Monday, December 1, 2008

Tuesday, 12/2 - WHY?


Last week at the hospital I visited with a 94 year old woman who in the course of our conversation asked me, "Why am I still here?". She said, "I'm outliving my money." Today, another lady of 92 years asked the same question, "Why am I still here?"

Both women asked these questions in a rhetorical fashion, not really expecting an answer, but expressing puzzlement with why their lives kept going on and on. Both women expressed the idea that they had led good and fulfilling lives and though they didn't say it, it was clear to me, they felt "ready to go".

Several days ago, I was directed by Big Jen to a site that provided an informative and very personal video of the life of people with CF - Cystic Fibrosis - an inherited disease of the mucus and sweat glands that affects the lungs, and other internal organs. It shortens and severely restricts the life of innocent young people. Why? Why are some people born with such a crippling disease?

In Alcoholics Anonymous, in Alanon, in life, I have heard questions such as, "Why am I an alcoholic?", "Why was I abused?", "Why did I have to suffer so much?", "Why were my parents taken from me at such a young age?"

I have no answers. However, in considering the questions, I am reminded of "powerlessness". I know that we alcoholics are powerless over alcohol. People are powerless over a lot of things that happen to them in this life.

I also remember the words of my
parish priest when I was on a spiritual search for understanding about a year ago. What he told me applies to lots of these situations. He told me the following:

God has His purposes.
God's purposes are none of my business.
I will not understand His purposes.


I do not know the mind of God, but I do believe He is loving and cares about us. I became convinced of this when He gave me the gift of sobriety.

Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: Healing Light by Free Spirit Iris)


mile191 said...

very much to think about. there are always those out there who are hurting so much worse than we. i think i will direct my prayer that way today. thanks for sharing.

and THANKS for everything. thanks for continuing to read me. even knowing the worst things about me, you come back. it is surly a testimony of the love God has when people who don't know you are so wonderful.

Shadow said...

why? so many times i've asked myself that. then comes the longing to go back to a time, a time in my life that i wasn't dependant. followed by tears and regret... i can do that, or i could just accept....

big Jenn said...

I can see clearly why Annie had CF. Her illness was an absolute blessing for sooo many people. It brought out the best in everyone. God's grace in action. I would not be who I am without my life this far, again God's grace in action. If we are eternal,(and I believe we are), then it is all Gods love unfolding. I get it, but it dosen't make me any less human while it's all happening! Love, jeNN

Gabriella Moonlight said...

I have asked myself and God this many times in my life, but you know what I found, I never once got an answer, the only thing that happened was that I learned to live with the mystery and very rarely do I ask why anymore, I just know that there is a reason, that is the mystery to it all.

Thank you for this beautiful post.
Hugs, G~*

Findon said...

When my old sponsor became ill, unable to work or even walk some days he asked his sponsor "Why me?"
His sponsor replied "Why not you".
For me I know this much, when I have overcome adversity, when I see others doing that, some on a daily basis, it lifts me above the every day humdrum of life. Then I see the enormity of what God can do.

Faith said...

lol yup I have officially adopted you and Steve, hope you don't mind =)

~Tyra~ said...

Thank you for this post, I needed to hear this.

Cat said...

Powerlessness is such a big part of life I am finding. but more than that is accepting our powerlessness. The first time I really understood it was when I read that first step and as we went around the room other people shared their own personal stories of powerlessness.

Loved this post today PG. Thank you.


♥Shann♥ said...

I take a lot of comfort in that, God has a plan for all of us, even if we dont know it, or can see it at the moment, and sometimes it aint even about us. Reminds me of a little story about this gal who was rock climbing for the first time. She was scared. and going up behind someone was dusty and dirty and she kept getting stuff in her eyes, well she rubbed one of her eyes she ended up rubbing the contanct lense right out of her eye and couldnt see. She was struck with fear. She was so high up and she couldnt see the hand and foot holes clearly, the guide above helped her to the top, all the while she was praying, scared to death, but having faith that she would reach the top. When she did, she was oversome with such accomplishment for not giving up, even though she was blind and scared. As they sat above eating some snacks and enjoying the moment about a half an hour later they over heard some guys laughing and talking about how an ant was on the side of mountain carrying a contact lense. One of the those grabbed the contact lense to show people for proof of his story. The lady who lost the contact was awed, and went over to the guy to tell him what had happened. See the ant didnt know why he was supposed to carry the contact lense, he just did.. I dont know lol I think I messed up the story a bit but I just get that sometimes we carry heavy burdens and get through them, so we can pass on our ES&H thanks for sharing this today PG ♥

Syd said...

I don't ask why anymore. The what if, yes but, and if only's used to run through my head a lot. I steer away from those thoughts now. I just do my best to deal with whatever happens. It is what it is--and like you said, my faith in a Higher Power gets me through.

steveroni said...

Syd, you always have some real bon mots to send out here. Thanks you.

Prayer Girl, I'm going out, let me know when you get home cell phone on.

Anonymous said...

I always like to approach my life experiences (good and bad) as merely pages and chapters in a book. And I simply don't know what the next page will bring. There have been things that have happened in my life that have simply made no sense. Until I had the next experience and saw how everything fit in together. And the next experience and the next and next...

This outlook keeps me excited about life and keeps me motivated to keep "reading" the pages in my "book." Lord knows there have been plenty of times I have wanted to throw in the towel.

Progress, Not Perfection said...

Just what I needed to hear today. I am really struggling and your post about powerlessness certainly hit home. I know for a fact that I am trying to stronghold my way through certain areas of my life. God has a purpose... now I need to let go.

Thank you Prayer Girl.