Thursday 10/21/10 - "DIRTY LAUNDRY"

"DIRTY LAUNDRY"

From the beginning of my blog my intention was to carry a message of hope. I wanted to share with others what I learned when I thought I was hopeless. When I hit my bottom in alcoholism I felt I was beyond all help and all possibility of saving. I discovered at that time a little seed of hope I didn't know was possible to have, buried within me, and it brought me through that horrific time.

The hope I discovered in me when God intervened and saved me from my alcoholism has remained with me these 25 years since I got sober. I have been through many difficult times in those years and many wonderful, beautiful times as well.

There are times when our "dirty laundry" overflows the basket of our life. I was taught as a child not to "air the family's dirty laundry". I believe it is very important to air our dirty laundry with trusted friends and helpers God puts in our lives. I think that the adage to not air our laundry "in public" is spiritually sound. It is my belief that if we air our troubles publicly it can interfere with whatever God's will for the situation and those involved in it is.

Right now my dirty laundry basket is overflowing and God is telling me to be very cautious about blogging. First of all, I wish for my blog, if it continues, to be that message of hope in a world where so many experience hopelessness. Second, I do not wish my laundry to spill out publicly and spoil God's plan, whatever that may be.

I may stop blogging for a while. I may stop blogging forever. I am turning this decision over to God. In all things, even when I am filled with fear and anxiety, I try to listen for that still small voice that leads and directs me. That voice is why I posted a Theme Thursday blog last night and about an hour later took it down. This was the blog I needed to post instead.

I need your prayers. Those I love need your prayers.

Till whenever......

Prayer Girl

Monday 8/23/10 - "DOES HOPE FLOAT?"

"DOES HOPE FLOAT?"

Today I tried to do my small part to help float hope for others. I attended my morning home group Al-Anon meeting and listened intently. It was a wonderful meeting where the topic was powerlessness and the first three steps. I received much and I shared in the hope that it might help someone else.

I had long conversations with four of my sponsees. By four o'clock I was exhausted and laid down for a short rest. This evening two other women and I braved rain that had been falling most of the afternoon and evening to take a meeting into a local treatment center. We were informed of an incorrect start time and ended up arriving half an hour late. However they got the patients together quickly and we had an old fashioned Alcoholics Anonymous speaker meeting - a somewhat shorter, but in my opinion, very powerful meeting. I hope "hope" was brought into that place.

I'm home again safe and sound and dry. It has been a very long day. It has been a fulfilling day. Tomorrow morning it is hospital time again and I will be asking God to guide me in my efforts to bring some hope into the lives of patients there.

Good-night and God bless,

Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: Hope Floats by Nyctophobia@deviantart.com)

Thursday 12/3/09 - "BEGINNINGS"

"BEGINNINGS"

Beginnings forecast endings. Birth leads inevitably to death. The blooming flower withers and disappears. The leafing tree remains green for a season and then drops its leaves. Someone begins knitting a pair of socks that when finished warm someone's feet. A student begins a freshman term in college and graduates at the end of the senior year. Divorce leads to new possibilities for a healthier relationship.

Just as often endings lead to new beginnings. Fields of crops left fallow for a season renews and enriches the soil for a new beginning. The end of a journey is the beginning of a new one. The end of my alcoholic drinking was the beginning of a new life.

I fought giving up drinking with all my might. Of course, this was a function of my disease. Every time I took a drink, I turned on my allergy to alcohol. Then along came the obsessive thought of the next drink and the next and the next and then the compulsion to take that next drink was too strong to be resisted. The idea of living without drinking seemed like the end of life. I reached that point all alcoholics who have found recovery know, they can't imagine life with alcohol and they can't imagine life without it.

Then came the day that I picked up a drink that marked the beginning of the end of my last drunk and the end of my drinking. When I awoke from that drunk, total clarity despite how sick I was filled me. I knew that I would never have to drink again. I turned my life over to Alcoholics Anonymous. I later understood it was God I turned my life over to at that moment and God spoke to me through the members of AA.

That end that felt like a death turned out to be the beginning of a wonderful new life. I was graced with a new beginning. Over the years I have learned what was deep down inside of me that encouraged escape through alcohol. I have come to understand the flaws in my character that had kept me blocked from the sunlight of the spirit. Through working the twelve steps in order, one through twelve, I have developed a spiritual connection with God that has given me the power I lack. I now have the power I need to stay away from alcohol, to allow God to change me, and to live a wonderful life.

I have watched many others find new beginnings. It is possible. It happens. Miracles happen. People change. They find lives that include happiness. They develop lives with the capacity to deal with bad things that may happen. They are capable of appreciating the joy of living.

For those of us who may be experiencing an end of some kind, remember that there will surely be a new beginning.

Prayer Girl

Saturday, 5/23/09 - "CREATING THE PATH TO YOUR FUTURE"

(Path to the future)

"CREATING THE PATH
TO YOUR FUTURE"

My post today is dedicated to all who are feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, unable to cope, feeling like they are near the end of the rope, wanting to give up, worthless, confused, powerless.

I have 'been there and done that'. I used to live there, it was my basic life position. Then......I found recovery. I have been in recovery for a lot of years and I no longer live in that negative place, but I can return there IF I don't continue to work on enriching the soil of my life. I can return to that arid, parched, and fruitless ground.

This morning I read some passages that reminded me of the work and the time that it took for me to change, to become happy, joyous, and free, and to develop a new outlook on life.

Some excerpts:
"Do not ask for love unless you're ready to be healed enough to give and receive love.

Do not ask for joy unless you're ready to feel and release your pain, so you can feel joy.

Do not ask for success unless you're ready to conquer the behaviors that would sabotage success.

All good things are ours for the asking. But first, groundwork - preparation work - must be done.

A gardener would not plant seeds unless the ground was adequately prepared to nurture and nourish those seeds. The planting would be wasted effort. It would be wasted effort for us to get what we wanted before we were ready.

Next we let go of the old "programming" - the behaviors and beliefs that interfere with nurturing and nourishing the good. Many of us have strong sabotaging programs, learned from childhood, that need to be released. We may need to "act as if" for a while until the belief that we deserve the good becomes real.

We combine this process with much letting go, while we are being changed at the core.

Good things are ours for the asking, if we are willing to participate in the work of groundbreaking. Work and wait.

Today, God, give me the courage to identify the good I want in my life and to ask for it. Give me also the faith and stamina I need to go through the work that must be accomplished first."

(From: "The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie, "Times of Reprogramming" May 22, pp. 140 & 141.)

Hope - there is plenty of hope. I found mine in Alcoholics Anonymous and then when I was filled with it, I found an even greater measure in Al-Anon.

The PATH to my POSITIVE FUTURE is filled with the twelve steps, my fellow recovering friends, the meetings I attend, my sponsors, God, and PLENTY of PRAYER. Don't despair. Don't give up. Keep trudging the road to your happy destiny. It is there if you keep tilling the soil of your life. You will find it.

Peace and hope,
Prayer Girl

Friday, 5/22/09 - "THE BOX - HOPE IS COMING"

FLASH FICTION FRIDAY 55

"THE BOX - HOPE IS COMING"

She knows she's ready to call as she picks up the phone.

He threatened if she seeks help he'll file for divorce.

She's thinking about this in a new way.

She felt hope in that room with Lucy and that's a win.

Getting better would be a win.

She feels something new, perhaps it's courage.

Prayer Girl
_______________________
Note: The following was LAST WEEK's
"55 Flash Fiction Friday":

"THE BOX - ALL IS CALM"

The hour has passed. She is confused but hears a gentle voice in her mind whispering, "All is well." An inexplicable calm settles over her.

She turns to Lucy and says, "When will you come again? Will you bring me?

She is returning home to "him", but there is less worry and fear at this moment.
___________________________
Friday Flash 55 is a story written in exactly 55 words. Let the G-Man know if you write one and
read the ones of your fellow writers.

Saturday, 5/2/09 - "IT DOESN'T GET MUCH BETTER THAN THIS!"

(The view from my little beach chair)

"IT DOESN'T GET MUCH
BETTER THAN THIS!"

Non-stop quality Alcoholics Anonymous speakers, one right after another....it doesn't get much better than this!

Being with hubby and friends in an oceanside location, gorgeous weather, comfortable accommodations...it doesn't get much better than this!

Being reminded of what I believe - that God gave me the precious gift of sobriety and I took hold of that gift firmly and have not let go, no matter what...it doesn't get much better than this!

Spending 2 1/2 hours listening to a speaker talk about the AA traditions and loving and agreeing with every minute of that talk...it doesn't get much better than this!

Hearing that the steps lead us to service and knowing that the more I give away, the more I keep and then receive even more. This fills me with gratitude, hope, and love...it doesn't get much better than this!

Making myself take time to go sit for an hour on the beach listening to the waves crash onto the shore, watching the rows of foaming curling waves, feeling the breeze blow all around me and ruffle my beach umbrella, feeling the presence of God....it doesn't get much better than this!

Using this alone time surrounded by the majesty of the sea and sand and air, the sights, sounds, and smells, and allowing God's spirit to flow in and rejuvenate my spirit...it doesn't get much better than this!

Having these moments sitting under my umbrella on the sand to write this blog to friends I have developed though we've never met...yet...it doesn't get much better than this!

Signing off from Cocoa Beach...it doesn't get much better than this,

Prayer Girl

Thursday, 4/16/09 - "GRATITUDE AWARD"

I thank Jess Mistress of Mischief for this Gratitude Award. I love her blog, Journey of the Spirit of Hope..trudging the road of happy destiny! You can go on over and see it - just (click here).

"GRATITUDE AWARD"

We create the world we 'see'.
Our attitudes shape our realities.

Since I received a Gratitude Award it is only fitting that my blog be about my gratitude.

• I am grateful for the change in how I see the world and the attitudes I hold today.

• I am grateful that I no longer see the world through eyes that desire to run, hide, or leave this world.

• I am grateful that today I see the world through the eyes of faith, trust, and hope.

• I have gratitude that I see the glass as half full - not half empty. Whenever that view begins to shift to 'less than', I have the tools to shift the perspective back to 'more than'.

• I am grateful for developing a belief in the power of prayer and the willingness to utilize that power.

• I am grateful that through experience I know that God answers prayer.

• I am grateful for Alcoholics Anonymous which saves my life and Al-Anon that expands the richness of my life, of my relationships.

• I am grateful for the 12 steps that showed me the path to my God.
  

• I am grateful that I ws able to finally set aside my "contempt prior to investigation", use affirmations, and experience their power.

• I am grateful for delicious Vanilla Lattes and Caramel Macchiato espresso drinks.

• I am grateful for my husband - that God saw fit that we meet, that we recognized His hand in our relationship, and that we sealed our lives as one the day we married.

• I am grateful for God's hand guiding my son and his new wife to seal their lives as one.

• I am grateful that my world of wonderful possibilities grows daily.

• I am grateful for the inspiration I find in the writings of my blog friends.

• I am grateful for each sponsee and recovering friend God brings into my life.

• I am grateful for the deep spiritual connections recovery has allowed me to experience.

• I am grateful for God's help with each poem and blog that I write and each picture I paint.

• I am grateful for God's unconditional love for and guidance given me, my husband, my children, and the bloggers I have met - especially those with serious health, relationship, financial, or other difficulties.

• I am grateful to be "Prayer Girl".

(Photo credit: woman praying by David MacDonald)

Tuesday, 4/7/09 - TRUDGING "THE ROAD OF HAPPY DESTINY"

(My road leads into the light!)

TRUDGING "THE ROAD
OF HAPPY DESTINY"

A few days I am focused on the 'trudging' part of this phrase, but, more often than not, I am magnifying the "happy destiny" portion.

Trudging can get the upper hand if I am worrying about an outcome - projecting - not living in the NOW. At those times things seem difficult, complicated, overwhelming, and solutions appear out-of-my-grasp.

I have learned how to turn this around by shifting my perspective to a positive attitude - an attitude of gratitude. I do this by using the tools I have learned first in Alcoholics Anonymous and later in Al-Anon. Some of the tools I use are prayer, acceptance, trust, faith, belief, the 12 steps, the 12 traditions, the slogans, the telephone, my sponsor, and meetings.

Today I am living my "happy destiny". I know that as long as I continue to live my AA and Al-Anon programs and freely give away what I have been so freely given, this "road of happy destiny" will take me into forever.

As I have moved down this joyful road, these are just some of the things I have found:

• Freedom from the bondage to alcohol

• Freedom from slavery to people, places, or things

• Freedom from constant fear, worry, and anxiety

• Acceptance in general, acceptance of myself
  

• Serenity, peace of mind, emotional balance

• An intuitive sense of how to deal with people, places, and things that used to terrify me, leaving me feeling powerless, alone, less than, and totally inadequate and filled with fear

• Belief in the power of prayer to actually change my insides and my outer conditions

• Self-love and true love for others
  

• Hope has replaced that hopeless state of mind where despair and dread dwelt always....light has dispelled that darkness

• I am free to be me..........
  

Prayer Girl!

(Photo credit: Dirt Road by DancinPants)