"A SLATE STILL EMPTY"
My mind is still acting a little fuzzy, floating, un-focused. In this state, I think I'll do the same as I did in my last blog and just see what comes up onto the slate of my mind.
1. I'm looking out the window and my slate is filling up with gray. It is a very gray day with raindrops hidden in clouds all around. None have fallen yet, but I feel their moisture in the air and see tiny flashes of lightening skittering about within the clouds. Every now and then I hear a distant, muffled, faintest rumbling. I await nature's coming wet kisses and no matter what sounds there are around me, all are damped by the gray ceiling hanging above.
2. The words, "This can't be happening" are being written across my slate. These words have appeared at some of the worst and best times of my life. My reaction to these most life changing events have been a feeling of unreality - a thought that it could not possibly be happening.
A few examples:
My father is the person who drove me to the treatment center in Avon Park, Florida when I was 39 years old. As he left me sitting in the reception room, I began to cry and believed at that moment I would never stop crying. I could not believe my life had come to this, that this was happening.
The day I put my hands on Mr. Steve's hand and later that night on a friend's back and healing was the result, I thought, "This can't be happening." I was in shock.
Both events, worlds apart, one seemingly the most horrible thing that could happen in my life and the other a wonderful event of huge importance to me turned out to be "God milestones" in my life - God's will.
These "this can't be happening" moments are still happening and now I know:
YES THEY "CAN" BE HAPPENING
YES THEY "ARE" HAPPENING
AND - YES THEY ARE A PART OF GOD'S PERFECT PLAN.
3. Upon my slate comes the word "ACCEPTANCE". This morning I found a little card among the items on my desk with the following well-known sentences from our Big Book, "Alcoholics Anonymous", p. 417:
"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation - some fact of my life - unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."
I never tire of this passage. I have blogged it before. I love it and I need the repetition of it's meaning in my mind.
The slate is empty now so "good-night",