From the beginning of my blog my intention was to carry a message of hope. I wanted to share with others what I learned when I thought I was hopeless. When I hit my bottom in alcoholism I felt I was beyond all help and all possibility of saving. I discovered at that time a little seed of hope I didn't know was possible to have, buried within me, and it brought me through that horrific time.
The hope I discovered in me when God intervened and saved me from my alcoholism has remained with me these 25 years since I got sober. I have been through many difficult times in those years and many wonderful, beautiful times as well.
There are times when our "dirty laundry" overflows the basket of our life. I was taught as a child not to "air the family's dirty laundry". I believe it is very important to air our dirty laundry with trusted friends and helpers God puts in our lives. I think that the adage to not air our laundry "in public" is spiritually sound. It is my belief that if we air our troubles publicly it can interfere with whatever God's will for the situation and those involved in it is.
Right now my dirty laundry basket is overflowing and God is telling me to be very cautious about blogging. First of all, I wish for my blog, if it continues, to be that message of hope in a world where so many experience hopelessness. Second, I do not wish my laundry to spill out publicly and spoil God's plan, whatever that may be.
I may stop blogging for a while. I may stop blogging forever. I am turning this decision over to God. In all things, even when I am filled with fear and anxiety, I try to listen for that still small voice that leads and directs me. That voice is why I posted a Theme Thursday blog last night and about an hour later took it down. This was the blog I needed to post instead.
I need your prayers. Those I love need your prayers.
(Magpie Tales are hostessed by Willow. Click here to read more.)
She had hidden herself in this quiet, solitary place, alone with only the rhythmic breathing and occasional whinnying of her pony, Morning Glory. Her sister hadn't seen her slip into the barn. She lay in the hay looking up at the sole source of light drifting into the cool, dark barn through the opening of the upper portion of the door.
The smell of decaying leaves under the trees outside the door drifted in on the beams of light. It was a light, musty, fruity, earthy, hard to describe smell. She inhaled more deeply, closed her eyes and imagined seeing those dying leaves lying there beneath the bare branches. Only three short months ago she had been swinging endlessly from a rope swing made by her dad that depended from those very branches.
Suddenly she had a moment she could only describe to herself as magical, holy or supernatural. She was frozen in time, crystallized in an infinite instant of time; the smell and sight of the leaves whirling about with the summer leaves surrounding the rope swing and the sunbeams shining in to light up the darkness. This moment would remain vivid in her soul forever. Prayer Girl
Daddy was her hero. She knew she would never be able to fill his shoes. Heck she couldn't pick them up. If she tried to wear them they would be like her little jeans, but without the top to cover her bottom.
What to do?
She was content to adoringly follow him everywhere he went.
(Photo credits: In Purple by Andry122@deviantart.com Purple by erin email@example.com Purple by firstname.lastname@example.org Sea Oats and Sunset Cloud by Cliff Berinsky - Kodak picture of the day My Three Girls by Cathy Crosson - Kodak picture of the day Purple by LiNoR@deviantart.com Morning Light by Randy Baumhover - Kodak picture of the day)
THIS MAGPIE TALE IS DEDICATED TO MY ONE, TRUE, FOREVER LOVE - MR. STEVERONI
A MAGPIE TALE (Magpie Tales are hostessed by Willow. Click here to read more.)
She had been sitting in this favorite room, what used to be called a parlor but was now referred to as a den, for hours. Though her body felt sluggish and dull her mind was crystal clear, sharp-pointed like the icicles hanging from the roof just outside the parlor window.
Here in old familiar surroundings she rocked herself back and forth, back and forth in the rocking chair her mother had rocked her in as a baby. Beside her on the table rested the old, cherished hurricane lamp that had been a treasured wedding gift of her mother's. As she rocked her thoughts traveled to other times. As her chair moved back and forth the light in the room played along the edges of the curving lamp's glass and reflections began to form. As the light continued to flicker within the curves of the glass they became pictures of memories.
She saw herself as a sixteen year old girl on her first date, a blind date with a handsome young man, her first forever love. They were at the destination of their hayride on the banks of the Potomac River. They sat upon gaily colored carousel horses at an amusement part overlooking the river. It was dark, there were brightly colored lights and they were reaching out from their horses to catch the brass ring.
The light in the lamp shifted and into her mind swam the picture of her second forever love going off to college never to return to her. As she pushed her rocker gently the images began to speed up in a kaleidoscope of her life.
Here she saw her Bermuda honeymoon with her first husband, there her children's births and then lovely scenes of family fun through the years. There were Disney World trips, a move from Washington, D.C. to Florida, a trip to the Florida Keys......the unfolding of her and her children's lives.
Onto the darkened areas of the glass came other images. She saw her own alcoholic collapse, snapshots of her 28 days in a treatment center, her divorce and hard fought landmarks in her recovery.
And now before her mind's eye came her one, true, forever love brought into her life by God after she had been in recovery some years. There were so many beautiful memories and they brought tears of joy and remembrance to her eyes. Scenes flashed by of her walking down the aisle on their wedding day as his eyes filled with joyful tears, their anniversary/birthday celebrations, trips to St. Augustine, Gatlinburg, and surrounding all these images a powerful spirit of love. And then.........
She closed her eyes to halt the sights right at these most precious, perfect moments, imprinting them deep within her heart. How grateful she was for the exquisite life God had given her. Wrapped in the warmth of these final visions behind her closed eyes, she fell asleep forever.
(Photo credits: Windows by Mustafa Kizilcay - Kodak picture of the day Crazy Windows by email@example.com images architecture, buildings.... House of Windows by S. Caruso@deviantart.com Windows by firstname.lastname@example.org)
I'm sober in AA since July 5th 1985, and a grateful member of Alanon since November 2004.
I joined the "blogosphere" in September, 2008.
In December 2011 I became a grandmother for the first time and now understand why it's such a big deal. I'm wildly in love again with that little guy.