing that the more I give away, the more I keep and then receive even more. This fills me with gratitude, hope, and love...it doesn't get much better than this!

Making myself take time to go sit for an hour on the beach listening to the waves crash onto the shore, watching the rows of foaming curling waves, feeling the breeze blow all around me and ruffle my beach umbrella, feeling the presence of God....it doesn't get much better than this!

Using this alone time surrounded by the majesty of the sea and sand and air, the sights, sounds, and smells, and allowing God's spirit to flow in and rejuvenate my spirit...it doesn't get much better than this!

Having these moments sitting under my umbrella on the sand to write this blog to friends I have developed though we've never met...yet...it doesn't get much better than this!

Signing off from Cocoa Beach...it doesn't get much better than this,

Prayer Girl