Saturday, October 31, 2009



This is the first Halloween in several years that I have stayed home, put some decorations out to announce we were a candy-friendly home, and bought candy for trick-or-treaters. (I hope I don't end up with too much leftover candy that none of us needs to eat.)

Our neighborhood used to be packed with kids and we would have lots of costumed children knocking on our door. When my children were small they enjoyed walking all around our streets with lots of other children. There were decorated homes, people sitting outside to hand out candy. It was always so much fun to see them all dressed up and to pass candy out ourselves. Over the years fewer and fewer young ones have been around to enjoy the fun and give us the pleasure of experiencing Halloween again.

Last year hubby and I were on a Halloween cruise on the Royal Caribbean's Freedom of the Seas. That was a fabulous cruise and a wonderful time. We skipped cruising this year, but are booked for another Halloween cruise next year on their new and even more spectacular cruise ship, the Oasis. Our 2010 will include the San Antonio Alcoholics Anonymous International Convention AND the cruise. Fun! Fun! Fun!

Daughter and I are here watching scary movies. It has been two hours since the first trick-or-treater came to the door and there have been two families with a total of five children so far. :(
I'm afraid that is all we will see this year.

I am happy that I have been able to keep my focus off my daughter's problems and what she is or isn't doing about them and staying inside my own hula hoop. Thank God for Al-Anon. I'm trying to take care of myself, stay connected to my God, and remain as peaceful and serene as I can - one day, one moment at a time.

Dog Lucky and cat Bert are still working out their relationship. It's funny to watch a frisky two year old doggy trying to cavort with a 14 year old kitty who seems interested in being friends, but not in the enthusiastic way dog wants. I know for a fact that if kitty had her front claws the game would have been over after the first round. As it is, he hisses, growls, and strikes out with his declawed paws. Dog swipes back with his paw without hurting kitty.

Well, I'll be darned, a whole crowd just showed up at our door - probably 15 children from very, very young to maybe 10 years old. Hurray - I was able to get rid of some more candy. Oh happy day!!!

I am grateful for the women's Alcoholics Anonymous meeting that daughter and I attended at noon today. It was an anniversary meeting and two women I know received medallions, one for 12 years and the other for 24. What a miracle sobriety is. My sobriety allows me to be 'in the moment' today and I am so happy for it. I was able to go to mass this afternoon and I was filled with the love of God as I participated fully in the service.

Tomorrow morning is my Al-Anon home group meeting. It is ALWAYS wonderful. Thank you God for giving me two beautiful programs that have given me a life beyond anything I might have imagined for myself.

God bless you bloggers,
Prayer Girl

(Photo credits: Midnight Pumpkin by Evy Johansen and Fairy Sisters by Jennifer Alder)

Friday, October 30, 2009

Saturday 10/31/09 - "DANCING"




Thursday, October 29, 2009

Friday 10/30/09 - "WARP SPEED"



Life is moving at warp speed. Somehow I'm keeping up. It must be the grace of God.

One family household full of a lifetime of remembrances has united with a single daughter's household full of a shorter lifetime of mementos. The walls are bursting at their seams.

The house breathes in, exhales, it all fits.

Prayer Girl

Flash Fiction Friday 55
is a story written in exactly 55 words.
Let the G-Man know if you write one
and read the ones of your fellow writers.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Monday, October 26, 2009

Tuesday 10/27/09 - "THE PAIN OF THAT MAGIC MOMENT"


I look back on the moment I awoke from my last drunk after trying for some time to get sober and stay sober. I remember when I finally found total surrender. There was magic, mystery, and miracle in that moment, but it came wrapped in an incredible amount of spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical pain. It was only after the passage of time that I was able to identify the magic.

I never would have guessed that it would turn out to be the best moment of my life, but that is exactly what happened. From that point of personal destruction came the willingness necessary to admit the emptiness of my life and to ask for help to change. It was so painful, but that pain eventually passed.

I can think now of personal experiences where pain has brought forth blessings. The most vivid, of course, is the birth of my two children. Out of the ordeal of childbirth came the beauty of two wonderful lives.

Nature provides wonderful examples of this same thing. At an Al-Anon meeting Sunday the discussion included how difficult and often hurtful situations can lead to a better life. A lady shared that she lived in Miami when Hurricane Andrew devastated the area. She said that new, lush, and even more beautiful vegetation has grown in that hurricane's wake.

I watch the mental anguish and ego deflation of the newcomer to Alcoholics Anonymous and remember my own. I try to pass on to them that out of this horrible pain grows a new and beautiful life for those who work the AA program. We need always share our experience, strength, and hope to lend hope to those who feel hopeless. It works. One alcoholic talking to another alcoholic can cast light into someone's dark life.

I believe the following:
"And we know that all things work together for good, to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."
(Romans 8:28)

God bless and prayers for you all,

Prayer Girl

Monday 10/26/09 - "PRECIOUS MEMORIES"


What better way to jog the brain back into the blogging mode than to give thought to some precious memories.

The last few days have been very emotionally and physically demanding. I have had precious little (to be honest - none) time to blog. Even if I had had the time, I have been completely focused on the task at hand, getting daughter moved in, and unable to come up with even one coherent thought to blog about that I could take to completion.

Today is daughter's 28th birthday. I am filled with the precious memories of her birth and many beautiful and happy times together over the years. The month of October is her most favorite month of the year. When she was young birthdays were often celebrated with a Halloween-themed party complete with all the kids dressed in costume, candy-filled pinatas, and a sleep-over. Those were hectic, but fun times and they have passed ever so quickly. "Bettlejuice" was "the movie" of her special day. For years, she and her girlfriends would watch that movie during the birthday sleepover. They had every word memorized. Daughter still does. Guess what was on T.V. last night? That's right, "Beetlejuice", and we watched it. :) Daughter loves watching scary movies during October.

The celebration this year will be quite different as major changes in her life are underway. Even so, I hope we will be able to create a few memories that will be cherished.

I heard from my son today. He reported good news that his wife is feeling better. She has not been 100% since she was hit by a car while riding a bicycle several months ago. This is wonderful to hear. I have such precious memories of times we have all had together and their wedding. I hold close to my heart the joy I feel that he found the right person to live his life with. Finding that right person is a treasure, a blessing indeed. I know, I found it too.

I have been in a whirlwind of sorting junk I have had in our house for years, some dating back to when I was a kid. The time has arrived to downsize in a big way. I am being forced to do this to make room for daughter's treasured 'stuff'. That's about the only way I would ever do this - to be forced.

It's time for me to go bake a birthday cake. Our plan is to go to Cheesecake Factory this evening and have cake at home. I pray God will bless this day.

I pray God will bless you and may all of you have precious memories today.

Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: Mommy's Dress by Precious Memories by Kate)

Friday, October 23, 2009

Saturday 10/24/09 - "STRENGTHEN ME"


I'm tired!

I pray!

God strengthens!

Prayer Girl

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Friday 10/23/09 - "ONE CRAZY DAY"


An Al-Anon meeting began the day.
Next was a drop off of items at Goodwill.

While there, someone backed into my car.

Daughter's moving back home today, called from the truck, she's sick, throwing up.
The sheriff arrived, insurance called, car towed.

The truck arrived, everything was unloaded into the garage.


Prayer Girl

Flash Fiction Friday 55

is a story written in exactly 55 words.
Let the G-Man know if you write one
and read the ones of your fellow writers.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Thursday 10/22/09 - "IT'S A KITTY'S WORLD"


Our home that we share with Bert, our kitty, is about to become one more animal larger. Bert, when very tiny, was saved from behind a woodpile on a rainy day by Mr. Steveroni. Except for a few brief visits by son's dog, kitty has had this home all to himself, animal-wise.

Years ago I tried leaving him at a friend's house when we went on vacation. She had a dog of her own and she reported that Bert stayed hidden for at least 3 days before he eventually ventured out to meet her dog. She knew he was coming out at night because the kitty litter box was seen to have been used and food was eaten.

Mr. Kitty has favorite spots in our house - everywhere. There is barely a nook or cranny that he has not called his own, camped out in, and claimed for perpetuity. I don't know how he will react to our newest canine housemate. I hope Lucky is a lucky dog during their first encounters.

I told daughter today about a cat I had when I was in my early 20s. I owned a dog that I left with my parents when I moved out of the family home and into an apartment. The apartment allowed cats so I, being an animal lover, got one. I ended up returning home to live and kitty and dog met. They worked out a truce between them which worked well as long as they were in different parts of the house. IT'S A KITTY'S WORLD and in my experience cats usually have the upper paw in cat-dog relationships.

At that time we lived in a split level and the family room was in the basement. That cat would sit on top of a cabinet TV and whenever our dog walked down into that room, the cat would jump down on top of her. Kitty never hurt the dog, but loved scaring the life out her. Kitty just loved harassing doggie.

Today is the last day for a while that Mr. Bert will live in the world he has become accustomed to. Bert has only his back paw claws (but he sure knows how to use them), his teeth, and his growling and hissing noises to make his wishes known.

Here are my predictions.
I predict kitty will go into hiding when doggie arrives.
I predict that there is no doubt he will stake out his territory once he comes out of hiding.
I predict kitty will firm up his position in the household quickly and definitively.
I predict that in the end it will be "Kitty's World".
I hope he will come to love Lucky as daughter, hubby, and I do.
I predict that if he does, they will end up fast friends forever.

Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: KVAWARRE2P)

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Monday, October 19, 2009

Tuesday 10/20/09 - "PURPOSES"


God saved me from an alcoholic death. I could draw a line down the center of a piece of paper and list on one side of the line all the people in the world who have found sobriety. My name would be among them. I could then list on the other side of the line all those who have not found sobriety. If I then held that paper up and looked, the number of people not sober would be so very large that it would be impossible to even see the names of the sober individuals. (I heard this description from a well known Alcoholics Anonymous speaker, Sister Maurice.)

That kind of mental visual impresses me greatly. It reinforces my belief that I was saved for a reason. I have received a glimpse of God's purposes in my life as my sobriety has unfolded and as events have occurred.

These are some of the things I believe God saved me to do:

First and most importantly, I have an obligation and a desire to fulfill the 12th step of my Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon programs. It tells me that I am to carry the message of sobriety to other alcoholics and the message of hope to those affected by someone else's alcoholism. I am to "pass it on".

God's purpose for me has been to watch my children grow and be present for their graduations from high school and college. I was meant to be whatever example I am to the two of them. It was meant for me to be able to share in the joy of my son finding a woman he loves and to be at their wedding. It is God's will that I be able to shed some guiding light into the life of my daughter who is finding her way out of confusion.

God led me to join the catholic church. It was in that church that God first brought to my awareness my gift of a healing touch. I would never have predicted this outcome of my sobriety. It is God's purpose that I use this gift.

I sense God's purpose somewhere in all of the happenings of my life. I assume that "if it is happening, it must be God's will". I do my best to keep the following truths in my mind as I live one-day-at-a-time.

One - God has His purposes.

Two - God's purposes are often none of my business. I don't need to know what they are. I just need to seek to do God's will.

Three - I must not limit God. If God has a purpose for me to fulfill, then God will give me the power to carry it out.

Living God's purpose for my life today,

Prayer Girl

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Monday 10/19/09 - "KINDNESS"


"You can never do a kindness too soon,

for you never know how soon it will be too late."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I have learned a little about the art of being kind through the kindnesses that have been shown me. I remember the kindness I felt from so many different people when I reached that 'jumping off' place at the end of my drinking.

At the end I was just one big drink of alcohol. There was little else in my life. I was either drinking, getting over being drunk, or beginning to drink again. It was "always" on my mind. I did not behave in a kind way to those around me, not my family, friends, or employer. I was not capable of it. My mind and body were captured by alcohol and it was all I cared about.

Yet - when I began to reach out for help I found compassion and kindness everywhere. A nurse where I worked intervened with me one day behind my closed office door. She explained to me what was wrong with me and though I was busy trying not to hear her words, still in deep denial, she made an impression and I have never forgotten her caring concern for me.

I had a counselor who I believe was sent into my life by God. She was the perfect person to support me in my first steps into sobriety. She was instrumental in encouraging and arranging for me to be in a 28 day treatment program. She was by my side for years after that until I had developed a sound mind. It says in our Big Book, "Alcoholics Anonymous" that some of us need additional outside help. I was one of those people and she was the person who provided it.

There was a minister whose kindness when I was trying to stop drinking never quit. No matter how many times I met with him for counseling and admitted I was still drinking, he always treated me with loving kindness and continued to encourage me to stop drinking if I ever wanted things to improve. Finally I did.

I had several friends who never deserted me no matter how far down I went into my alcoholism. They were there as I became sicker and sicker. They watched me recover. All these many years later we are still fast friends.

It gives me pleasure and joy to be able to return to others the kindness I was shown. Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon give me limitless opportunities to reach my hand and heart out to others. My volunteer job in the pastoral care department of the local hospital never fails to provide ways to show little kindnesses to people who are sick, frightened, and hurting. There are people in need of kindness and ready to respond to compassion everywhere. I am grateful I have enough to share with others.

Life is good.

Prayer Girl

Sunday 10/18/09 - "BIG CHANGES"


Big changes are coming my way - and they are coming quickly.

My dearest daughter will be moving her furniture and all of her possessions into our house. We have a large home with only two of us living in it at this point. There is room, but I must finally start cleaning out the old to make way for her.

I have only several days to prepare for her to move in. She has arrived at a turning point in her life and by the grace of God she will grow into the person God intended her to be and she will find peace and serenity as she journeys in a new direction. I could use your prayers for her and for hubby and me.

I have postponed, put off, procrastinated at really clearing out the clutter of a lifetime of accumulating material possessions. I am a pack-rat and have things from every era of my life in boxes, chests, drawers, bags, and storage bins all over the house. I have attempted to downsize a few times and have made a tiny bit of progress, but overall the result has been negligible. So, the crunch is on and the time has come for me to start tossing things. Pray I will be successful.

We are about to become a foster family for daughter's dog, Lucky. I love dogs and it has been a long time since we have had the pleasure of man's best friend around here. Dogs are such unconditionally loving animals. I know I will fall in love with him.

Change is also in the air. Hallelujah, hallelujah. Yesterday some cooler air finally arrived. The air conditioning went off and the windows opened. This morning is like heaven. It is 55 degrees out now with a predicted high of 72. I could not ask for anything better.

Pray, pray, pray.
Love, love, love.
Blog, blog, blog.

Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: The Colors of Fall by Elizabeth Pellette)

Friday, October 16, 2009

Saturday 10/17/09 - "FAILURE - SUCCESS"





Prayer Girl

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Friday 10/16/09 - "ANOTHER DOOR"



She flung open the door.
Relief flooded her!

It opened onto a backyard patio, but as she looked both directions she saw identical houses, identical patios.

She heard the rumble of an engine.
Her heart was exploding from her body.

She jerked; eyes flew open, and awoke with her kitty nestled, purring by her neck.

Prayer Girl

Flash Fiction Friday 55
is a story written in exactly 55 words.
Let the G-Man know if you write one
and read the ones of your fellow writers.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Thursday 10/15/09 - "BLESSED"


I am blessed today.

I spent time with two different Al-Anon sponsees today. I met with one this afternoon and we worked the 9th step together. I met with the other this evening and we did the 2nd step. They were beautiful experiences.

I am able to admit my total powerlessness over disturbing situations happening in my life and the lives of people I love. With the help of loving, supportive loved ones and Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon program people, I am able to continually turn over my cares and worries every time they resurface within me.

I am watching the smoke from six lit votive candles carrying my prayers for six loved ones to God. I have hope, faith, and trust that those prayers are being heard and answered.

I know where to take my loving kitty who I just discovered has lost hair along one side of his body. Several years ago I found a place that specializes in treating cats only, The Cat Care Clinic. I will call them tomorrow and they will help Mr. Bert.

I have written my Flash Fiction Friday 55 already. All I have to do is wait till tomorrow night to post it.

I have met some new bloggers recently when they became followers of my blog. I have also met some when they commented for the first time. Oh how I love meeting new friends in the blogosphere.

I was led one night recently to rock my crazy mind into calmness. My mind was refusing to shut down for the night and I moved from my bed where I was tossing and turning over and over into an antique child's rocking chair nearby. I finally reached a place where God was able to slip into my spirit with a peace that brings sleep with it.

I have recently received many wonderful words of wisdom and support from my sponsor and other longtime AA and Al-Anon friends.

I have found some of the best AA and Al-Anon meetings our town has to offer.

I have finally become motivated enough to return to the gym. I hate going, but love how I feel when I have been there.

I was blessed to be able to bring my healing touch to some of the hospital patients I visited this week. I met a wonderful 32 year old man with sickle cell anemia who was in terrible pain, lying in a darkened room with a specialized breathing mask and a morphine drip. Despite the mask over his nose and mouth and his pain we talked of spiritual matters and many other things including how the places where we were born are a beautiful part of our innermost selves. As we spoke I could tell that he was transported momentarily back to his birthplace in Haiti. His eyes were full of wonder and memories of happy times. We held hands and we prayed. It was good.

My life is blessed.

Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: Abundance by Gilbert Williams)

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Wednesday 10/14/09 - "HOPE"



Prayer Girl

( * Photo Credit: Rays of Hope by negm933)

Monday, October 12, 2009

Tuesday 10/13/09 - "QUIZZICAL"

(puzzlement, questioning)

"Who me? An alcoholic?"
"Let's see, am I really an alcoholic?"

"Uh, I'm not really sure I'm an alcoholic!"

"I don't really think I'm actually an 'alcoholic'."

"I can't be an alcoholic, can I?"
"No way I'm an alcoholic!"

These are just a few of the statements and questions I hear from people who:
look like a duck
quack like a duck

walk like a duck- -

BUT don't think they are a duck.


What these statements really mean are:
"I don't want to be an alcoholic."
"I don't accept that I am an alcoholic."
"I don't approve of the fact that I'm alcoholic."
"OMG, you mean I won't be able to drink again?"
Etc., etc., etc.

I guess this is no surprise considering that alcoholism is a 'disease of denial' and that it is the only disease that tells us we don't have a disease. Heaven help the alcoholic whose life is being destroyed by their own insane thinking, emotions, and behaviors (as well as the destruction of lives of those close to them) and are unable to see themselves.

In my case, denial took the form of a totally blank mind. I did not process anything said that included the words alcohol, alcoholism, drinking, how many drinks, or anything along those lines. I simply didn't respond, didn't answer, or made up words that came out of my mouth.

When we read in meetings from "How it Works" in our Big Book, "Alcoholics Anonymous", p. 60, it says:

"Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:

(a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.

(b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.
(c) That God could and would if He were sought."

I believe God can and does use people and circumstances to help wake people up from their denial, but ultimately it is God alone who gives the gift that allows a person to finally wake up to the truth. It is the truth in the statement, "Yes, I really am an alcoholic" that sets us free.

My prayer is that those still living in the darkness of denial will seek God. God can and does relieve alcoholism.

Prayer Girl

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Monday 10/12/09 - "FRIENDS"

First things first -
Thank you dear Dulce
for this "One Lovely Blog Award"
I appreciate it so very much.

And now for my blog:


My life is full of friends - all types of friends. Friends add fullness to life.

My sponsors have been some of my dearest friends. They have been friends that I trusted and confided in. The bond between sponsor and sponsee is a unique one created by God for the special purpose of carrying God's message of sobriety from one alcoholic to another or from one member of Al-Anon to another.

My sponsees are also God-given friends just like my sponsors, but in the reverse role. I feel the spirit of God in the center of these relationships. There is tremendous love.

I have three special friends that I have known for over 25 years. They are not alcoholic, not in any twelve step program. They became my friends when I first moved to the town I live in. They watched my decline into alcoholism, watched me become a stick figure because I drank more than I ate. They were there as I struggled to get sober and when I returned from treatment. They never deserted me. They are my friends today. We nurture our friendships.

Family can be friends too. I enjoy spending time and having fun with my daughter, my son, and his wife - my husband too, of course.

I have another whole new world of friends now. I have met many bloggers who comment and become followers on my blog. I have even met a few face-to-face. What a thrill that was. I learn from you. My blogger relationships have grown in importance over the year since I began blogging.

Friendships take work. They require attention, respect, patience, love, and persistence. There has to be a lot of give and take including making amends at times and accepting amends at other times. They are worth the effort.

Good-night to all my friends.

Prayer Girl

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Sunday 10/11/09 - "RESPONSIBILITY"


"Character --- the willingness to accept responsibility for one's own life --- is the source from which self-respect springs." - Joan Didion

This little quote says a lot about my life before and after I began accepting responsibility for it. My weakness of character (character defects) led me to bend whatever way the wind was blowing. I took the easiest route around difficult circumstances whenever I could. Why? Fear and insecurity. I had very few living skills and was unable to cope with my emotions, thoughts, and the events of life. My coping skills tended to be unhealthy. Dealing with life by drinking alcohol became my best solution - for a very short period of time. This undermined what little self-esteem I might have had. The ravages of alcohol did nothing to improve my character and self-respect.

I failed to utilize the gifts God gave me. He gave me a fine mind and I was accepted into graduate school in clinical psychology. That would have prepared me to do the kind of work I am best at, working with others. Instead, my insecurity led me to drop that course of action at the last minute and get married instead. Marriage would have waited several years, but I was full of fear and insecurities.

I failed to live up to the responsibilities of a wife and mother. As I moved further and further along the road of alcoholism, it robbed me of the the essentials needed to fill either of these roles.

I failed myself. The way I behaved created a spiral down into hell. My score card read zero. My lack of self-respect turned into self-hatred.

The day came when I hit bottom, reached a turning point, and finally realized there was a very clear choice I needed to make. I was either going to accept responsibility for the mess my life had become, accept the consequences of my own behavior, stop blaming other people and circumstances, and get about the business of living a new way of life - OR - I wasn't and I would die.

That was an extremely difficult choice and without help it would have been totally impossible to choose change. I thank God every day for leading me to Alcoholics Anonymous. I give thanks always for the guidance and support I received from my sponsors and all the AA members who welcomed me into the program. They offered themselves in service to me without reservation.

I was led into the life of a responsible adult. I learned to make healthy choices for myself beginning with not drinking. I learned to accept the consequences of my behaviors. Today, I know how to make right decisions and I have a plan for correcting wrong ones.

I am able to give back to others what was freely given to me and this builds my character. I love, honor, and care about myself today. The more I live this way of life, give away what I have been blessed with, the more I respect myself.

I honor all of you out there who are blogging their hearts out and living lives of good character, giving of yourselves to help others, and reaching out to be of service. What a wonderful life we live.

P.S. Join me and other chatting bloggers on TSR (the second road) tomorrow night at 8pm. I'll be hosting and the topic is going to be "When the s - - t hits the fan". Please join me. To do so, just go to TSR, sign up if not a member yet, and then log in to "chat" at 8.

Prayer Girl

Friday, October 9, 2009

Saturday 10/10/09 - "DEAR GOD"





Prayer Girl