Friday, 5/1/09 - "THE BOX - IV"

Every Friday, compose a short story
of 55 words - no more, no less,
if you want to join in the fun and games
and give it a try..post your story
and report to the boss G-Man!

"THE BOX - IV"

They had met sitting at adjacent tables. She averted her eyes, then sneaked peeks at this stranger who fairly glowed.

The lady smiled at her with a smile that lit up the cafe and said softly, "Hi, I'm Lucy. We both seem to be alone. Want to talk?"

She hesitated and then cautiously replied, "Okay!"

Prayer Girl
_______________________________________
Note: The following was LAST WEEK'S "55 Flash Fiction Friday":

THE BOX - Part III

Here she is, his marionette, trying desperately to pull her own string, reach out for that pink phone.

Suddenly it rings. Fear courses through - dark and quick. She reaches, snatches it up.

Hears, "Remember me? We met at the coffee shop last week. Wanna try one of the meetings, twelve steps I told you about?"

Thursday, 4/30/09 - "JUST A FEW THOUGHTS"

"JUST A FEW THOUGHTS"

I'm too tired tonight to have many thoughts in my head - there is just enough room for a few.

Today has been busy, busy, busy. I helped someone take care of several appointments and drove them to and fro. As is often the case, the timing didn't turn out the way I thought it would so my own plans got rearranged. It didn't matter much, but I did miss getting to the gym. I'll be away this weekend. Maybe I'll find a way to exercise sometime, somewhere while I'm gone.

I met with a sponsee this afternoon and we finished step 5. She is anxious to move on so that she can have relief from the character defects she has become aware of during steps 4 and 5. I think she will work steps 6 and 7 without delay. We had a wonderful meeting and I felt good afterward.

Hubby and I are going to Cocoa Beach tomorrow till Sunday afternoon. We're going to an event called "AA Woodstock". It will be non-stop Alcoholics Anonymous speakers and meetings held at a hotel right on the ocean. I'm excited, but also trying to stay organized so I take everything I will need while I'm there. I tend to get a little flustered when it comes to packing. I've been working on that and making lists helps a lot. I also do self-talk to keep myself calm and on target with what needs to be accomplished before leaving.

In between all these events of the day and preparations, I spent about an hour on the phone applying for medical insurance. That's sure a barrel of fun. But it's done and I'm relieved. I have one possible policy in the works and this is another one.

We're taking my laptop so hubby and I can fight over who blogs first between meetings. -Grin-

I hope to get a blog out each day, but if I don't you'll know why.

Love and prayers - as always,

Prayer Girl

Wednesday, 4/29/09 - "JUST BEING REAL"

"JUST BEING REAL"

I want to thank Just Be Real for giving me this "Just Being Real" Blog Award.

This award means a great deal to me. Being real is one of the most beautiful and beneficial results of growth through the spiritual programs of Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon.

For a large portion of my life I lived in a fantasyland. Reality was too difficult to deal with so I just denied what was happening. I did not have real feelings and I did not see reality in its true sense.

The AA and Al-Anon programs and the twelve steps allowed me to develop the ability to experience my feelings, identify them, and react appropriately. Today I am able to feel anger, fear, sadness, joy, hope, and a whole gamut of emotions without having to stuff them or twist them into something else.

I also learned how to handle the jumbled thoughts and ideas I had in my mind all the time. I had a very large and loud committee meeting all the time in my head. It drove me crazy. It took me many years, but I finally silenced the committee. I am now able to have more coherent thinking, am able to weigh information more clearly, and I can make decisions that are healthy for me. Now, to me, that is living real.

Being real also means that I more frequently know how to handle situations that used to baffle me. I am able to respond to others even when I feel off-balance. I have learned to allow myself time to think before I open my mouth. Today I know how to "say what I mean", "mean what I say", and I don't "say it mean". This is LIVING REAL.

Again, thanks JUST BE REAL.

Prayer Girl

Tuesday, 4/28/09 - "PROMISES"

"PROMISES"

("5th STEP PROMISES")

I took the 4th and 5th steps within a month or two of finally surrendering to my alcoholism. I wanted to change. I needed to change if I didn't want to drink again. I wanted to feel differently - stop hating myself, quiet the anger, resentment, guilt and shame that had held me in their grip for so long.

I was desperately ready to know the truth about myself. I had, for a long time, known all about what was wrong with "you". I needed to know about myself. I had no hope of changing "you", but I had come to understand that there was hope of changing myself by working and living the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.

I had been in near total denial about everything. I couldn't see and didn't know what was reality and what needed changing. The 4th and 5th steps provided the method to do this.

I had taken the first three steps when I woke up from my last drunk. I admitted my powerlessness, realized how insane my behavior and my life was, and handed it over to God. At that time, God was pretty much you in Alcoholics Anonymous. God restored me to sanity through the working of the rest of the steps.

I took a deep, honest, no-holds-barred look at myself and then shared all that I found with God, myself, and another person. In our Big Book, "Alcoholics Anonymous", p. 75, there are promises associated with taking the 5th step. These promises were not WHY I did the 5th step. But, they are beautiful and a wonderful gift associated with doing the honest work of this step. These promises are contained in the following excerpt:

"We pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every twist of character, every dark cranny of our past. Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted.
We can look the world in the eye.
We can be alone at perfect peace and ease.
Our fears fall from us.
We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator.
We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience.
The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly.
We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe."

Some of these promises came quickly, most came more slowly, but there was relief, a great relief. I was so grateful that the pressure-cooker of my mind and body found some release as a result of completing step 5.

Today I am grateful for:
Sleep that washes away the exhaustion of yesterday.
Sleep that takes away the troubles of the prior day.
Sleep that leads into new days with new possibilities.
Healing hands.
Finally writing a blog.
Prayers and their answers

Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: God keeps His promises by Barbara Mock)

Monday, 4/27/09 - "MAKING A DIFFERENCE"

"MAKING A DIFFERENCE"

Thank you so much, Mile 191, for this wonderful award. You make a difference in my life. I care what happens to you, what you think and feel, and that you credit "moi" - 'little ole me' - with making a difference in your life.

So many of us in the recovery community have struggled with feelings of low self-esteem which include not feeling good enough, not measuring up, and can not imagine actually making a difference to anyone. It has been my own experience and watching others change that all those negatives turn around with the working of the twelve steps and time.

So many of us start out as egomaniacs with inferiority complexes. My inferiority complex was larger than my egomania and as I changed with the Alcoholics Anonymous and then the Al-Anon programs I came to believe that I do make a difference in the lives of others.

There are those who overcompensate for their low self-esteem more in the other direction and are egomaniacs running around with heads as big as gigantic helium balloons. When those type individuals improve by working the twelve steps, their egos become deflated and they are then able to appreciate that others make a difference in their lives.

LET'S ALL KEEP BLOGGING AND
MAKING A DIFFERENCE IN EACH OTHERS LIVES.

Prayer Girl

Sunday, 4/26/09 - "LOOKING BACK"

"LOOKING BACK"

Sometimes things happen that you just know are 'God's will', even though they represent a huge change that will take a lot of adjusting to and will undoubtedly cause some pain of loss. One such moment is in the process of happening.

A dear, sweet girl, Zoe, who I have known and sponsored for more than a few years is moving. I met her at the first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting she attended after she got out of a local treatment program. I have had the privilege and honor to sponsor Zoe and watch God transform an emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual wreck into a woman of dignity and beauty.

She has met and successfully dealt with one challenge after another in those years. The years I have known her amount to a decent chunk of time yet feels in this moment like the length of time it would take me to inhale and blow out a quick breath of air.

I remember that very first meeting when this girl ended up sitting next to me. (There are no mistakes in God's world.) She was frightened, nervous - her leg swinging back and forth in constant rhythmic motion. Her eyes were cast down toward the floor and she looked ready to bolt and run, but I could tell that she was firmly resolved to stay in her seat for that entire hour.

She had been told by the counselor at the local treatment center that she needed to get a sponsor. A guy at this meeting who knew she just got out of treatment, had seen her at one of the meetings they hold at the center, and may have had a thought in his head to "hit on her", came up at the end of the meeting to remind her to get a sponsor. BUT I had already seen the need this girl had, reached out my hand to her including my phone number, and like a mother bird - sent this guy "packing" with a few simple words - kind but direct.

In our Big Book, "Alcoholics Anonymous", there is a portion read at almost every meeting I've ever gone to from, "How it Works", p. 58 that goes like this:

"There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recovery if they have the capacity to be honest."

I always thought I was one of those people, but over the years have come to realize I'm luckier than those I believe this statement is talking about. Zoe is one of these people referred to in this sentence. She fights for sobriety and soundness of mind on many fronts.

Thank God she has the capacity to be honest. It has been a difficult struggle to maintain that honesty, her sobriety and her mental health, but she is succeeding. She has no idea how far she has actually come and that is part of the reason I am writing this. She is a miracle. Despite the constant challenges she faces and always will, she ultimately perseveres by applying Honesty, Open-mindedness, and Willingness and asking God and her sponsor for help.

Today she has a hand that has been trained to pick up the phone and keep her sponsor informed. She listens when I suggest more meditation and prayer or that she should make a call to her doctor. She listens when I have to say things she does not want to hear. Moving will present large problems for her.

This move will bring many blessings to her and her family despite the challenges it presents. She will face the realities of having to find a new sponsor, a new doctor, new home group, new sober friends. I truly believe God's will is being worked out here and that He will not take her this far just to desert her. God will see that her needs are met.

I love Zoe with all my heart and soul. Our sponsor-sponsee relationship etched a deep groove in our lives. We were able to mutually share very private things with each other. She was also one of the first people God led me to place my hands on in a healing way. He passed healing of mind, body, and spirit to her.

I will be praying with all my might for her sobriety, mental health, and total well-being. I am reaching out to my blogging community to ask for your prayers for this beautiful soul. I ask you all to keep Zoe in your prayers.

A large change like this tends to bring up old memories, generate fears, and generally set one a little off center. This has happened to her and has provided me an opportunity to remind her that she is not the person she used to be, is certainly not the person I met at that first meeting, and that she lives a totally different life today.

Thanks for keeping her in your prayers along side of mine.

Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: Life''s Journey by commanderlewis)

Saturday, 4/25/09 - "POWERLESS-RESISTANCE-ACCEPTANCE-POWER

"POWERLESS-RESISTANCE-
ACCEPTANCE-POWER"

When I resist change and am not accepting things as they are, this leads to dis-ease and discord within the self.

When I find myself feeling lack of peace and serenity, then no matter how right I think I am and no matter how sure I am of that fact, I need to let go and accept that things are exactly the way they should be.

Though I hate change, I need to embrace change. The pain is in the resistance to that change. "Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake." (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 417)

This pattern of powerlessness and resultant resistance eventually leading to so much pain that acceptance and finding the Power I lack, can exist in any area of my life. I was powerless over the total grip alcohol ended up having over me. It happened quickly and subtly and by the time I became aware of the fact that I had lost choice where alcohol was concerned, I was also at the very same time in total denial of my alcoholism. This created total insanity. In my denial I resisted the truth. When I finally found Alcoholics Anonymous, for a while I resisted the necessary changes I was shown by those I met in AA and the pain grew and grew as the resistance built.

I finally accepted my powerlessness and took steps 1, 2, and 3 and have not had a drink since that day.

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Then I was able to proceed through the rest of the steps and connect with that Power I lacked - that Power that I needed to relieve my alcoholism.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

This same pattern occurs when people, places, or things are not to my liking - my specifications, not doing things the way I think they should be done. It serves me well to begin with the "Serenity Prayer":

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Once I have changed the things that I can, then I need to accept what I cannot change if I want serenity rather than chaos in my life.

"Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me
and in my attitudes." (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 417)

Prayer Girl says, "Amen!!!"

(Photo credit: Aurore Simonnet/Sonoma State University/NASA)

Friday 4/24/09 - "THE BOX - Part III"

Every Friday, compose a short story of 55 words - no more, no less. if you want to join in the fun and games and give it a try...post your story and report to the boss G-Man!

THE BOX - Part III

Here she is, his marionette, trying desperately to pull her own string, reach out for that pink phone.

Suddenly it rings. Fear courses through - dark and quick. She reaches, snatches it up.

Hears, "Remember me? We met at the coffee shop last week. Wanna try one of the meetings, twelve steps I told you about?"

Prayer Girl
_______________________________

Note: The following was LAST WEEK'S "55 Flash Fiction Friday":

"THE BOX - Continued"

Her life had collapsed and restricted her more with each passing year.

The occasional yes when she really meant no was easier than the creation of discord. Surely there was no harm in this.

However, the day finally came when it was always a yes, never a no, and she had become a lost puppet.

Thursday, 4/23/09 - "LOVE YA AWARD"

"LOVE YA AWARD"

"Love Ya Award" - what a great name for an award. I guess there is no end to the names we could give blog awards. I think if I were going to make some up, they might include:

"Prayerful Blog Award"

"Most From the Bottom of the Heart Blog Award"

"Most Unusual Blog Theme Award"

"Most Hilarious Blog Award"

Well, enough fun for now - on to this award.

Thank you Colleen at "Surviving by Grace" (click here) for giving me The LOVE YA AWARD:

“These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award."

If you've won it already, please just accept this as a gift!

Thanks to the following for blessing us with your openness in sharing your journey:

1. Journey of the Spirit of Hope..trudging the road of happy destiny!

2. I'm just F.I.N.E.--Recovery in Al-Anon

3. 1 Door Away From Heaven part II

4. Elegant Blessings

5. Another Sober Alcoholic

6. Mile 191

7. ZaneJabbers

8. A Song Not Scored For Breathing

Prayer Girl

Wednesday, 4/22/09 - "GRATEFUL"

(Photo credit: Lettuce Head by Donna Eaton - I'm just hanging out with lettuce head!)

"GRATEFUL"

I attended an Al-Anon meeting today. It is a discussion meeting based on an Al-Anon book "Opening our Hearts Transforming our Losses". The girl who led the meeting celebrated 6 years in the program today and she chose the topic "GRATITUDE", from pages 170 - 172.

This is an excerpt (p. 171) from the reading:

"How do we practice gratitude? Some members have found it helpful to write a gratitude list on a regular basis. Others have developed a daily practice of saying thank you for small things, even for difficult moments and what they have to teach us. We learn to trust that we are exactly where we are supposed to be at this very moment. Pain and joy often coexist side by side. Gratitude is not about ignoring life's problems and difficulties. Rather, it's about recognizing that life isn't all or nothing."

For me:
I am grateful that when I am sad or feel grief, I don't have to run from those feelings. I can move through them and I have the tools of the program to help me do this.

I am grateful for the tools of Alcoholics Anonymous and of Al-Anon and my ability to use them. I use prayers - the serenity prayer and calling out to God for help as well as the phone to call my sponsor and other program friends. I can use the steps to remember my powerlessness, to turn my will and my life over to the care of God, or to make amends. I can utilize the slogans and "Let Go and Let God", put "First Things First", remember that "There but for the Grace of God Go I", and I can "Keep it Simple".

I am grateful that I have learned how to calm myself, to find serenity and peace of mind in the middle of upset.

I am so grateful that I can enter an AA or Al-Anon meeting and find myself in the midst of friends, be they people I know or total strangers, and find myself speaking a common language with them.

I am grateful that in AA and Al-Anon meetings I feel safe and have developed a sense of trust.

I am grateful for the journey God has led me on so far and I trust His future guidance.

I am grateful for my recovery and the spiritual connection it has created.

I am grateful that God is holding me and those I love in His hands.

I am grateful for the power of prayer.

Prayer Girl

Tuesday, 4/21/09 - "THEME OF THE DAY"

(Doctors came one after another after another!)

"THEME OF THE DAY"

I came to a realization recently that some time after returning from volunteering at the hospital on Mondays, I see a "Theme for that day".

The following event is the reason I began to think about "THEMES FOR THE DAY". At Easter, a friend was admitted to the hospital for severe abdominal pains only to find out while there that there was something more serious happening, a tumor growing behind the eye. During that Monday visit right after Easter, I visited several patients who told a very similar story. They were admitted for one thing only to discover something else of a critical nature needing immediate attention. This was the "BEING ADMITTED FOR ONE THING ONLY TO DISCOVER SOMETHING MORE SERIOUS NEEDING ATTENTION THEME!"

Prior to this, I had not given any real thought to the idea of a "common thread" occurring during my visits on any given Monday. I decided to look back through my memory and to be aware of possible themes in the future.

I remember several months ago when I had first started at the hospital, a pattern emerged. It was "95 YEAR OLD WOMEN ASKING THE RHETORICAL QUESTION, "WHY AM I STILL HERE? THEME". These women didn't mean, why am I in the hospital? They wondered why God had them still on this earth. I remember two women in the same day asking me this and there were other situations that were similar though the question was not asked.

So....today I decided that after I returned home I would let my mind wander over the day to see if there was a theme. I didn't have to wait till I got home. It became clear before I left for the day. The second patient I visited (in the Progressive Care unit) had a nurse with him so I waited in the hall. When she left, I went in and within minutes his doctor arrived. I excused myself and went into the hall again to wait. As I waited, I saw another doctor enter the room and then leave, saying, "I'll come back when the doctor is finished." When I realized I would be waiting for another doctor as well, I left.

Later I visited another patient and as we talked, a doctor entered and I left the room to wait. When the doctor left, I went back in and no sooner had we started talking again than another doctor entered. I excused myself again and left.

"DOCTORS COMING ONE AFTER ANOTHER AFTER ANOTHER" was the theme for today.

Curiouser and curiouser. Life is interesting and exciting.

Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: www.nicholsoncartoons.com.au.)

Monday, 4/20/09 - "WHERE'S PRAYER GIRL?"

(Riding safely on the back of her Higher Power!)

"WHERE'S PRAYER GIRL?

Remember the books, puzzles, and games titled "WHERE'S WALDO?" and you had to hunt for where the character, Waldo, was hiding?

The question now is "WHERE'S PRAYER GIRL?

This is where PRAYER GIRL is:

Prayer Girl did something really wrong when she worked out at the gym Saturday and on Sunday she experienced a lot of trouble with her lower back. Double Aleve finally helped in the afternoon and she waited to take more before bed.

Monday is hospital volunteer day and usually a work-out after that, but not this week.

Prayer Girl will volunteer, but no exercising. She needs to give her back a longer rest.

PG met with her book club friends Sunday. They read a book by a local author, Diane Ketcham, "The Vanishing A-List". It was a really good read. PG is very picky and if a book doesn't grab her right away, she's apt to never finish it. PG finished this book and thoroughly enjoyed it. It was interesting to hear the author talk about how she wrote it, got it published, and promotes it.

PG was so happy to have been able to write a poem Saturday, "The Smile". Writing poetry is like giving birth to a piece of the soul.

Prayer Girl is also happy that she is doing a little better with her eating habits. She has been able to enjoy foods she likes, but a little less of them. She's counting calories. It took a week or two to get used to it, but she's in a groove and it's getting easier.

Prayer Girl got to ride her scooter to her home group Al-Anon meeting Sunday morning when the day was sunny and the air crisp and clear. She was able to give her sponsor a little Al-Anon anniversary gift (sponsor celebrated her 34th Al-Anon anniversary), meet with a sponsee, and later bike to the book club, and after that meet hubby for dinner out. All much fun - a glorious Sunday!

Prayer Girl is riding safely on the back of her Higher Power!

Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: Make Peace by Judi Liosatos)

Sunday, 4/19/09 - "THE SMILE"

"THE SMILE"

A glint, a flash, a parting, a hint...
Of corners' upward lift to heaven skyward
And from the sights - lights shoot - are sent
Winging, glowing, flowing, soaring like a bird

Then wider, gleaming, shining, all that it can be
Those lips apart - blooming petals pink and pure
Feathered lights shine through the eyes that see
And capture, hold, enfold - all surely lure

It calls to come, to jump, to play
And says the words - be free of care
It turns the day a whole new way
Turns the air around to something rare

Yet not just beauty to behold
Accounts for sweet pulsing passions felt
At sight of lips and eyes like gold
The soul is caught and heart melts

Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: Cosmetic Dentistry Cincinnati)

Saturday, 4/18/09 - "POSITIVE POSSIBILITIES"

(Positively joyful!)

"POSITIVE POSSIBILITIES"

I attended my Friday Al-Anon 11th Step Meditation meeting today. Following are a few excerpts from the reading we meditated on from, "Having Had a Spiritual Awakening", p. 50.

"I am not a body with a spirit, I am a spirit living in a body."

"...sees the deeper reality of my spiritual progress -
a desire to express compassion and love in daily life."


"How has my Al-Anon experience with the God
of my understanding helped me express
love and caring in other areas of my life?"

This was such a spiritual meeting. What I took away from it was a tremendous sense of the POSITIVE POSSIBILITIES that life offers. The degree to which I practice spiritual principles determines how positive my life will be.

These are some of the spiritual actions I try to practice regularly to help create "Positive Possibilities":

• Using affirmations

• Acknowledging problems and focusing on solutions

• Using the power of prayer

• Providing positive words of encouragement to myself and others

• Recognizing God in all things

• Bringing God into every interaction with others

• Asking God and allowing Him to express Himself in what I think, say, and do

• Giving the glory and honor to God
  

• Being sensitive to knowing when a newcomer is in the room when they have not identified themselves

• Reaching out to the newcomer

• Encouraging the newcomer and the old timer in trouble

• Living the 12 steps

• Having compassion for struggling alcoholics and Al-Anoners

• Having compassion for those who have succumbed to the disease of alcoholism
  

• Being grateful

Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: joyful by beefishlove)

Friday, 4/17/09 - "THE BOX - Continued"

every Friday, compose a short story of 55 words - no more, no less. if you want to join in the fun and games and give it a try...post your story and report to the boss G-Man!

"THE BOX - Continued"

Her life had collapsed and she was restricted more with each passing year.

The occasional yes when she really meant no was easier than creating discord. Surely there was no harm in this.

However, the day finally came when it was always a yes, never a no, and she had become a lonely lost puppet.

Prayer Girl

____________________________


Note: The following was LAST WEEK'S "55 Flash Fiction Friday":

"THE BOX"

Her eyes furtively slip to the small writing table. They dart from silver notebook to blue pen to pink cell phone. Her trembling, ambivalent hand reaches out and retracts.

If she calls, he'll contact the lawyer and win again. If she doesn't, she's the victim again and he wins.

Trapped in a box of fear.


(Photo credit: Anonymous - unable to locate proper credit)

Thursday, 4/16/09 - "GRATITUDE AWARD"

I thank Jess Mistress of Mischief for this Gratitude Award. I love her blog, Journey of the Spirit of Hope..trudging the road of happy destiny! You can go on over and see it - just (click here).

"GRATITUDE AWARD"

We create the world we 'see'.
Our attitudes shape our realities.

Since I received a Gratitude Award it is only fitting that my blog be about my gratitude.

• I am grateful for the change in how I see the world and the attitudes I hold today.

• I am grateful that I no longer see the world through eyes that desire to run, hide, or leave this world.

• I am grateful that today I see the world through the eyes of faith, trust, and hope.

• I have gratitude that I see the glass as half full - not half empty. Whenever that view begins to shift to 'less than', I have the tools to shift the perspective back to 'more than'.

• I am grateful for developing a belief in the power of prayer and the willingness to utilize that power.

• I am grateful that through experience I know that God answers prayer.

• I am grateful for Alcoholics Anonymous which saves my life and Al-Anon that expands the richness of my life, of my relationships.

• I am grateful for the 12 steps that showed me the path to my God.
  

• I am grateful that I ws able to finally set aside my "contempt prior to investigation", use affirmations, and experience their power.

• I am grateful for delicious Vanilla Lattes and Caramel Macchiato espresso drinks.

• I am grateful for my husband - that God saw fit that we meet, that we recognized His hand in our relationship, and that we sealed our lives as one the day we married.

• I am grateful for God's hand guiding my son and his new wife to seal their lives as one.

• I am grateful that my world of wonderful possibilities grows daily.

• I am grateful for the inspiration I find in the writings of my blog friends.

• I am grateful for each sponsee and recovering friend God brings into my life.

• I am grateful for the deep spiritual connections recovery has allowed me to experience.

• I am grateful for God's help with each poem and blog that I write and each picture I paint.

• I am grateful for God's unconditional love for and guidance given me, my husband, my children, and the bloggers I have met - especially those with serious health, relationship, financial, or other difficulties.

• I am grateful to be "Prayer Girl".

(Photo credit: woman praying by David MacDonald)

Wednesday, 4/15/09 - "A BLOG ABOUT NOTHING" - (The bathing of his elephant)

(Mahout Bathing an Elephant in India)

"A BLOG ABOUT NOTHING"
(The bathing of his elephant)

Here is just a picture, but not just any picture. The angle of the shot is unique. The subject is a large and imposing animal that inspires awe. There is contrast between man and beast.

This photo conjures up many different thoughts, feelings, and emotions. For me, this is what art - music, painting, poetry, photography, all forms of artistic expression - does, stirs the soul.

There is great love and care being given to this huge animal by a small and gentle man. Great energy and power is being subdued by the loving caress of his gentle ministrations. This creature is leisurely and peacefully basking in the calm pool.

I feel the coolness of the air mixed with the warmth of the sun's rays. There are soft breezes blowing across this scene. The air smells fresh with a scent of the sun mixed in.

This elephant appears so peaceful and calm. He is leisurely basking in the cool, clear, green water, being soothed by his caregiver. A beast is tamed by the water and the word of his caretaker.

I love finding just the right picture to help express the thoughts and feelings of my blog. I love this picture.

Alcoholics Anonymous has given me a new freedom. I am free to be me, free to blog about anything I want to, free to blog about nothing.

Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: Mahout Bathing an Elephant, India by Mohit Midha)

Tuesday, 4/14/09 - PICTURES OF POWERLESSNESS"

"PICTURES OF POWERLESSNESS"

When I visit or volunteer at the hospital I am always struck by the stark "powerlessness" the patients there are experiencing. It reminds me of my "powerlessness" - of our "powerlessness".

I knocked on a patient's door and was invited into the room. As I entered, the lady in the room jumped up from a chair . She was quite agitated and said she was very disturbed. When she heard the knock at the door, she hoped it was someone arriving to transport her to surgery. She said that because it was a Holiday weekend, she had to wait over the entire weekend for her surgery, it was scheduled for 7:30 a.m. in the morning and I entered the room about 10:30 and she was still waiting. POWERLESS!

When I crossed over that line into alcoholism, it was subtle and I was totally unaware of the fact it happened till much later. From the moment I crossed it, I was powerless over alcohol. My drinking escalated without any ability to prevent it. When I drank, I was powerless over the outcome - how much I would drink or how it might affect me or others. It was not a pretty scene. POWERLESS!

Other people often do not behave the way I would like them to. They make choices and decisions that I may not think are wise. I have no control over them. I am POWERLESS!

I think of Hurricane Wilma as the winds began to howl in the deepest part of a night in October of 2006. The winds were so strong that all the exterior and interior doors shook and rattled as the force of the wind found its way through the slightest cracks of all the doors and windows of the house. I had prepared a space in our walk-in closet 'just in case' and spent several terrifying hours through those long dark hours debating whether to lie still or go to the closet. POWERLESS!

I learned about powerlessness when I took step one in the Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon programs. I can only say, "Thank God there is a step two and three". Without step three I would have been unable to admit my total lack of power. I needed a power greater than myself. Once I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God, then I was able to admit being POWERLESS!

Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: Storm by sjculley)

Monday, 4/13/09 - "IMAGES OF EASTER"

"IMAGES OF EASTER"

Thoughts about Easter and what it means to me!

• Easter is resurrection - victory over death - eternal life - renewal - rebirth

• Easter is joy, love, hope, faith
  

• Easter is forgiving and being forgiven
  

• Easter is Springtime - flowering shrubs, trees, flowers, grass, all things new

• I think of green, pink, yellow, blue, lavender, purple, beautiful vibrant colors, a riot of rich color

• Easter is the mystery and excitement of little ones running all over hunting Easter eggs.

• I remember all the work that Easter entailed - boiling eggs, coloring the eggs, shopping for fun things I hid in plastic eggs, preparing and hiding baskets so as not to be found till after church on Easter, planning an Easter meal, hiding eggs inside and out, hunting those eggs and baskets, and eating a family meal together. Now the children are all grown up and not here this Easter, but I am so very glad I went the extra mile and extra expenditure of energy then to create fun and beautiful memories for me and my children now. It was worth every moment.
  

• Easter cannot come and go without my thinking of my parents - most often they were with us for Easter. They are celebrating in heaven these days and I say, "Happy Easter Mom and Dad".

• When I think of Easter with its rebirth, forgiveness, faith, hope, love, and joy I can't help but think of how grateful I am to God for bringing me to Alcoholics Anonymous and allowing me to experience a rebirth of my own - a wonderful blessing that continues every Easter - every day.
  

• At the close of this Easter day, I reach out with special prayers and love to my blogger friends. Hope your weekend was a glorious one.

Prayer Girl

(Photo credits: photo #1 titled Easter eggs, photo #2 by hemccune, photo #3 by agata_marta)

Sunday, 4/12/09 - "ON MY MIND"

(Easter Vigil Mass)

"ON MY MIND"

This is what is on my mind tonight:

The Easter Vigil mass is in progress at my church at this very moment. At this time last year, I was participating in this beautiful and holy service as I became a member of the Catholic faith. My daughter, friends, and husband were all there. I will never forget the darkness in the church as we entered with our lighted candles and proceeded down the aisle to our seats. It was a very long and solemn occasion full of God's magnificent spirit.

Tomorrow morning will be Easter and my mind is full of reminiscences of many Easters past. My parents are gone and my children will be together in Tampa this year. Easters past most often included their presence, lots of hidden eggs, candy, presents, Easter baskets, flowers, colorful clothes, church service, and an Easter meal. I miss those times, but am very happy that I have such wonderful memories.

On my mind is a girl Steveroni and I visited in the hospital this evening. "B" is a lovely girl who is a devoted member of Alcoholics Anonymous. She has just been told she has an operable brain tumor and there is also something wrong in her stomach area that they are still trying to diagnose. I was given the spiritual opportunity to place my hands on her. That is a gift from God to me. I pray that God will grace this girl with His loving, healing power.

I'm thinking about what a glorious day it has been and how grateful I am. I was able to ride my scooter everywhere - to the grocery, to Starbucks, to a Woman's Noon AA meeting. Later it was still sunny with a little breeze and I biked down to the gym for a workout. Hubby and I biked to Olive Garden for a delicious meal and then to the hospital to see our friend. The ride back home at dusk was refreshing. A day to remember.

On my mind was the need to write this blog. That is no longer on my mind. It's done.

You, my blogger friends are also on my mind. I'm thinking of those of you who are trudging through difficult times and I am sending my support, love, and prayers as you move to a better place. I have been where you are and am living proof that these things pass. For those of you who are in a good place, I glory with you in your happy moments.

HAPPY EASTER TO YOU ALL!

Love and prayers to all,
Prayer Girl

Saturday, 4/11/09 - "THE BOX"

every Friday, compose a short story of 55 words - no more, no less. if you want to join in the fun and games and give it a try...post your story and report to the boss G-Man!

"THE BOX"

Her eyes furtively slip to the small writing table. They dart from silver notebook to blue pen to pink cell phone. Her trembling, ambivalent hand reaches out and retracts.

If she calls, he'll contact the lawyer and win again. If she doesn't, she's the victim again and he wins.

Trapped in a box of fear.

Prayer Girl

Friday, 4/10/09 - "BROKEN MAN"

"BROKEN MAN"

"I can never know what shaped him into the
person he became, yet I am grateful to Al-Anon,
where I learned to replace condemnation with compassion."

- From "Hope For Today", April 9, p. 100

BROKEN MAN
Here now stands a broken man - a shell
With countless years strewn wide behind
Of broken vows, banished hopes - he fell
Searching, seeking promise of a better place
- For just another drop his soul he'd sell

Ears ring - he hears an angel's bell
But too much to see, too much to bear
He languishes locked inside his self-made Hell
Yet deep inside that man's thin husk
Dwells the God of all who can make him well

God's eyes weep, His heart breaks
He'd give His life for this man's sake

And He did!

Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: http://www.sodahead.com/user/profile/964402/broken/)

Thursday, 4/9/09 - "SLEEP ELUDES ME"

"SLEEP ELUDES ME"

Sleep eludes me
Now - in the deepest part of night
Thoughts are flashing
Though I try with all my might
To tuck them in for good
And close the curtains of my sight

Sleep evades me
In this solitude of midnight
Where emotions fly about
Sparking thoughts like brilliant light
And my brain just cannot close
No shuttered mind this night

Sleep escapes me
In the silence of this night
But God is here
Gently whispering goodnight
Speaking in the stillness
Saying everything's alright
Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: February Stars by RedSigns)

Wednesday, 4/8/09 - "A IS FOR ANGEL"

"A IS FOR ANGEL"

A is for lots of things and ANGEL is one of them. I need my ANGEL, "Morningstar", watching out after my wayward self. When I am wayward, it is usually in my thoughts, attitudes, and temperament. Negativity creeps in (in it's very petty pace), sneaks up on me, and I'm 'off and running' down some back way. Then I call out, "Morningstar", HELP me. What happens? Sometimes a lovely phone call, or I see a beautiful butterfly flutter by, hear a song I dearly love, see a painting that touches my soul, or think to pray. Then I'm back on my trusted way again.

A is for ALCOHOLIC. I have found over the years that I don't know what is good for me. When I first arrived at the doors of ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS (more A words) I thought it was the worst thing that could have happened to me. I now see that it is actually the very best thing that has ever happened. Being an ALCOHOLIC and finding ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS has given me a new life that has rocketed me into the 4th, 5th, 6th, ..... dimensions.

A is for AL-ANON. What a glorious God-given program. Living with alcoholics made me crazy, mentally and emotionally sick, without my knowing it. I was very unhealthy and getting worse year by year long before I became 'one of them' (an alcoholic) myself.

A is for one of the many gifts I have received from Al-Anon, the three A's - AWARENESS, ACCEPTANCE, ACTION give me such hope. Without AWARENESS of myself, others, and my relationships, I remain in everlasting ignorance and without any defense when I am in conflict with myself or others. As painful and difficult as it may be to come out of the darkness of denial, it is only in the light of truth that any positive change can take place. I have stopped fighting and am willing to ALLOW (ah, another A) myself to become AWARE of my own defects and strengths and to be honest about other persons and my relationships with them. I then need to ACCEPT things as they are. I don't have to like them, but ACCEPT I must. Then and only then can I ask God to show me what ACTION I need to take and give me the courage to take it.

AMEN and ALLELUIA are spiritual words that punctuate the way I wish to live my life, think my thoughts, and express my feelings. If I am putting God first and asking that He guide all that I think, say, and do, then AMEN will be on my lips, in my heart, and in my mind always (I will be saying "Yes, God - Your will, not mine!"). I will always be saying, "ALLELUIA" - praise God.

ALWAYS - I am an ALCOHOLIC and will ALWAYS be an ALCOHOLIC. If I remember this and always ACT ACCORDINGLY (another A), then my life will be blessed - blessed in good times and in not so good times.

As you might have guessed, I am very grateful today - As I write this blog I have an ATTITUDE of Gratitude.

Love and prayers,
Prayer Girl

Tuesday, 4/7/09 - TRUDGING "THE ROAD OF HAPPY DESTINY"

(My road leads into the light!)

TRUDGING "THE ROAD
OF HAPPY DESTINY"

A few days I am focused on the 'trudging' part of this phrase, but, more often than not, I am magnifying the "happy destiny" portion.

Trudging can get the upper hand if I am worrying about an outcome - projecting - not living in the NOW. At those times things seem difficult, complicated, overwhelming, and solutions appear out-of-my-grasp.

I have learned how to turn this around by shifting my perspective to a positive attitude - an attitude of gratitude. I do this by using the tools I have learned first in Alcoholics Anonymous and later in Al-Anon. Some of the tools I use are prayer, acceptance, trust, faith, belief, the 12 steps, the 12 traditions, the slogans, the telephone, my sponsor, and meetings.

Today I am living my "happy destiny". I know that as long as I continue to live my AA and Al-Anon programs and freely give away what I have been so freely given, this "road of happy destiny" will take me into forever.

As I have moved down this joyful road, these are just some of the things I have found:

• Freedom from the bondage to alcohol

• Freedom from slavery to people, places, or things

• Freedom from constant fear, worry, and anxiety

• Acceptance in general, acceptance of myself
  

• Serenity, peace of mind, emotional balance

• An intuitive sense of how to deal with people, places, and things that used to terrify me, leaving me feeling powerless, alone, less than, and totally inadequate and filled with fear

• Belief in the power of prayer to actually change my insides and my outer conditions

• Self-love and true love for others
  

• Hope has replaced that hopeless state of mind where despair and dread dwelt always....light has dispelled that darkness

• I am free to be me..........
  

Prayer Girl!

(Photo credit: Dirt Road by DancinPants)