Thursday 2/18/10 - "TIME IS LOST"

"TIME IS LOST"

Intriguing picture and thought. '"Time is Lost". I thought about ways to slow the loss. When I slow down from the bustling activities of the day I can reflect on how precious are the moments of my life.

God intervened in my life with the gift of sobriety. He brought me to Alcoholics Anonymous and gave me the strength to not drink one-day-at-a-time. I reached out and took that offered gift. With God's help I was able to stop the constant loss of time. I lost a lot of time in the years I drank. I lost time to fear, anxiety, blackouts and constant thoughts about the next drink.

I frequently hear about freak accidents as I make my rounds visiting hospital patients. Many of the people I visit have come in through the emergency room. One minute they were enjoying nice meals, working around their homes, sleeping soundly - and the next thing, they are in the hospital.

How can I minimize the loss of precious time?

I can "stop and smell the roses". I can slow down, stop running, and allow myself space to enjoy the beauties of life.

Time slows when I am in prayer and meditation.

Keeping my eyes on where my feet are rather than ruminating about the past or projecting into the future seems to stop the swift passage of time.

Reflecting on the many things I am grateful for allows the moments to pass more slowly.

When I stop the busy activity of my day, go over to the tray of candles daughter gave me at Christmas, light each one with a prayer, watch them flicker, snuff them out one at a time, and watch the smoke rise, time seems to stop during that ritual.

Being in nature sitting on my back porch, walking the dog or just stopping for a moment as I go about the outdoor errands of my day slows down time. I look around me at the brilliance of the sunlight, the beauty of the sky, the colors of the flowers and trees, breath in the sweet smell of the air, and feel the breezes caress me.

Listening - really listening to another has a way of changing the passage of time, slowing it down. I don't understand how this happens. I just know it does.

Sitting quietly in church, paying total attention to all that is transpiring allows me to savor each moment longer. It stretches out time.

Food for thought! How do you prevent the loss of time?

God bless and please remember to go to Karen's prayer blog during Lent to pray for her daughter. Thank you.

Prayer Girl
(Photo credit: Time is lost by azurylipfe@deviantart.com)

Thursday 12/31/09 - "2009 AND ME"

"2009 AND ME"

It is good. In fact, it is very good that I should pause, sit silently, and reflect on the year that will be closing itself tomorrow night. It has been a year of intense emotion; very high and very low.

My son, at the age of 38, married. What a beautiful day for a mother. There was the wedding shower for the bride at Bahama Breeze in Tampa. It was the first time I had met her mother and sister as well as her friends. Then at the beginning of April was the wedding. They planned a very casual, fun event. Groom and groomsmen were all dressed in Tommy Bahama attire. The day was gorgeous as was the bride. Daughter made a beautiful bridesmaid. High emotion for sure.

There were happenings in extended family that brought much sadness to my heart. It is so sad to watch unnecessary pain, suffering, and chaos in the lives of people I love. I am reminded by Al-Anon that I am powerless over other peoples' lives. Low emotion for sure.

This year has also brought profound changes in some of my relationships - changes that have left me bewildered. These changes have, however, served to reinforce for me the belief that God is in charge and if I trust and practice faith, eventually all will be well. Low and high emotion.

2009 has brought me many opportunities to practice what I learned from my parish priest a few years ago, 1. God has His purposes (and they are usually none of my business), 2. It is not about me, and 3. Don't limit God.
My pastoral care visits have been a blessing to me. These 3 guidelines also serve me well in all my relationships, in all my affairs. High emotion.

The year 2009 brought the fear and agony of watching a loved one struggle with addiction. It has reminded me again of the power of alcohol and the powerlessness of an alcoholic where alcohol is concerned. Low emotion.
It also brought the joy and wonder of watching the action of God at work producing the miracle of sobriety. Very high emotion.

I long for peace, serenity, silence in my heart, the rush of angels wings in the breezes that blow through my life.

I find myself looking forward to 2010 and wondering what surprises God has in store. I pray that God will give me the power to help others and care for myself.

Wishing you a safe transition from 2009 into the anticipation of blessings in 2010.

Prayer Girl

Tuesday 10/27/09 - "THE PAIN OF THAT MAGIC MOMENT"

"THE PAIN OF THAT MAGIC MOMENT"

I look back on the moment I awoke from my last drunk after trying for some time to get sober and stay sober. I remember when I finally found total surrender. There was magic, mystery, and miracle in that moment, but it came wrapped in an incredible amount of spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical pain. It was only after the passage of time that I was able to identify the magic.

I never would have guessed that it would turn out to be the best moment of my life, but that is exactly what happened. From that point of personal destruction came the willingness necessary to admit the emptiness of my life and to ask for help to change. It was so painful, but that pain eventually passed.

I can think now of personal experiences where pain has brought forth blessings. The most vivid, of course, is the birth of my two children. Out of the ordeal of childbirth came the beauty of two wonderful lives.

Nature provides wonderful examples of this same thing. At an Al-Anon meeting Sunday the discussion included how difficult and often hurtful situations can lead to a better life. A lady shared that she lived in Miami when Hurricane Andrew devastated the area. She said that new, lush, and even more beautiful vegetation has grown in that hurricane's wake.

I watch the mental anguish and ego deflation of the newcomer to Alcoholics Anonymous and remember my own. I try to pass on to them that out of this horrible pain grows a new and beautiful life for those who work the AA program. We need always share our experience, strength, and hope to lend hope to those who feel hopeless. It works. One alcoholic talking to another alcoholic can cast light into someone's dark life.

I believe the following:
"And we know that all things work together for good, to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."
(Romans 8:28)

God bless and prayers for you all,

Prayer Girl

Tuesday 8/11/09 - "MAGIC MAGNIFYING MIND"

"MAGIC MAGNIFYING MIND"

"It was as if I had, rather than a Midas touch which turned everything to gold, a magnifying mind that magnified whatever it focused on."
(From "Alcoholics Anonymous", p.418)

"When I focus on what's good today, I have a good day, and when I focus on what's bad, I have a bad day. If I focus on a problem, the problem increases; if I focus on the answer, the answer increases."

(From "Alcoholics Anonymous", p.419)

My mind magically magnifies whatever it focuses on. When I found Alcoholics Anonymous and first got sober I had a difficult time focusing on anything other than all my problems. It was a "woe is me" focus. Some of the problems I faced were real. I returned from treatment to a home where my husband was drinking alcoholically. Before I went away for those 28 days, all I could think about was his drinking, everything he said and everything he did. My vision was almost 100% on him. I thought he was my problem. He was magically magnified by my mind into THE ENTIRE PROBLEM. He was certainly a part of the problem, but focusing on him did not help me. The more time I spent worrying about this, the worse I got. I kept getting drunk.

I discovered what my problem really was. My problem was my alcoholism. When I returned from treatment I was focused on the solution, on my recovery from alcoholism. I kept my mind on what I needed to do to stay away from a drink, to not be overwhelmed by my emotions. I planned each and every day around what I needed to do to become healthier. I had learned that alcoholism is a disease and I was a sick person, not a bad person.

I went to a meeting everyday until I was nearly three months sober. At that point I got a job so meetings were frequent, but not every day. I stayed close to my sponsor. I prayed. I minded my own business of recovery more and my husband's business less. I did the best I could to become more of a mother than I had been when I was drinking.

As I continued directing my attention to my recovery, I began to recover. I went to meetings. I listened in meetings. I worked the 12 steps. I prayed for help. I very slowly began to make some friends in AA. In my case, I needed additional help and had regular counseling for several years. Within only a couple of weeks of leaving the treatment program, I had suicidal thinking. Rather than having to leave my family again and be locked up in the crisis unit, I increased my counseling sessions and began taking an anti-depressant. I continued taking this medication for several years until I was stable enough to be weaned off of them. That was about 21 years ago. I have not experienced that kind of suicidal thinking since then. Thank God.

Today, I find that it is true - when I focus on what is good about my day, I have a good day. If I shift back to the "woe is me" mentality, my day is not so good. I have often heard people say that AA stands for "attitude adjustment". For me, when I attend an AA meeting, it always reinforces my positive thinking and if I am in a negative state, an AA meeting has a way of "adjusting my attitude", shifting my perspective to the positive.

I prefer feeling good. If I feel bad, I can take action to switch my magic magnifying mind onto the positive in my life. When I do this, life is good again.

I pray also that your magic magnifying mind will focus on the positive today which is the love of God.

Prayer Girl

Sunday 8/9/09 "BACK TO BASICS - A,B,C"

"BACK TO BASICS - A,B,C"

"Remember that we deal with alcohol - cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is one who has all power - that One is God. May you find him now!"
(From "Alcoholics Anonymous" 'Big Book', pp. 58-59.)

Whether we have one day, one year, one decade or more of sobriety, we must never forget the basics. When I was newly sober I had no idea how to stay sober and I had to keep it simple so I followed the basic directions I was given. Even after many years of sobriety, life can throw not just curve balls, but gigantic objects at me. At those times and all the times in between, I must practice the basics. I must remember that the physical distance between me, an alcoholic, and that first drink is about as long as my arm and this distance is not apt to change. All it would take would be an unguarded, nonspiritual moment in my mind when my brain says, "Oh, F--K It!"

The spiritual distance between my mind and spirit and that first drink is the distance I must rely on to prevent taking that first drink. This distance was important then and is now. Just one drink and I'm back into the allergy with its obsession and compulsion that is too powerful to control - that will take me back to Hell.

The greater my connection to my Higher Power, to my God, the greater the distance I am from taking that first drink. Here are the basics that helped me form, strengthen, and maintain this relationship and still work today.

A - Get on my knees and ask God to help me stay away from a drink today. I also ask him to help me with any difficulties I may be having. I need the power He can provide - the power I lack. At night I thank Him for keeping me sober.

B - Reach out for help from the people in Alcoholics Anonymous. I had a sponsor that I called, got together with, and worked the program with. As hard as it was at first, I had to also reach out by phone and in meetings to other alcoholics trying to stay sober. I remember a time early in sobriety when I was a wreck in my mind. I don't remember what the issue was, but I could not deal with it alone in my own head. It was a Saturday morning and no one was at home. (No cell phones back then.) I couldn't reach my sponsor or the few friends I had. Thank God I had a list of women's phone numbers. As hard as it was, I just kept dialing numbers on the list until someone finally answered the phone. I did not know who I was talking to, but I just kept talking to her until I was sane again. It worked. That was a powerful lesson in the healing power of one alcoholic speaking to another alcoholic.

C - Go to meetings, listen, and try to identify with people rather than compare. I had to keep an open mind. This still works.

D - Another basic was the mantra I repeated in my head, "I don't drink 'NMW' - No Matter What!" I also used to hear often, "Even if your a -- is falling off, pick it up and carry it to a meeting." That is what I did.

E - I must always remember that I can not do this alone, can't stay sober alone and can't live life alone. I need other people and I need God.

I thank Alcoholics Anonymous and all the wonderful people in the program who taught me the basics and continue to keep my memory green and keep me repeating the basics.

I am grateful to you bloggers. You motivate me to think about so many aspects of my sobriety. That is such a blessing.

Prayer Girl

Thursday, 8/6/09 - "THOUGHTS I LIKE"

(Joyfully reaching for the stars!)

"THOUGHTS I LIKE"

"Character - the willingness to accept responsibility for one's own life - is the source from which self-respect springs. - Joan Didion

Today is the tomorrow I worried so much about yesterday and 'all is well'.
(Heard in a meeting today.)

Practice being satisfied.
(Said often by a long time sober woman in Alcoholics Anonymous who passed away years ago.)

May the pain of today be transformed into the joy of tomorrow.
(I wrote this on the flap of a book I gave my daughter recently.)


Things I'm grateful for:

Attending a wonderful Alcoholics Anonymous meeting with sober daughter, her boyfriend, hubby, and me this evening.

That the topic at the AA meeting was powerlessness and to hear person after person share about their powerlessness and the power they found through a spiritual connection with God.

A fantastic dinner after the meeting at Longhorn where all were happy, relaxed, and joyful that the gathering was a time of blessing and sobriety.

I am grateful for the fabulous filet mignon I ordered that was cooked to perfection and tasted heavenly.

The beauty of new life possible through the programs of Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon.

That I can joyfully reach to the stars with my mind and spirit.

An all-loving God who I "know" is guiding me and those I love.

My blogging friends.

The many prayers I know are being said for me and those I love.

A good night's sleep.

Prayer Girl

Sunday 7/5/09 - "I'M ANSWERING - DAY 5"

"I'M ANSWERING - DAY 5"

"REMEMBERING
JULY 4TH, 5TH, AND 6TH -
24 YEARS AGO "

My last story of this series describes the miracle of a second chance at life I was given when God intervened in the tortured life of an alcoholic and presented me the possibility of a positive and productive one.

I drank alcoholically for about three years and in that time I descended the escalator down into the depths of hell only a real alcoholic can understand. I was unable to halt the descent in any way. My life was totally unmanageable. I was unable to be the mother I needed to be, unable to hold a job, and lost interest in most of the things people enjoy in life. My life was a constant merry-go-round of drinking, recovering from drinking, thinking about never doing it again, thinking about doing it again, drinking again, recovering from.....over and over and over.

I did not really know what was wrong with me, but I sought help for my undefined misery through counseling, church, prayer groups at church, altar calls, doctors - all to no avail. I continued to drink and life got worse.

Finally, I found Alcoholics Anonymous and a sponsor, but the first six months were characterized by being able to put a few days together then I would drink. Then a few weeks here, a few there, maybe a month, but I always ended up taking a drink. I was trying the best I could, but some ingredient was missing. It turned out what was missing was total surrender. This slipping in and out of AA was total hell.

4th of July, 1985

This brings me to the 4th of July 24 years ago. I had put together just short of three months, but I still had the "yeah, buts" - yeah, but my husband this, and yeah, but my children that, and yeah, but the other thing.

That was why I was unable to say "no" to being in a slippery place with slippery people on the 4th of July. I had no business boating out to an island with my husband, kids, and another family. the adults were drinking, the children weren't, and me so proud that I didn't drink all day. But the fireworks came and went, the boat wouldn't start, the men were on the boat trying to get it started, the kids fell asleep on the beach, and I was sitting in the dark on a cooler of beer.

What happened next remains indelibly etched forever in my mind thank God. With no thought whatsoever, I stood up in the dark, opened the cooler lid, took out a beer, and began to drink it. I was totally defenseless against that first drink. I remember exactly what happened in my mind as I drank it. My mind said, "this is O.K. No problem. Go ahead." I did go ahead and I had set in motion that terrible obsession and compulsion to drink over which I am totally powerless. I drank till I fell into bed that night.

July 5th, 1985

I woke up hungover and knowing I had two choices - go to an AA meeting or go to the liquor store for what I really liked to drink - Vodka. The vicious allergy was in full bloom so liquor won. I drank all day, became totally drunk, and took my last drink of alcohol that day just before passing out.

July 6th, 1985

This day marks the moment of my miracle when I awoke as sick as I have ever been, but I woke up a completely different person than the one who passed out the night before. Despite the hopelessness of my situation, for some reason unknown to me, I had a tiny spark of hope. I don't know why. I don't know how other than God being the answer. I totally surrendered at that moment and looking back I know that I gave up and handed the mess of my life to God. I also realized in that moment of awaking that I was totally powerless over alcohol, alcohol was going to kill me if I drank again, knew I had no idea on my own how to stay sober, understood that it was the first drink that got me drunk, finally got what one-day-at-a-time meant, and I knew where to go for help. I dragged myself to a meeting. I made a vow to myself that I would not leave that meeting till I knew what to do that day. And that is exactly what I did. I have been living my life this same way - seeking God's guidance - everyday since then.

Thank you for sticking with me through this long story. What happened was a miracle and a blessing and I know you all have your own miracle stories. I pray my story will remind you of yours.

Prayer Girl

Saturday, 3/14/09 - "DANCE OF LOVE"

(The dance of Prayer Girl and Mr. Steveroni)

"DANCE OF LOVE"

Today in our Al-Anon meditation meeting we read a page and then meditated for 5 minutes before discussion. The reading described someone who took the time to thank a total stranger for their service and how grateful that stranger was for the kind words. There is then a question at the end of the reading. Today, it was, "When was a recent time when you went out of your way to say "thank you" to someone?

My mind was somewhat scattered when I arrived at the meeting, people kept arriving late and I had to keep moving my chair, and it was quite hot in the room. Consequently, I was a million miles from meditation during that 5 minutes. Yet, just before the time was up a thought came into my mind. When was the last time I said "thank you" to the person I live with? To the person I love the most? So.....that's the topic of this blog.

Thank you Mr. Steveroni, hubby dear, for:

• Asking me to join you in this Dance of Love - this Dance of Life!

• Sharing your life with me - the good, the bad, the in-between, and the exceptionally wonderful.

• Sharing with me and spreading your laughter, humor, and joy.

• Being the man that you were when I met you and being the man you are today.

• Allowing us to grow spiritually and religiously together.
  

• Sharing your love of Alcoholics Anonymous - allowing us to live a life based on the spiritual principles of the AA way of life.

Thank you, my love, for:

• Supporting me at all times NMW (no matter what)!

• Believing in me always and when I'm having trouble believing in myself.

• Being patient in the early years of our marriage as the "blended" family found it's way to a comfortable place.

Thank you, my dearest, for:

• Saying to me one day, "You've got to get out of that job." That sentence opened the door to my retirement. Thank you. Thank you.

• Cruising to the Caribbean with me.

• Being a wonderful companion and help-mate.

• Always being forgiving.

Thank you, my love, for:

• Sharing your life with me.

• Being a miracle in my life - being the soul-mate God intended for me.

Let's keep dancing.
Let's dance into eternity together.

Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: Melissa Farlow)

Monday, 3/9/09 - INTRODUCING LUCKY!

"INTRODUCING LUCKY"

Introducing daughter's dog, 'Lucky". He is one very, very lucky dog to have found such a loving home with my daughter and her guy.

Lucky is not only one of the luckiest pooches I know, but he is also one of the lickingest and tail-waggingest, playfulest, and sweetest dogs I know. I think he's two years old so he is actually still a puppy. He is still in that 'chew a gigantic bone' in nothing flat stage. It takes a lot to keep his 'chewer' satisfied.

It was my luck to meet Lucky on my visit up to Tampa last weekend.

I was with many really suffering alcoholics yesterday. I ask you all to pray for 'J' and 'T'.

'J' is an alcoholic sober 5 years, but with other very difficult issues to deal with in her life. She works very hard at her program, gives it away, and does the best she can. Depression is, at the moment, trying to rule her life. I pray for her release from that emotional and mental place of anguish.

'T' is a newly sober alcoholic (days) who has relapsed in less than a week, is back in AA as of yesterday and I pray for her surrender, her willingness, and her sobriety.

I was so busy yesterday with Al-Anon and AA happenings that a blog didn't happen. This is it. I'm off to the hospital soon for my volunteer gig so I say, "Good-bye for now".

Prayer Girl

Friday 3/6/09 - SNAPSHOTS OF RECOVERY

"SNAPSHOTS OF RECOVERY"

SNAPSHOT #1
(6 months)
I got sober at the 24 hour club in town about 20 minutes from my house by car. There was a meeting in a church two blocks from my house. I was afraid to go there. I was suffering the damages to my self-esteem which had never been very high and were brought even lower by the degradations of active alcoholism. I finally worked up the courage to go to a meeting there. A very vivid memory remains of women talking together in groups after the meeting. I remember clearly the thoughts that for a long time prevented me from approaching them. They looked so happy as they chatted and I heard myself whispering in my head, "If you approach them, you will ruin their good time. You will bring them down." Thank God, I continued to attend that meeting, my recovery continued and I improved slowly to the point where I did join in their conversations. They, of course, welcomed me. After a time, I became comfortable with being with my new friends.

SNAPSHOT #2
(1 1/2 years)
I was always one who talked in AA meetings from the beginning. After about a year and a half a man I knew from meetings said in a kind, gentle, smiling way, "You finally make sense when you talk." This statement has stuck with me all these years for several reasons:
1. At the time I had no idea how little sense I made, how confused I was. I needed this insight.
2. I knew this man would never have said this if he hadn't known I had progressed enough to hear it.
3. It was wonderful to know I belonged, others understood me, and they sometimes saw me more clearly than I could see myself.
4. I felt total acceptance. I was accepted as an alcoholic seeking sobriety whether I made sense or not.

SNAPSHOT #3
(4 years)
I was divorced and living with my two children. I was struggling to build a firm AA foundation, be a single parent, make financial ends meet, work, and then suddenly a hernia developed that required surgery. I was so fearful at that time that something might happen to me if I went under anesthesia that I opted to have the surgery with a local anesthetic. (I did this, but would NEVER do it again.) My parents came to help out after the surgery. At that time, I had a home group that I had been a part of for about 3 1/2 years. I will never forget what happened after the surgery when I was recovering at home. A bouquet of beautiful, brightly colored balloons with GET WELL SOON printed on them were delivered. They were sent by the members of my home group. I could not believe they took the thought, time, and effort to do this for me. I was filled with gratitude and overwhelmed with love.

SNAPSHOT #4
(5 years)
I was about 5 years sober when I attended a work-related conference in Chicago. I was having personal relationship problems at the time and was very sad and confused. I found a noon meeting in a downtown Chicago location near the hotel. As I entered the room, only one other person had arrived and he was setting up the meeting room. I introduced myself as a member of AA and a visitor. I will never forget the moment when this man asked me if I wanted to chair the meeting. Tears come to my eyes just thinking of this because:
1. I was feeling so low and this offer lifted my spirits.
2. God must have been totally in charge as this man had absolutely no idea who I was, what I might say, or how I would chair the meeting.
3. I felt that total love, understanding, and acceptance that exists among recovering alcoholics.

SNAPSHOT #5
(??? years)
I was sober quite a while and still no one asked me to sponsor them. This worried me. I worried what was wrong with me. I worried about my AA recovery. I knew that fear and worry were close friends of mine. I thought about this often and finally came to the conclusion that God was in charge of this part of my program just as He was in charge of everything else in my life. Why? Because I had turned my will over to Him when I finally got sober. I had been seeing a counselor since before I got sober and for several years after getting sober. I respected and loved her a great deal and knew that God had put her in my life. One day she told me she was seeing another woman in counseling and that she was newly sober. She asked if I would sponsor her. This would be my first. That's how God began my sponsorship life. I immediately said yes and this lady and I met. I took her through the steps and sponsored her for many years until she died several years ago from a medical condition. My joy in sponsoring has grown over the years and every time someone asks me to help them, I hear God Calling.

I don't ever want to forget these wonderful moments in my journey through sobriety. Each one and all the people involved are precious to me.

God bless you precious bloggers,
Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: Lee1959)

Thursday, 3/5/09 - SNAPSHOTS OF DENIAL

(Who me? A cow? No way! I'm a beautiful princess!)

"SNAPSHOTS OF DENIAL"

Denial is a large part of the disease of alcoholism. My own examples of denial are, in my opinion, totally outrageous and in the light of sobriety even more unbelievable. Here are just a few.

SNAPSHOT #1
I was living in a household with a husband who worked in food service so was often not home at dinner time. I had a daughter 4 years old and a son 14. Neither of them cooked. One day only the kids and I were at home. I suddenly found myself opening the oven door and finding a cooked chicken inside. (I had no idea about black-outs. I had not the slightest clue that I had 'missing time'.) I looked at that chicken, not remembering having cooked it, not even bothering to mentally calculate the fact that my 4 year old was too young to cook and my 14 year old did not cook chickens in the oven. I had no recollection of having put it in the oven. My mind did the 'denial thing' and just jettisoned any need to understand what was going on out the window, took the chicken out of the oven, and we ate it.

SNAPSHOT #2
After having more drinks than I could continue to count and wouldn't bother to count anyway, I was asked by my husband, "Have you been drinking?" Without the slightest hesitation, I responded, "No, of course not!" This felt like a God's honest truth to me.

SNAPSHOT #3
One day, my best hiding spot was found. There is a laundry room off the kitchen and a large laundry basket on wheels sat in that room. I always had a vodka bottle stashed under dirty clothes and towels. When it was found, my only thought was extreme anger that someone dared to find my perfect storage area. It NEVER occurred to me that there was anything amiss about storing a vodka bottle in the laundry room. I was in total denial.

SNAPSHOT #4
I went into the laundry room (the infamous vodka storage area), opened the washing machine and was nearly knocked over by the stench of wet laundry. I had no idea how or when the laundry had been washed (never made it into the dryer). I, of course, had to rewash, then dry. I denied to myself at that very moment that there was any problem with this picture.

Now I can tell any of these stories in an AA meeting and they will be greeted by loud, raucous laughter. Only alcoholics can laugh at these types of stories while at the same time knowing the deadly seriousness that lies beneath them.

Thank God the 'chains of denial' were finally broken allowing the light of reason and sanity to pour into my life.

Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: Hegyesi Bela)

Wednesday, 3/4/09 - "T"

'T'

You never know what a day will bring. Yesterday began with an Alanon meeting at 10:45 a.m. I always have my cell phone on vibrate or turned off when in meetings, but for the first time I can remember, the phone was on ring tone and went off during the meeting. It turned out it was Steveroni calling to let me know that a girl (T) who had gotten my number from a meeting list was in trouble and needed help.

I went straight from the Alanon meeting to meet T at a noon AA meeting. She was desperate to stay sober. Her last drink had been at 4 a.m. that morning. Her body was set on low shake. As God would have it, the meeting ended up being geared to the newcomer and how to stay sober, how to not take that first drink. When I came to AA, the only way I was able to go my first whole day without a drink was to follow the directions given by a woman I met at my first meeting. This lady told me to call her every single time I thought about a drink. Since I was 'always' thinking of drinking then, I ended up phoning her 'all' day - at her home, at her work - I must have called her at least 25 times. Miracle of miracles, I didn't drink that day or night.

T and I talked for a while after the meeting and parted with an instruction that she call me in the evening or sooner if she thought about taking a drink. Around 6:30 T called and said she was thinking about a drink. She was at home where another member of the household was drinking. She was isolated in her bedroom to be away from the sight and sound of the drinking (a bad place to be). I told her to get to a meeting and call me when she got back.

T did exactly that and called me when she returned. She told me that as soon as she got into the meeting, she felt better. Another miracle? Most of us have experienced just this. I told her to read "The Doctor's Opinion" in her Big Book. She said she had read it earlier, was relieved to understand a little better what her condition was, and was going to start on the first 164 pages. I told her to first reread "The Doctor's Opinion" and to do so daily. I still read it, still find deeper meanings, still love it.

She was directed to call me in the morning or sooner if she was thinking of drinking. I headed off to bed with prayers for T in my heart.

Prayer is a pretty powerful potion
when persistently and patiently practiced.

(I believe the whisper-soft sounds of the letter 'P'
are like a melody floating up to God.)

Prayer Girl
(Fellow bloggers - please pray for T)