"Who me? An alcoholic?"
"Let's see, am I really an alcoholic?"
"Uh, I'm not really sure I'm an alcoholic!"
"I don't really think I'm actually an 'alcoholic'."
"I can't be an alcoholic, can I?"
"No way I'm an alcoholic!"
These are just a few of the statements and questions I hear from people who:
look like a duck
quack like a duck
walk like a duck- -
BUT don't think they are a duck.
(DUCK = ALCOHOLIC)
What these statements really mean are:
"I don't want to be an alcoholic."
"I don't accept that I am an alcoholic."
"I don't approve of the fact that I'm alcoholic."
"OMG, you mean I won't be able to drink again?"
Etc., etc., etc.
I guess this is no surprise considering that alcoholism is a 'disease of denial' and that it is the only disease that tells us we don't have a disease. Heaven help the alcoholic whose life is being destroyed by their own insane thinking, emotions, and behaviors (as well as the destruction of lives of those close to them) and are unable to see themselves.
In my case, denial took the form of a totally blank mind. I did not process anything said that included the words alcohol, alcoholism, drinking, how many drinks, or anything along those lines. I simply didn't respond, didn't answer, or made up words that came out of my mouth.
When we read in meetings from "How it Works" in our Big Book, "Alcoholics Anonymous", p. 60, it says:
"Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:
(a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.
(b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.
(c) That God could and would if He were sought."
I believe God can and does use people and circumstances to help wake people up from their denial, but ultimately it is God alone who gives the gift that allows a person to finally wake up to the truth. It is the truth in the statement, "Yes, I really am an alcoholic" that sets us free.
My prayer is that those still living in the darkness of denial will seek God. God can and does relieve alcoholism.