Friday, 3/20/09 - "PEACE"

"PEACE"

I am looking for an extra measure of
PEACE just now.

These are the thoughts that will bring that added SERENITY.

I am in the peaceful scene above. There is the slightest breeze. There is shade dappled with sunlight. The air is clean, clear, and crisp. There is a fragrance of nature - trees, moss, flowers, water. I can hear a quiet, gentle movement of the water. There is a path leading to the bridge and in a few moments I will be over the water looking out over this scene and breathing slowly in.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purposes (Romans 8:28 KJV).

From "24 Hours A Day", May 16-A.A. Thought for the Day:

"Never weary in prayer. When one day you see how unexpectedly your prayer has been answered, then you will deeply regret that you have prayed so little. Prayer changes things for you. Practice praying until your trust in God has become strong. And then pray on, because it has become so much a habit that you need it daily. Keep praying until prayer seems to become communion with God. That is the note on which true times of prayer should end."

From "The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie, March 19:

"Staying Out of the Middle"
"Being a peacemaker does not mean we get in the middle. We are bearers of peace by staying peaceful ourselves and not harboring turmoil. .......................I will trust others to work out their own affairs, including the ideas and feelings they want to communicate to each other.

Trust God.

All is well.
All is well with me and mine.
All is well with the World.
All is well in God's Universe.

God is in charge.

I am not alone.

From: "Daily Reflections", p.70, March 2:

"HOPE"
"Hope is the key that unlocks the door of discouragement. .....It is with others that, with the grace of God and the Fellowship of A.A., I trudge the road of happy destiny. May I always remember that the power within me is far greater than any fear before me. "

I tend to my own acre of recovery. Someone else's acre is off limits to me. I surrender to God's will.

Wait! Be calm! Trust! Be still! Be silent! From these will change come.

From "Hope for Today", March 16:

"When I let go and let God, I'm more apt to find a place of compassion between obsession and indifference, where the serenity of ordered thoughts and emotions lies........When I let go and let God work in my life, the pendulum that swings between the black-and-white of obsession and indifference finds balance in the peaceful colors of serenity."

"And He arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea,
'Peace, be still'.
And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm" (Mark 4:39)

Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: mieke)

Thursday, 3/19/09 - "HAPPINESS IS: A SIMPLE DAY"

(Happy, happy, happy!!!)

"HAPPINESS IS: A SIMPLE DAY"

Today was a simple day full of wonderful moments. It started with an early morning rising to attend the 7 a.m. meeting with Mr. Hubby-aroni. It was my privilege and a delight to be able to walk to the center of the meeting room, meet Hubby there, present him with his 35 year sober in Alcoholics Anonymous medallion, and give him a hug and a kiss. This was a highlight of my day.

Several phone calls today with sponsees found most of them feeling a little better after yesterday's crisis-laden day. Thank you God.

I got some household tasks done today - some of them things I loathe doing. I mopped the kitchen and hall floors - yuk - but I felt so good to have gotten it done - a nice sense of accomplishment.

The skies were cloudy, but I rode my cycle to the gym anyway and luckily - no rain. I had a very intense workout and left feeling great. The ride home was invigorating with a cool breeze blowing across my face and body. Such a feeling of freedom - loved it!

I'm not used to getting up at 5:30 a.m. so a two hour nap was in my cards and it felt totally wonderful.

It was a very simple day, satisfying and happy . I felt the presence of my Higher Power with me the entire time. What a blessing.

Bless you bloggers,
Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: Snow in South Bend by Amy Hart Baker)

Wednesday, 3/18/09 - "SEEING PAIN"

"SEEING PAIN"

Yesterday was a day unlike any I have experienced in a while. I witnessed so many people in soul-deep pain and confusion. On my own, I felt totally inadequate to help. Thank God, I don't carry the message alone. God is always with me.

One girl lost a son to addiction within the year and is experiencing pain that a mother who has not lost a child can only guess at how it feels. It's painful just thinking about that happening and I can only imagine the horror of living with the reality. This child of God finally surrendered the secret that she was drinking again and doesn't want to live that way anymore. Thank God. This is a beginning.

Another woman has just started attending Al-Anon and is in that place of utter torment and no understanding of what is wrong or how to lessen it. She is desperate for a shred of hope that something can help her. Like many of us before finding recovery, she has been trying to understand and fix herself for 30 years - with no success.

My phone rang all day. Recovering people I work with regularly were calling as well as those who call infrequently. They were all having some sort of crisis. Wow! The planets must be aligned in some weird way.

I had to remember to take care of myself and laid down for a while shutting 'everything' out. I needed to regroup. I called on my God to refresh my mind and spirit.

Here is what I hope for all those in deep conflict, doubt, fear, and hopelessness:

THE SPARK
Once more my Higher Power hear
Once more I call on you dear God
Place deep inside the spark of hope
That one day makes us fully whole

In one who's lost a cherished child
Another taken back the drink
This one lost in her own pain
That one struggling alone again

Breathe your breath oh God
Upon that tiny hopeful spark
Transform into a roaring flame
That victory may be won - be claimed

Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: You Reign...by chelina)

Saturday, 3/14/09 - "DANCE OF LOVE"

(The dance of Prayer Girl and Mr. Steveroni)

"DANCE OF LOVE"

Today in our Al-Anon meditation meeting we read a page and then meditated for 5 minutes before discussion. The reading described someone who took the time to thank a total stranger for their service and how grateful that stranger was for the kind words. There is then a question at the end of the reading. Today, it was, "When was a recent time when you went out of your way to say "thank you" to someone?

My mind was somewhat scattered when I arrived at the meeting, people kept arriving late and I had to keep moving my chair, and it was quite hot in the room. Consequently, I was a million miles from meditation during that 5 minutes. Yet, just before the time was up a thought came into my mind. When was the last time I said "thank you" to the person I live with? To the person I love the most? So.....that's the topic of this blog.

Thank you Mr. Steveroni, hubby dear, for:

• Asking me to join you in this Dance of Love - this Dance of Life!

• Sharing your life with me - the good, the bad, the in-between, and the exceptionally wonderful.

• Sharing with me and spreading your laughter, humor, and joy.

• Being the man that you were when I met you and being the man you are today.

• Allowing us to grow spiritually and religiously together.
  

• Sharing your love of Alcoholics Anonymous - allowing us to live a life based on the spiritual principles of the AA way of life.

Thank you, my love, for:

• Supporting me at all times NMW (no matter what)!

• Believing in me always and when I'm having trouble believing in myself.

• Being patient in the early years of our marriage as the "blended" family found it's way to a comfortable place.

Thank you, my dearest, for:

• Saying to me one day, "You've got to get out of that job." That sentence opened the door to my retirement. Thank you. Thank you.

• Cruising to the Caribbean with me.

• Being a wonderful companion and help-mate.

• Always being forgiving.

Thank you, my love, for:

• Sharing your life with me.

• Being a miracle in my life - being the soul-mate God intended for me.

Let's keep dancing.
Let's dance into eternity together.

Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: Melissa Farlow)

Friday, 3/13/09 - "PERFECT TIMING"

"PERFECT TIMING"

From ""The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie, "Timing", March 12, p. 69:

"Timing can be frustrating. We can wait and wait for something to happen, and it seems to be forever until it comes to pass. Or, suddenly, an event or circumstance is thrust upon us, catching us by surprise. Believing that things happen too slowly or too quickly is an illusion. Timing is perfect. Today, I will trust and work with Divine Order. I will accept the timing in my life today and in my past as being perfect."

When I feel like I'm waiting and waiting for something - anything - to happen, then I'm missing out on NOW - too busy waiting for something else to be enjoying and savoring what this day offers.

At other times, 'bam', something happens suddenly and I feel as if I have been 'knocked for a loop'. I feel unprepared. Maybe, if I had been paying closer attention to each one-day-at-a-time I wouldn't feel so caught off guard when life shows me how "BIG" it really is.

As I look back over my life, there were many times I was anxious for things to change, to be different, to happen. I spent a lot of time waiting. While I was doing so, I missed some of the beauty and joy of the present moments. Luckily, despite that, I still have memories of moments of pure joy and beauty.

Over the years, my perspective has changed. I have been practicing being satisfied, patient, staying in the now, focusing on the glass half full and sometimes even overflowing, looking for God in all situations, and this practice is paying off.

The payoffs for me are peace, serenity, patience, joy, hope, faith, trust, a greater sense of fulfillment. I have gained a belief that God's timing is truly perfect. Looking back, I can see that when things have taken too long, it has been because I was not ready. When things occur, it is because I am ready whether I think so or not.

I like the payoffs and so I plan to continue working the Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon programs. I will also continue to benefit from your experience, strength, and hope and share mine with you.

Prayer Girl

P.S. Anytime I laugh, it's a good thing. This made me laugh:
"If Columbus had an advisory committee he would probably still be at the dock." - Arthur Goldberg

(Photo credit: Myrtillis)

Thursday, 3/12/09 - "PROBLEM PEOPLE"

(Another 'problem person'!!!)

"PROBLEM PEOPLE"

This blog is dedicated to all of us who from time to time or perhaps even more often have 'problem people' in our lives. These people may be causing problems of a minor, but irritating variety or they may present problems for us that are deeper, more troubling, and defy resolution. Sometimes they are people we don't like and sometimes ones we love dearly. God bless any of you who have 'never' had this type of situation.
Please let me know on which planet you live. :)

I am so grateful for the wisdom available through the programs of Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon and their literature.

On March 7th and again on March 11th I read the entries in "Daily Reflections". I was impressed by them and they brought this blog topic to mind.

Daily Reflections, March 7, p. 75:
"The willingness to give up my pride and self-will to a Power greater than myself has proved to be the only ingredient absolutely necessary to solve all of my problems today. Even the smallest amount of willingness, if sincere, is sufficient to allow God to enter and take control over any problem, pain, or obsession."

AND

Daily Reflections, March 11, p. 79:
"All I have to do is look back at my past to see where my self-will has led me. I just don't know what's best for me and I believe my Higher Power does. G.O.D., which I define as "Good Orderly Direction," has never let me down, but I have let myself down quite often. Using my self-will in a situation usually has the same result as forcing the wrong piece into a jigsaw puzzle - exhaustion and frustration. "

The last sentence in the above excerpt is one way I can measure whether I am using my self-will to try to fix a problem or I'm relying on God's will. How much exhaustion and frustration am I experiencing? Said another way, the opposite is how much peace and serenity am I experiencing in the midst of whatever problem situation exists?

When I think I have a problem with someone else's behavior, I need to remember that I most certainly have a problem with myself. This is actually good news since the only person I have any hope of changing is me.

Trying to fix, change, control, or coerce the person with a problem to change will surely lead to anxiety and frustration. I need to remember the three Cs I have learned in Al-Anon. I did not cause whatever the problem is, I can't cure it, and I certainly can't control it.

All my efforts to control someone else point out the need I have for God's help. It's so easy to see what is wrong with others, but this is of little use to me. I need to become aware of what is wrong in me, become willing to have God heal me, and then ask Him to do so.

I cannot change or fix anyone else. God is the only power able to do this. He does not need my help, but he can use my cooperation.

I need always remember that my most powerful tool is prayer - prayers for myself and prayers for the person with the problem. After prayer comes faith and trust that the God of my understanding has heard and will work things out in His perfect timing. And - I must do my part.

Thank God for AA and Al-Anon.

Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: By findstuff22)

Monday, 3/9/09 - INTRODUCING LUCKY!

"INTRODUCING LUCKY"

Introducing daughter's dog, 'Lucky". He is one very, very lucky dog to have found such a loving home with my daughter and her guy.

Lucky is not only one of the luckiest pooches I know, but he is also one of the lickingest and tail-waggingest, playfulest, and sweetest dogs I know. I think he's two years old so he is actually still a puppy. He is still in that 'chew a gigantic bone' in nothing flat stage. It takes a lot to keep his 'chewer' satisfied.

It was my luck to meet Lucky on my visit up to Tampa last weekend.

I was with many really suffering alcoholics yesterday. I ask you all to pray for 'J' and 'T'.

'J' is an alcoholic sober 5 years, but with other very difficult issues to deal with in her life. She works very hard at her program, gives it away, and does the best she can. Depression is, at the moment, trying to rule her life. I pray for her release from that emotional and mental place of anguish.

'T' is a newly sober alcoholic (days) who has relapsed in less than a week, is back in AA as of yesterday and I pray for her surrender, her willingness, and her sobriety.

I was so busy yesterday with Al-Anon and AA happenings that a blog didn't happen. This is it. I'm off to the hospital soon for my volunteer gig so I say, "Good-bye for now".

Prayer Girl

Saturday, 3/7/09 - "A GRATEFUL SMILE"

"A GRATEFUL SMILE"

Friday night:
A grateful smile is on my face tonight. Today has been a beautiful day full of wonderful moments orchestrated by God.

I am grateful for an early morning change in plans that allowed me to leisurely enjoy my morning.

I'm grateful for another change in plans that took me to a noon AA meeting instead of the noon Al-Anon meeting I usually attend. At this AA meeting I sat next to a woman I see rarely, sometimes only once a year. We were able to catch up.

I'm grateful that Chapter 3, "More About Alcoholism", from our Big Book, "Alcoholics Anonymous", was read and discussed at that Big Book meeting.

I am grateful to have been reminded of the many parts of that chapter I so completely identify with such as the description of many female alcoholics who when they begin drinking alcoholically are often gone beyond recall in just a few years. (I was gone in about four.) Also, the story of the jay-walker that I could relate to and understand from the first time I read it.

I am grateful to have been motivated to go to the gym and was able to put in a strenuous hour of exercise.

I am grateful that I was able to make a vanilla latte at home. My son had shown me how to use my machine at Christmas, but this was the first time I tried it on my own. It will take a little more work, but it wasn't bad for a first try.

I am grateful that I am calm, at peace, and feeling satisfied today.

I am grateful that I still have time right now (10:15 p.m.) to do my readings and writing that I had decided I would do daily during Lent.

I am grateful that I sleep well and look forward to a restful sleep tonight.

I am grateful that I had the opportunity to speak with many of my sponsees today. Each is a blessing beyond all measure.

I am grateful that I have an outing with hubby planned for tomorrow. We're "riding" (his Bergman and my Morpheus) out to Ave Maria where we'll have a bite to eat and go to mass in the beautiful oratory right in the center of town.

I am grateful that I am a sober member of AA and a member of Al-Anon.

I am grateful that with God's help I had enough honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness to become a winner in life - finding and sticking with AA - and then discovering Al-Anon and becoming what is termed "a double winner".

I am grateful that I have been able to write a blog the last few days.

I am grateful that they are read. God bless you readers.

I am grateful that my children are all safe and happy.

I am grateful that the weather is still absolutely perfect here. They call where I live 'Paradise' and today it surely is just that.

I am grateful for a proper outlook on life today and that I am not in a panic over the state of the financial world.

I am grateful that I believe in the power of prayer.

I am grateful for you bloggers.

Prayer Girl

Friday 3/6/09 - SNAPSHOTS OF RECOVERY

"SNAPSHOTS OF RECOVERY"

SNAPSHOT #1
(6 months)
I got sober at the 24 hour club in town about 20 minutes from my house by car. There was a meeting in a church two blocks from my house. I was afraid to go there. I was suffering the damages to my self-esteem which had never been very high and were brought even lower by the degradations of active alcoholism. I finally worked up the courage to go to a meeting there. A very vivid memory remains of women talking together in groups after the meeting. I remember clearly the thoughts that for a long time prevented me from approaching them. They looked so happy as they chatted and I heard myself whispering in my head, "If you approach them, you will ruin their good time. You will bring them down." Thank God, I continued to attend that meeting, my recovery continued and I improved slowly to the point where I did join in their conversations. They, of course, welcomed me. After a time, I became comfortable with being with my new friends.

SNAPSHOT #2
(1 1/2 years)
I was always one who talked in AA meetings from the beginning. After about a year and a half a man I knew from meetings said in a kind, gentle, smiling way, "You finally make sense when you talk." This statement has stuck with me all these years for several reasons:
1. At the time I had no idea how little sense I made, how confused I was. I needed this insight.
2. I knew this man would never have said this if he hadn't known I had progressed enough to hear it.
3. It was wonderful to know I belonged, others understood me, and they sometimes saw me more clearly than I could see myself.
4. I felt total acceptance. I was accepted as an alcoholic seeking sobriety whether I made sense or not.

SNAPSHOT #3
(4 years)
I was divorced and living with my two children. I was struggling to build a firm AA foundation, be a single parent, make financial ends meet, work, and then suddenly a hernia developed that required surgery. I was so fearful at that time that something might happen to me if I went under anesthesia that I opted to have the surgery with a local anesthetic. (I did this, but would NEVER do it again.) My parents came to help out after the surgery. At that time, I had a home group that I had been a part of for about 3 1/2 years. I will never forget what happened after the surgery when I was recovering at home. A bouquet of beautiful, brightly colored balloons with GET WELL SOON printed on them were delivered. They were sent by the members of my home group. I could not believe they took the thought, time, and effort to do this for me. I was filled with gratitude and overwhelmed with love.

SNAPSHOT #4
(5 years)
I was about 5 years sober when I attended a work-related conference in Chicago. I was having personal relationship problems at the time and was very sad and confused. I found a noon meeting in a downtown Chicago location near the hotel. As I entered the room, only one other person had arrived and he was setting up the meeting room. I introduced myself as a member of AA and a visitor. I will never forget the moment when this man asked me if I wanted to chair the meeting. Tears come to my eyes just thinking of this because:
1. I was feeling so low and this offer lifted my spirits.
2. God must have been totally in charge as this man had absolutely no idea who I was, what I might say, or how I would chair the meeting.
3. I felt that total love, understanding, and acceptance that exists among recovering alcoholics.

SNAPSHOT #5
(??? years)
I was sober quite a while and still no one asked me to sponsor them. This worried me. I worried what was wrong with me. I worried about my AA recovery. I knew that fear and worry were close friends of mine. I thought about this often and finally came to the conclusion that God was in charge of this part of my program just as He was in charge of everything else in my life. Why? Because I had turned my will over to Him when I finally got sober. I had been seeing a counselor since before I got sober and for several years after getting sober. I respected and loved her a great deal and knew that God had put her in my life. One day she told me she was seeing another woman in counseling and that she was newly sober. She asked if I would sponsor her. This would be my first. That's how God began my sponsorship life. I immediately said yes and this lady and I met. I took her through the steps and sponsored her for many years until she died several years ago from a medical condition. My joy in sponsoring has grown over the years and every time someone asks me to help them, I hear God Calling.

I don't ever want to forget these wonderful moments in my journey through sobriety. Each one and all the people involved are precious to me.

God bless you precious bloggers,
Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: Lee1959)

Thursday, 3/5/09 - SNAPSHOTS OF DENIAL

(Who me? A cow? No way! I'm a beautiful princess!)

"SNAPSHOTS OF DENIAL"

Denial is a large part of the disease of alcoholism. My own examples of denial are, in my opinion, totally outrageous and in the light of sobriety even more unbelievable. Here are just a few.

SNAPSHOT #1
I was living in a household with a husband who worked in food service so was often not home at dinner time. I had a daughter 4 years old and a son 14. Neither of them cooked. One day only the kids and I were at home. I suddenly found myself opening the oven door and finding a cooked chicken inside. (I had no idea about black-outs. I had not the slightest clue that I had 'missing time'.) I looked at that chicken, not remembering having cooked it, not even bothering to mentally calculate the fact that my 4 year old was too young to cook and my 14 year old did not cook chickens in the oven. I had no recollection of having put it in the oven. My mind did the 'denial thing' and just jettisoned any need to understand what was going on out the window, took the chicken out of the oven, and we ate it.

SNAPSHOT #2
After having more drinks than I could continue to count and wouldn't bother to count anyway, I was asked by my husband, "Have you been drinking?" Without the slightest hesitation, I responded, "No, of course not!" This felt like a God's honest truth to me.

SNAPSHOT #3
One day, my best hiding spot was found. There is a laundry room off the kitchen and a large laundry basket on wheels sat in that room. I always had a vodka bottle stashed under dirty clothes and towels. When it was found, my only thought was extreme anger that someone dared to find my perfect storage area. It NEVER occurred to me that there was anything amiss about storing a vodka bottle in the laundry room. I was in total denial.

SNAPSHOT #4
I went into the laundry room (the infamous vodka storage area), opened the washing machine and was nearly knocked over by the stench of wet laundry. I had no idea how or when the laundry had been washed (never made it into the dryer). I, of course, had to rewash, then dry. I denied to myself at that very moment that there was any problem with this picture.

Now I can tell any of these stories in an AA meeting and they will be greeted by loud, raucous laughter. Only alcoholics can laugh at these types of stories while at the same time knowing the deadly seriousness that lies beneath them.

Thank God the 'chains of denial' were finally broken allowing the light of reason and sanity to pour into my life.

Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: Hegyesi Bela)