"And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even alcohol."
From Alcoholics Anonymous (the Big Book), Chapter 6, Into Action, p. 84)
I fought the drink and I lost every single time. I fought in my spirit and in my mind that constant obsession to "again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks..." (BB, The Doctor's Opinion, p.xxvi) and lost over and over. And every time I lost the battle with that obsessive thought, I would take a drink and set in motion that totally overpowering compulsion to drink more and more.
I was also in constant turmoil with everyone around me. I fought for the right to drink. Let no one tell me I was drinking, drinking too much, or should stop. NO WAY! I would rather fight than have to do what was for me the impossible - stop drinking.
AND THEN - it was in the TOTAL SURRENDER I found upon awakening from my last drunk, that I ceased fighting alcohol completely and turned my drinking over to God. When I ceased fighting, the war just ended - for me, it was just like that. That didn't mean it was an easy road. I had to rebuild all that had been destroyed during the war with alcohol. God led me down each path I needed to travel to build a new world for myself, on the inside as well as on the outside. He changed my insides with the twelve steps and led me to new outside circumstances.
It was through the twelve steps that I was able to cease fighting everyone around me. I learned to take my focus off everyone else's faults and focus on my own. I had plenty of them. I learned to live a sober life. I learned to do what was good for me, but not at someone else's expense.
Today, I am first and foremost at peace within my mind and spirit and that allows me to be at peace with my disease. I don't fight it. I just leave it in God's hands and do my part - one day at a time - every single day.
I am also at peace with other people. I have ceased fighting them and I get along with most people. The few I don't mix well with - I just don't mix with them!
There is such power in surrender - one of the many wonderful paradoxes of our program.
(Photo credit: Here Kitt, Kitty - Darla Rupert)
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