Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Thursday 12/3/09 - "BEGINNINGS"
Beginnings forecast endings. Birth leads inevitably to death. The blooming flower withers and disappears. The leafing tree remains green for a season and then drops its leaves. Someone begins knitting a pair of socks that when finished warm someone's feet. A student begins a freshman term in college and graduates at the end of the senior year. Divorce leads to new possibilities for a healthier relationship.
Just as often endings lead to new beginnings. Fields of crops left fallow for a season renews and enriches the soil for a new beginning. The end of a journey is the beginning of a new one. The end of my alcoholic drinking was the beginning of a new life.
I fought giving up drinking with all my might. Of course, this was a function of my disease. Every time I took a drink, I turned on my allergy to alcohol. Then along came the obsessive thought of the next drink and the next and the next and then the compulsion to take that next drink was too strong to be resisted. The idea of living without drinking seemed like the end of life. I reached that point all alcoholics who have found recovery know, they can't imagine life with alcohol and they can't imagine life without it.
Then came the day that I picked up a drink that marked the beginning of the end of my last drunk and the end of my drinking. When I awoke from that drunk, total clarity despite how sick I was filled me. I knew that I would never have to drink again. I turned my life over to Alcoholics Anonymous. I later understood it was God I turned my life over to at that moment and God spoke to me through the members of AA.
That end that felt like a death turned out to be the beginning of a wonderful new life. I was graced with a new beginning. Over the years I have learned what was deep down inside of me that encouraged escape through alcohol. I have come to understand the flaws in my character that had kept me blocked from the sunlight of the spirit. Through working the twelve steps in order, one through twelve, I have developed a spiritual connection with God that has given me the power I lack. I now have the power I need to stay away from alcohol, to allow God to change me, and to live a wonderful life.
I have watched many others find new beginnings. It is possible. It happens. Miracles happen. People change. They find lives that include happiness. They develop lives with the capacity to deal with bad things that may happen. They are capable of appreciating the joy of living.
For those of us who may be experiencing an end of some kind, remember that there will surely be a new beginning.