"SNAPSHOTS OF DENIAL"
Denial is a large part of the disease of alcoholism. My own examples of denial are, in my opinion, totally outrageous and in the light of sobriety even more unbelievable. Here are just a few.
I was living in a household with a husband who worked in food service so was often not home at dinner time. I had a daughter 4 years old and a son 14. Neither of them cooked. One day only the kids and I were at home. I suddenly found myself opening the oven door and finding a cooked chicken inside. (I had no idea about black-outs. I had not the slightest clue that I had 'missing time'.) I looked at that chicken, not remembering having cooked it, not even bothering to mentally calculate the fact that my 4 year old was too young to cook and my 14 year old did not cook chickens in the oven. I had no recollection of having put it in the oven. My mind did the 'denial thing' and just jettisoned any need to understand what was going on out the window, took the chicken out of the oven, and we ate it.
After having more drinks than I could continue to count and wouldn't bother to count anyway, I was asked by my husband, "Have you been drinking?" Without the slightest hesitation, I responded, "No, of course not!" This felt like a God's honest truth to me.
One day, my best hiding spot was found. There is a laundry room off the kitchen and a large laundry basket on wheels sat in that room. I always had a vodka bottle stashed under dirty clothes and towels. When it was found, my only thought was extreme anger that someone dared to find my perfect storage area. It NEVER occurred to me that there was anything amiss about storing a vodka bottle in the laundry room. I was in total denial.
I went into the laundry room (the infamous vodka storage area), opened the washing machine and was nearly knocked over by the stench of wet laundry. I had no idea how or when the laundry had been washed (never made it into the dryer). I, of course, had to rewash, then dry. I denied to myself at that very moment that there was any problem with this picture.
Now I can tell any of these stories in an AA meeting and they will be greeted by loud, raucous laughter. Only alcoholics can laugh at these types of stories while at the same time knowing the deadly seriousness that lies beneath them.
Thank God the 'chains of denial' were finally broken allowing the light of reason and sanity to pour into my life.
(Photo credit: Hegyesi Bela)