"LOOKING BACK" Sometimes things happen that you just know are 'God's will', even though they represent a huge change that will take a lot of adjusting to and will undoubtedly cause some pain of loss. One such moment is in the process of happening.
A dear, sweet girl, Zoe, who I have known and sponsored for more than a few years is moving. I met her at the first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting she attended after she got out of a local treatment program. I have had the privilege and honor to sponsor Zoe and watch God transform an emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual wreck into a woman of dignity and beauty.
She has met and successfully dealt with one challenge after another in those years. The years I have known her amount to a decent chunk of time yet feels in this moment like the length of time it would take me to inhale and blow out a quick breath of air.
I remember that very first meeting when this girl ended up sitting next to me. (There are no mistakes in God's world.) She was frightened, nervous - her leg swinging back and forth in constant rhythmic motion. Her eyes were cast down toward the floor and she looked ready to bolt and run, but I could tell that she was firmly resolved to stay in her seat for that entire hour.
She had been told by the counselor at the local treatment center that she needed to get a sponsor. A guy at this meeting who knew she just got out of treatment, had seen her at one of the meetings they hold at the center, and may have had a thought in his head to "hit on her", came up at the end of the meeting to remind her to get a sponsor. BUT I had already seen the need this girl had, reached out my hand to her including my phone number, and like a mother bird - sent this guy "packing" with a few simple words - kind but direct.
In our Big Book, "Alcoholics Anonymous", there is a portion read at almost every meeting I've ever gone to from, "How it Works", p. 58 that goes like this:
"There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recovery if they have the capacity to be honest."
I always thought I was one of those people, but over the years have come to realize I'm luckier than those I believe this statement is talking about. Zoe is one of these people referred to in this sentence. She fights for sobriety and soundness of mind on many fronts.
Thank God she has the capacity to be honest. It has been a difficult struggle to maintain that honesty, her sobriety and her mental health, but she is succeeding. She has no idea how far she has actually come and that is part of the reason I am writing this. She is a miracle. Despite the constant challenges she faces and always will, she ultimately perseveres by applying Honesty, Open-mindedness, and Willingness and asking God and her sponsor for help.
Today she has a hand that has been trained to pick up the phone and keep her sponsor informed. She listens when I suggest more meditation and prayer or that she should make a call to her doctor. She listens when I have to say things she does not want to hear. Moving will present large problems for her.
This move will bring many blessings to her and her family despite the challenges it presents. She will face the realities of having to find a new sponsor, a new doctor, new home group, new sober friends. I truly believe God's will is being worked out here and that He will not take her this far just to desert her. God will see that her needs are met.
I love Zoe with all my heart and soul. Our sponsor-sponsee relationship etched a deep groove in our lives. We were able to mutually share very private things with each other. She was also one of the first people God led me to place my hands on in a healing way. He passed healing of mind, body, and spirit to her.
I will be praying with all my might for her sobriety, mental health, and total well-being. I am reaching out to my blogging community to ask for your prayers for this beautiful soul. I ask you all to keep Zoe in your prayers.
A large change like this tends to bring up old memories, generate fears, and generally set one a little off center. This has happened to her and has provided me an opportunity to remind her that she is not the person she used to be, is certainly not the person I met at that first meeting, and that she lives a totally different life today.
Thanks for keeping her in your prayers along side of mine.
Prayer Girl
(Photo credit: Life''s Journey by commanderlewis)
"CONVERSATIONS"
