Monday, July 20, 2009

Tuesday, 7/21/09 - "A SLATE STILL EMPTY"

(Strange Day)



My mind is still acting a little fuzzy, floating, un-focused. In this state, I think I'll do the same as I did in my last blog and just see what comes up onto the slate of my mind.

1. I'm looking out the window and my slate is filling up with gray. It is a very gray day with raindrops hidden in clouds all around. None have fallen yet, but I feel their moisture in the air and see tiny flashes of lightening skittering about within the clouds. Every now and then I hear a distant, muffled, faintest rumbling. I await nature's coming wet kisses and no matter what sounds there are around me, all are damped by the gray ceiling hanging above.

2. The words, "This can't be happening" are being written across my slate. These words have appeared at some of the worst and best times of my life. My reaction to these most life changing events have been a feeling of unreality - a thought that it could not possibly be happening.

A few examples:

My father is the person who drove me to the treatment center in Avon Park, Florida when I was 39 years old. As he left me sitting in the reception room, I began to cry and believed at that moment I would never stop crying. I could not believe my life had come to this, that this was happening.

The day I put my hands on Mr. Steve's hand and later that night on a friend's back and healing was the result, I thought, "This can't be happening." I was in shock.

Both events, worlds apart, one seemingly the most horrible thing that could happen in my life and the other a wonderful event of huge importance to me turned out to be "God milestones" in my life - God's will.

These "this can't be happening" moments are still happening and now I know:



3. Upon my slate comes the word "ACCEPTANCE". This morning I found a little card among the items on my desk with the following well-known sentences from our Big Book, "Alcoholics Anonymous", p. 417:


"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation - some fact of my life - unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."

I never tire of this passage. I have blogged it before. I love it and I need the repetition of it's meaning in my mind.

The slate is empty now so "good-night",

Prayer Girl


Just Be Real said...

Your slate has definitle positive words and truth written on it, especially "acceptance." Even, "This can't be happening," has its own positive powerful meaning. Thank you PG for your insights. Blessings dear one!

Lou said...

Prayer Girl, thank you for all you bring to this sometimes cold world

God Speed to you and Steve.

G-Man said...

Your slate is far from empty....
Love permeates everything you do.

Cat said...

Acceptance comes to me in stages I think - first with the struggle against it, then with the idea of better things, then with the knowing and learning and finally with the serenity that it brings into my life...

I hope you and Steve are OK. (hugs)

Syd said...

Anna, I think that your emptiness fills up others. Thanks for all that you write here. I sense that something is going on in your life that is hard at the moment. I hope that peace, joy and God's grace will see you through whatever it is.

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

Thanks for filling the slate and continuing to fill hearts with love. I really am grateful for the light you shed and the love you express each day.

God be with you and bring you more miracles than you can count!

Gin said...

Beautiful post PG. Love the contrast between the two different, "this can't be happening" feelings. Have a beautiful day.

BringMeFlowers00 said...

When I don't have program I get real sick real fast...
I needed to hear this....thanks

Cindy said...

I KNOW the grey ceiling that you write of. My beloved alcoholic had a Lost Weekend. Somehow, I'm plodding through and detaching from this and doing the right thing hour by hour and leaving him to his life.
I appreciate your "acceptance" bit. THANK YOU!

~C~ said...


I went to dinner with a sponsee (Double winner) this past Sat. Upon walking into her home, he says "Do you have acceptance" and thrusts upon me a business card sized car with Dr. paul's acceptance paragraph printed.

Then I read your blogging on it....coincidence?

More like God-incidence. Bless you and hang in there. Your empty slate is soon to be full with abundance, for that it the consequence of openness to Gods will!