REFLECTIONS ON CHANGE, SPIRITUALITY, BELIEF, FAITH, PRAYER, AND MORE
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Wednesday 12/24 - "THE FACE OF FEAR"
(YIKES!) "THE FACE OF FEAR"
"For the most part, fear is nothing but an illusion. When you share it with someone else, it tends to disappear." - Marilyn C. Barrick
This quote reminds me of what we hear in our Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, "A problem shared is a problem cut in half." So in this case, it would be, "A fear shared is a fear cut in half."
My first, middle, and last names used to be "FEAR". When I arrived at the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous, I was filled with so much fear that I was frozen - unable to take any action to help myself. I was not able to speak my fear because first of all, I was out of touch with my feelings and didn't recognize the fear. Second, I had spent a lifetime to that point hiding my feelings from myself and from you.
The process of facing and ridding myself of those overwhelming fears has been so liberating. Discovering my character defects and asking God to relieve me of them has gone a long way to reduce my fears.
My fears are often a product of:
* My perfectionism - fearing I will not do or say something perfectly and you will, as a result, reject me or find me to be less than.....
* My tendency to make mountains out of molehills. I have what is described in one of the stories in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, a "magic, magnifying mind". I have a tendency to magnify things right into the place of fear.
* Projection - projecting all kinds of outcomes with no way of knowing what will actually transpire in the future. This kind of fear robs me of the present.
* People pleasing - Fear that if I don't please you, you will reject me and influence others against me as well.
My fears have been cut dramatically by taking the 12 steps and in particular, steps 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9. Thank God I am no longer ruled by my fears. God is my guide.
I'm sober in AA since July 5th 1985, and a grateful member of Alanon since November 2004.
I joined the "blogosphere" in September, 2008.
In December 2011 I became a grandmother for the first time and now understand why it's such a big deal. I'm wildly in love again with that little guy.