Thursday 12/23/10 - "MERRY CHRISTMAS #2"

"MERRY CHRISTMAS #2"

BREATH IN GOD

BREATH OUT ANXIETY

BREATH IN GOD
BREATH OUT NEGATIVITY

BREATH IN GOD
BREATH OUT FEAR

BREATH IN HOPE
BREATH IN PEACE
BREATH IN LOVE

BREATH IN JOY

Prayer Girl

(Photo credits:
The Red Shed by Nancy Harker - Kodak picture of the day
Heavenly Skies by ShunMiya
Nativity by DarthMater@deviantart.com
Beside Still Waters by silendriel@deviantart.com)

Thursday 7/29/10 - "THE GRACE OF GOD"

"THE GRACE OF GOD"

Yesterday the women's meeting topic was "The Grace of God". The chairperson picked this topic from a list of suggested meeting discussion subjects. The meeting was a blessing to everyone.

My first thought was, "God's Grace has allowed me to survive myself and continues to help me survive myself. My problems are centered in my mind and the root of most, if not all, of my problems is my thinking. Through God's Grace I am able to change my thinking.

It is through God's Grace that when I woke from my last drunk I was given the gift of sobriety AND I was able to reach out (feebly as it was) and grab hold of it. It has been through God's grace that I have NEVER let go.

It is through God's Grace that the program of Alcoholics Anonymous was given to Bill Wilson, has survived through the years and was there for the taking when I was ready to surrender. The twelve steps have made the impossible - possible. I have finally found a way to change my thinking and attitudes and "get over myself".

Some other things I heard at this meeting were:
I was reminded that God either "is or isn't". God is "all or nothing". When I forget I just remember my history, my experiences and then the choice is clear - GOD IS AND GOD IS ALL.

God gives me the courage to "Let Go".

Even the experiences that I consider "bad" can be turned to the good and benefit my spiritual growth. It is wise to give thanks for the good and the bad.

In AA I have learned to feel, deal, heal and move on.

The pain is in my resistance and grace is found in the "letting go".

God gives me the courage to "let go".

Love you all,
Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: deserted island by bigcbigc@deviantart.com)

Sunday 5/23/10 - "ON RETREAT WITH GOD"

SUNDAY POEM

"ON RETREAT WITH GOD"

I see you hanging from each tendril of the mysterious Spanish moss
That dangles elegantly from the trees that line the darkened path

And there - peeking out are your rays of sunlight piercing the dark to light the way

And there - darting red of cardinal wings flitting bush to branch, fence post to pillar
Then lost from view into the lush foliage above

And there - again - your touch in gentlest breeze that sways the moss that drapes this wondrous world

Prayer Girl

(The theme of my 11th step retreat this weekend was "PEACE".
So - PEACE BE WITH YOU)

Photo credits: ME :)

Thursday 5/13/10 - "SHEPHERD ME, O GOD"

SHEPHERD ME, O GOD

Shepherd me, O God,
beyond my wants,
beyond my fears,
from death into life.

listen here:

Life can take us into waters that seem sure to drown us. Sometimes life's challenges seem like a fire that will surely burn us to ashes. We feel weak, fearful, unsure, lost, abandoned. Those of us who have walked through these dark places to the other side are called to be a beckoning beacon of light for those finding themselves on a frightening journey.

My alcoholism brought me to a place of despair and hopelessness. Many of the blogs I read are written by people who have also experienced days and nights of darkness - alcoholism, drug addiction, abuse. This may sound melodramatic, but for those of us who have been there, it is no exaggeration. We were trapped in situations that no matter what we thought, did, or said, we were unable to escape.

God is the source of my hope and the power that brought me slowly and gently out of the pit of Hell and into light and health. As He led me I was often unaware at the time of his gentle guidance, but in the retrospect of many years I can now see some of the ways He was there. I have learned that most of the time I do not know what is best for me, but God always knows what is best. The moment I surrendered my illusion of power over alcohol or much of anything else, realized how desperately I needed help, and handed the entirety of my life over to a power greater than myself, He was able to do for me what I was unable to do for myself.

God is my great and gentle "Shepherd". He led me to Alcoholics Anonymous where I found sobriety. He has led me into deeper and deeper levels of sobriety and given me the grace to be able to share some of what He has given me with others. I share my faith and trust as I share my experience, strength, and hope. I know many who are struggling - sponsees, friends, bloggers. I write this blog for them. There is hope. It is possible to navigate the deep waters without drowning and to emerge from the flames unscathed. I hope this blog will bring a measure of comfort.

Recently I have had trouble sitting down and writing a blog. A dear sponsee, L, told me this morning she looks often for my next blog to lift her spirit. I got motivated.

L finds herself in a most difficult time and being led to take steps that will be some of the most painful of her life. I love her and this blog is for her and the many others in deeply troubling circumstances. God is shepherding her, shepherding all of us out of the darkness and into the radiance of the light if we ask Him.

God bless L and all of my blogger friends.

Prayer Girl

(Photo credits: On the Waters of Bleached Rock by pastseeker@deviantart.com)

Tuesday 11/24/09 - "LIVING IN A FANTASY WORLD?"

"LIVING IN A FANTASY WORLD?"

Life according to an alcoholic's strange thinking is characterized by the regular use of rationalization, justification, and self-delusion that is considered rational and quite normal by the alcoholic.

I have been this person and I have lived with this person. It is hell. It is crazy making. Life becomes one big fantasy world that is more like a nightmare than a fun day at the park. A sunny day is called a cloudy day. A DUI is blamed on the person the alcoholic was drinking with.

The need to distort reality, denial, is the way life is lived. The truth must be hidden at any cost. What is the truth? The truth is that the alcoholic is in a total state of powerlessness whose life is completely unmanageable. With no way of dealing with the hopelessness of the situation, the alcoholic will not, cannot, must not see the reality of his life.

What is the answer? Steps 1, 2, 3. Whether I am the alcoholic or the person living with the alcoholic, the solution is the same. I must admit my powerlessness (over alcohol or the alcohol the other person is drinking), recognize and accept that only God can restore sanity, and make the decision to stop trying to fix things myself. I need to turn my will and my life over to God's care.

Powerlessness - need of God's power.
Insanity - God, good orderly direction, can restore me to sanity.
A life out of control - living in God's will can bring order.

God bless,
Prayer Girl

Tuesday 10/20/09 - "PURPOSES"

"PURPOSES"

God saved me from an alcoholic death. I could draw a line down the center of a piece of paper and list on one side of the line all the people in the world who have found sobriety. My name would be among them. I could then list on the other side of the line all those who have not found sobriety. If I then held that paper up and looked, the number of people not sober would be so very large that it would be impossible to even see the names of the sober individuals. (I heard this description from a well known Alcoholics Anonymous speaker, Sister Maurice.)

That kind of mental visual impresses me greatly. It reinforces my belief that I was saved for a reason. I have received a glimpse of God's purposes in my life as my sobriety has unfolded and as events have occurred.

These are some of the things I believe God saved me to do:

First and most importantly, I have an obligation and a desire to fulfill the 12th step of my Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon programs. It tells me that I am to carry the message of sobriety to other alcoholics and the message of hope to those affected by someone else's alcoholism. I am to "pass it on".

God's purpose for me has been to watch my children grow and be present for their graduations from high school and college. I was meant to be whatever example I am to the two of them. It was meant for me to be able to share in the joy of my son finding a woman he loves and to be at their wedding. It is God's will that I be able to shed some guiding light into the life of my daughter who is finding her way out of confusion.

God led me to join the catholic church. It was in that church that God first brought to my awareness my gift of a healing touch. I would never have predicted this outcome of my sobriety. It is God's purpose that I use this gift.

I sense God's purpose somewhere in all of the happenings of my life. I assume that "if it is happening, it must be God's will". I do my best to keep the following truths in my mind as I live one-day-at-a-time.

One - God has His purposes.

Two - God's purposes are often none of my business. I don't need to know what they are. I just need to seek to do God's will.

Three - I must not limit God. If God has a purpose for me to fulfill, then God will give me the power to carry it out.

Living God's purpose for my life today,

Prayer Girl

Thursday 10/8/09 - "ON TRUSTING GOD, HELPING OTHERS, AND RELATIONSHIP"

"ON TRUSTING GOD, HELPING OTHERS,
AND RELATIONSHIP"

TRUSTING GOD

"You must always remember that you are weak but that God is strong. God knows all about your weakness. He hears every cry for mercy, every sign of weakness, every plea for help, every sorrow over failure, every weakness felt and expressed. We only fail when we trust too much to our own strength. Do not feel bad about your weakness. When you are weak, that is when God is strong to help you."
From "Twenty-Four Hours a Day", October 7

HELPING OTHERS

"The best cure for worry, depression, melancholy, brooding, is to go deliberately forth and try to lift with one's sympathy the gloom of somebody else." - Arnold Bennett

RELATIONSHIP

"...alcoholism not only exists inside the body of the alcoholic, but is a disease of relationships as well."

From "Paths to Recovery", p. 8

"Since defective relations with other human beings have nearly always been the immediate cause of our woes, including our alcoholism, no field of investigation could yield more satisfying and valuable rewards than this one." From "Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions", p. 80

RELATIONSHIP CHANGE:

ORIGINAL RELATIONSHIP
A + B = C
where:
A = you
B = the other person
C = the relationship

Fact: you can not change the other person (B)
Fact: the relationship (C) is made up of two people, A & B
Fact: since you can't change the other person (B), you can't change the relationship (C) by changing B
Fact: you can change yourself with God's help
Fact: If you want a relationship to change, then you must change yourself
Fact: If you change, then you become D
Fact: If you change, then the relationship becomes E

NEW RELATIONSHIP:
D + B = E

Concerning relationships from "Hope For Today", p. 60, February 29
"I realized that I could transform "a" (myself) and get a different "c" (relationship), even if (b) (the alcoholic) never changed."

Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon have allowed me to change. All my relationships have changed for the better as a result. How grateful I am.

Prayer Girl

Tuesday 9/29/09 - "FLOAT ME AWAY NATURALLY"

"FLOAT ME AWAY NATURALLY"

Even though I'm sober and stable many years in Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon, there are still times I just want to float away for a while and escape the stresses of life. I look for ways to do this naturally.

I have always been an escape artist of the mind, but not like the guys who chain themselves inside a tank of water and then escape the chains just in the nick of time to prevent drowning. Rather, I was an escape reality gal. I sought primarily to escape my many (some of them nameless) fears.

There are several acronyms for the word FEAR. One is "Face Everything and Recover" and another is "Forget Everything and Run." The first is the acronym of recovery and the second is the one I pursued as the sister of an alcoholic, later the wife of an alcoholic and then an alcoholic myself.

The way I forgot everything and ran was often by choosing an obsession to focus on that would obliterate the realities of life from my mind. It would make life go away by "taking me away". These escapes were usually harmful and unhealthy. I used many forms of escaping my problems, but my final, ultimate escape was the use of alcohol and that led me into the depths of alcoholism from which I could not escape on my own. Eventually, God freed me from the obsession to drink.

My freedom from alcohol allowed me to begin to face reality and start my recovery. I have been on this journey to health for many years. HOWEVER, there are still times when I grow weary of life. I sometimes feel that same old urge come over me to "escape", that desire to "get me out of here". I am very cautious when this happens. When I become aware of that feeling, I put all I have learned in Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon into practice and resist that old unhealthy urge to "escape". I try to release the mostly self-imposed pressures I'm feeling by choosing ways of floating away naturally.

What do I mean? I mean that I try to allow my mind and spirit to lighten up. I take actions that will allow release of fear, stress, worry, anxiety, and that sense of restlessness, irritability, and discontent.

These are some of the healthy, natural ways I have found to float:
(They are healthy if not taken to an extreme that causes neglect of basic things needing to be done.)

I find a book that I can identify with and I allow it's characters, plot, and setting to carry me away. Sometimes a movie will do the same thing. I can float away on the sounds of music.

Sitting or walking at the beach or in any other very peaceful spot and allowing the sweet breezes of God's world to lift me up, can float me away.

As many children do, I can lie on the ground and watch the billowy, pillowy clouds moving across the sky and imagine myself floating with them and on them.

If I am in just the right mental and spiritual state, I can write a poem, a blog, or journal and that action will "take me away".

There are times when creative cooking carries me out of myself.

Prayer and meditation can set me adrift long enough to become calm and at ease within myself.

There are many, many ways to drift, to float. I actively seek ways to treat myself kindly, take care of myself, and be gentle with myself that will ease that discomfort.

Happy natural floating fellow bloggers.

Prayer Girl

Sunday 9/27/09 - "TEARS"

"TEARS"

So many people have so many reasons for tears these days. I read blogs, listen when sponsees and friends call, watch strangers and those I know well floundering around in life - lost.

It has taken many years for me to allow full reign to my emotions. Particularly difficult are what I label "negative" or "bad" feelings. Turns out there are no such things as negative or bad feelings - they are just feelings - without labels or judgments. I began to learn this fact when I was in a treatment center for my alcoholism when I was 39. I am still working on it.

As a child with a child's perceptions, my sadness and tears seemed to create distress in the adults around me. They had trouble dealing with them. I did not wish to trouble my parents so I learned to hide sadness deep down within where it would not be seen. This made me very sick.

Today, if I am sad, I am more likely to be able to actually feel and accept it. I still have trouble expressing it, letting others see it. I still harbor the idea that I need to be strong, the mender of torn lives, the fix-it lady. I can express it here. I am sad today. So I am in good company with you bloggers who are feeling sad, disappointed, weary.

What will we do about this? Sadness saps energy. It is a vicious little circle - the sadder we are, the more we need to take action. The sadder we are, the more difficult it is to take any action.

I have discovered that just the smallest amount of action will reap some reward:

Any prayer even a short and simple one is heard by God and answered. Always an answer, but always in God's time.

Continued work with others helps keep our minds out of problems and emotional turmoil. Prying the focus off ourselves is so important.

Be kind to ourselves, stop pushing and demanding more than we have to give at this moment. Take a nap, allow a special treat to eat, postpone temporarily some extremely stressful task that may need to be accomplished.

Remember that we are human, not robots or superheroes.

Try to appreciate the small and simple things of life that are right in front of our eyes, ears, and noses - perhaps the sounds of gently falling rain or the smell of freshness after that rain, and the crystal clear greenness of the plants and grass when the rain has passed.

Remember also that all feelings pass. When in sadness it has a habit of feeling like it will never pass. It will. When? Who knows exactly! But move on it will.

From me to you - God bless you if you are in sadness. God bless you if you are on the other side of that sadness.

Love and prayers,
Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: http://photosnap.deviantart.com/art/Sad-tears-56676499)

Tuesday 9/22/09 - "HOLD ME, QUIET ME"

"HOLD ME, QUIET ME"

My mind does not want to be tamed enough to write a blog tonight, but I do want to post. I'll just jot down some thoughts I'm having.

Today I received the following in an email from the Chaplain of our hospital where I volunteer as a pastoral care assistant:

Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulder and Your hand over my mouth.

I take the third step and turn my life over to God every morning and ask for God's guidance, support, and comfort. I ask God to silence my mouth if I am in any doubt as to what would be best to say. God helps me remain quiet through guidance I have received in Al-Anon. I can delay what comes out of my mouth by choosing to "wait a week and a day" before responding. I can also wait to speak until I know what I want to say, I will mean what I say, and I'll say it without being mean.

I am filled with happiness that I had the opportunity to use the healing touch to relieve pain in the legs and hips of a patient in the hospital. When I entered his room, he was grimacing, visibly in pain, and trying to get into a less painful position in the hospital bed. I sat, we talked, and then I asked if I might lay my hands on the blanket that covered his legs and the moment I placed my hands on the covers, he said he felt heat. His legs were feeling better by the time I left.

Another lady with many health problems had been admitted for a lacerated hand. Because of her other conditions, they wanted to observe her for a day. I asked if I could gently hold her bandaged hand, she agreed, and she too felt the warmth of the healing touch. I say, "Thank you God".

Daughter is coming tomorrow. Pray for all of us. Pray for God's will in all things.

There have been recent successes in the lives of some of my sponsees. I am watching the hearts and spiritual eyes of some of them opening just like flowers to the sun. The truth is setting them free as we work the 12 steps together. This is watching a miracle happen.

I pray for that peace that passes all understanding - that God will place it in your minds, bodies, and spirits.

Prayer Girl

Thursday, 9/17/09 - "GOD HEALS"

Find the message in the first letters of
the titles of the pictures I chose!

G lorious day

O rchids

D oggies

----

H earts

E arth

A ngel

L illy of the valley

S pace

"GOD HEALS"

Prayer Girl

Tuesday 9/15/09 - "HEAVY, BUT FLYING"

"HEAVY, BUT FLYING"

Being a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous and a member of Al-Anon allows me to fly even when I may be feeling sort of "heavy". I heard many years ago in meetings and still do to "wear life like a loose garment". If life feels restrictive, we can loosen the bindings by using the steps and principles of the program.

What are some of the things we can do to lighten us when we are feeling "heavy laden"? How can we fly even when heavy?

An important thing in my kit of spiritual tools is to remember that I took Step 3 and turned my life over to God and when I reflect on the fact that I believe nothing happens in God's world by accident, then I can sigh a huge sigh of relief knowing all will be well. As that air escapes me, I lift up and begin to fly.

A very powerful tool to relieve heaviness is reviewing my own experience, strength, and hope. Nothing is more capable of producing hope and a positive attitude than looking at my own history. I reflect on the hopeless state of mind and body that I was in and remember the miracle of sobriety and all the good things in my life that have flowed from that.

Another powerful tool I have to lighten the load is prayer. I believe that prayers are heard and answered. I also believe that God's answers are always what are best for me and everyone involved. God always answers - sometimes yes, sometimes no, sometimes not yet. I have faith that God's will is best.

Sharing problems with a sponsor or a trusted friend lightens the load. A problem shared is a problem cut in half.

God is everywhere. God's presence is always very strong in an Alcoholics Anonymous or Al-Anon meeting so if I want to have a lift in spirits, I go to a meeting.

I would be remiss if I didn't say that putting things out to the blogging community is an excellent way to help dispel heaviness. There is such love, support, and positive feedback available just for the blogging. :)

Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: Flying by Kelli States)

9/11 TRIBUTE on Saturday 9/12/09 - "I REMEMBER"

"I REMEMBER"

I remember 9-11-01 and...

I WILL NEVER FORGET:

exactly where I was when I first heard about a plane hitting the World Trade Center.

the emotions of horror, fear, and disbelief that filled me at that first moment and as further tragedies unfolded.

the weeks and months following when our spirits were numb.

the deep, limitless, and unspeakable sorrow we felt.

the ways we reached out to console each other in our grief.

how much I love the United States of America.

how grateful I am to have been blessed to be born in America.

the innocent lives lost on that day in New York City, at the Pentagon, and in a field in Pennsylvania.

the bravery and love of those who gave their lives to save others on 9-11.

the men and women trapped in that living hell of the World Trade Center aflame who threw themselves out of that inferno into the loving arms of God and into eternity.

that every moment is precious and we NEVER know when the day that greets us on awakening may be our last.

to appreciate each day, one-day-at-a-time.

the prayers that went up for those that were missing.

how grateful I was to be able to live through those chaotic times without even thinking of taking a drink.

Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: Everyday Heroes by Stephen Zacker)

Wednesday 9/9/09 "SHORT VISIT ON EARTH"

"SHORT VISIT ON EARTH"

"Strange is our situation here upon earth. Each of us comes for a short visit, not knowing why, yet sometimes seeming to a divine purpose. From the standpoint of daily life, however, there is one thing we do know: That we are here for the sake of others...for the countless unknown souls with whose fate we are connected by a bond of sympathy. Many times a day, I realize how much my outer and inner life is built upon the labors of people, both living and dead, and how earnestly I must exert myself in order to give in return as much as I have received."
- Albert Einstein

Dear Mr. Albert Einstein understood so much. His mathematics and his mind seems to have touched the infinite. I think most alcoholics will readily feel an affinity to these words of his.

The longer I am sober, the more precious life becomes. The more I learn to live one day at a time - in the now - the more cherished each moment is. And the more this happens, the more I realize the brevity of life.

I spent many years wondering what in the heck I was doing here and what was the point of my existence. The only constant I ever had was my belief in God. Even when I turned away from God, He remained deep in my soul.

I became an alcoholic which brought me to Alcoholics Anonymous. It was there that I was brought back to a right relationship with God and discovered my purpose.

Mr. Einstein says well in his own words what I now believe. I have learned that I am here to carry the message of freedom from alcohol to other alcoholics. And I am here to carry the principles of the Alcoholics Anonymous program to others God puts in my life. I have learned how to do this from those who showed me the way.

I am bound by a common bond with other alcoholics and those affected by alcoholism. I am bound to those who passed on the life-saving 12 steps, the Big Book, "Alcoholics Anonymous", and the traditions of AA.

Thank God I no longer feel useless or purposeless. I have found my purpose.

Prayer Girl

Tuesday 9/1/09 - "ALMOST WORDLESS ON ALMOST WEDNESDAY"

I will always play with you. We're best friends forever. *

God's love. Mother's love.

I've got my eye on YOU.......! **

God's tender love. God's healing touch.

Please, let's not squabble anymore! ***

"ALMOST
WORDLESS
ON ALMOST
WEDNESDAY"

Prayer Girl
I have to thank Mr. Steve for pointing out to me that today is not actually Wednesday. :) - I had to change the title to reflect this.

(Photo credits: * Diaper Duet by Anita Hogue, ** Eye See You by Sunset FL, ***Afternoon Squabble by Florida Fan)

Saturday 8/22/09 - "SIX WORD SATURDAY"

OPEN
TO
GOD'S
LOVING
TRANSFORMING
POWER

"SIX WORDS FOR SATURDAY"

Prayer Girl

Thursday 8/20/09 "SERENITY AND PEACE"

"SERENITY AND PEACE"

"WE WILL COMPREHEND THE WORD SERENITY
AND WE WILL KNOW PEACE."
("Alcoholics Anonymous", pp. 83 & 84 - 3rd 9th step promise)

The words "serenity" and "peace" as they applied to me personally were extremely elusive till I was over 40 years old and had been in Alcoholics Anonymous over a year.

Prior to sobriety, did I comprehend the world serenity? No! no way! I believed there was serenity happening when no calamity was rocking my emotionally sensitive world and when things were going my way. I think I thought I was experiencing serenity each time I "fell in love" - that rush of good feeling.

Did I know peace? I understood about "peace to the world", but of "peace within" I had very little understanding. I was usually on an emotional roller coaster - elated and flying high with a new love or a momentary success at work or devastated, depressed, and having thoughts of suicide.

The years I have spent working the 12 steps has illuminated for me what serenity means. Serenity for me is having the ability to stay calm even when all around me is chaos. Serenity is being able to maintain a tranquil composure when others are angry, upset, disturbed. As the "Serenity Prayer" says, if I can accept the things I cannot change, I probably have some serenity.

I have peace within myself today. I accept myself as I am. If there is something that needs changing, I ask for the willingness and ask God to remove it. Then I do my part. I recognize my talents and gifts and give thanks to God for them. In relationships with others, I have freedom from quarreling and disagreement with others. I can state my position, hear another out, then leave it be. There are more harmonious relationships.

Serenity and peace are a direct product of faith and trust in God. It is a product of keeping my life turned over to God. The more I stay in step three and in the present, the more of these qualities I have.

Do I have serenity and peace at all times? Of course not. I am not a saint, but I do my best to grow along spiritual lines. The longer I focus on strengthening my relationship with God, the more serenity and peace I experience.

I wish all you bloggers peace and serenity,
Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: Jen D. Rodriguez)

Wednesday 8/19/09 - "WE WILL NOT REGRET"

"WE WILL NOT REGRET"

"WE WILL NOT REGRET THE PAST
NOR WISH TO SHUT THE DOOR ON IT"
(Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 83 - the 2nd 9th step promise)

When I first got sober it took a while to move my mind out of the past. I hashed over and over in my head the sadness, tears, confusion, mental and emotional pain, and failures I thought defined my life in its entirety. As the months and years passed, I was able to move out of the past and into the present that was improving slowly, but surely.

I had many regrets that my life had turned out as it did. As I worked the steps, I looked deeply into myself and discovered that my problems weren't totally of everybody else's making as I had been so sure was the case. I became able to see that in very large part I created my own problems. Not knowing how to live life on life's terms, I turned to behaviors, ways of thinking, and coping skills that may have served me at some point, but eventually failed me entirely and resulted in my turning to alcohol as the final solution to my problems. This led to near disaster.

By the time I worked the 12th Step I had found a new relationship with God. I felt God forgave me, I made amends to those people I had harmed, and I began to forgive myself. I had accepted my life. This acceptance has grown over the years.

Today, I know that God has been in my life always. I know that every experience I have had - good and bad - God has used to help me grow or to help someone else. I no longer regret.

Prayer Girl

Monday 8/17/09 - "MUCH GRATITUDE"

"MUCH GRATITUDE"

I have so much to be grateful for:

My daughter is visiting her cousin in Virginia, by the shore. This morning she told me they were going to the "Outer Banks". Later, I was reminiscing with friends about different places on the Eastern shore they love and I remember visiting. I can still smell, feel, and hear the sound of the Ocean. I am so grateful for the memories of the beach from my childhood and youth. They are among the sweetest and powerful memories I have.

I am grateful to have had the opportunity to do the 8th step with a sponsee in Al-Anon this afternoon. It is a miracle to watch the transformation in another person. It is such a gift to be allowed to "pass it on".

I am grateful that I had the opportunity to place my hands on hubby's hurting leg and bring some relief. I am also grateful that when an accident happened today and his head was hit very hard, I was able to again place my hands on his forehead and bring healing. Thank you God.

I am grateful to have spoken to my wonderful daughter-in-law and to hear from her own lips that she is healing from her accident when someone in a vehicle hit her on her bicycle. She is on the mend and able to start back to her teaching job tomorrow. Grateful to have also spoken with my son. I love hearing his voice.

I am grateful to have been able to spend some time with my hubby, just him and me, having a coffee together. I love any alone time I have with him. I cherish those moments.

I am grateful for God's loving and caring guidance in my life and in the lives of those I love.

I am grateful that I know to ask God to go with me tomorrow morning when I return to my volunteer position as a pastoral care assistant at the hospital. I am grateful that I know He will answer that prayer. I have been off for the summer and return to the regular Monday schedule tomorrow.

I am grateful for each night's sleep and the joy each day brings.

I am grateful for all you bloggers,

Photo by Prayer Girl

Wednesday 8/12/09 - "POWER TO SET MYSELF FREE"

"POWER TO SET MYSELF FREE"

"Freedom from despair and frustration can come only from changing, in myself, the attitudes that are maintaining the conditions that cause me grief.

I have the power to set myself free by conquering the personal shortcomings that chain me to my problems. And not the least of these is the short-sightedness that has made me refuse to accept responsibility for the way I am."
(From "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon", August 11, p. 224)

How amazing it is to discover that it is not the other person - how they act, what they say, or what they think about me that sets me free. The power to do this lies within myself. What a marvelous discovery. I learned that I am responsible. I am responsible for my life - how I react to things, my attitudes, and my behaviors.

These are some of the ways I am free today:

I am free to feel. I no longer censor or deny my feelings. Today I can cry, laugh, be angry, acknowledge any feelings I may have. I no longer judge them. They are what they are.

I am free to choose who I wish to have relationships with and those I prefer to keep at a distance. I can set boundaries. I can protect myself from people who are not healthy to be around. I can surround myself with people who are on the same path to recovery that I am on.

I am free to say "no". I am free to say "no" without having to explain myself. I am free to decide what is best for me and if something is not in my best interest, I can decline. I can say "no" just because.

I am free to hold on to negative feelings and thoughts OR let them go.

I am free to choose the God of my understanding.

I am free to disclose things about myself as I choose and free to keep private what I feel should be kept private. I am free to share these private things with my sponsor and that is what I do. It is secrets that have the power to make me sick. I am free to share them and stay healthy.

I am free to reach out to help others. I am free to be gracious and not take it as a personal affront should they reject my offer.

I am free to allow others to be who they are. I am free to allow others their life experiences.

I am free to love God, hold whatever beliefs I may have, and pray as I am led to pray.

I am free to blog. I am free to write whatever I choose to share.

Happy to be free and praying you are free too,
Prayer Girl