REFLECTIONS ON CHANGE, SPIRITUALITY, BELIEF, FAITH, PRAYER, AND MORE
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Sunday 1/10/10 - "BLANK PAGES"
"This year is a book of clean blank pages on which I will write a record of my experiences and my growth through the daily use of the Al-Anon idea. I turned to Al-Anon as a last resort because I was living with a problem that was too much for me. I know I can deal with this problem through applying Al-Anon to myself, to my thoughts and my actions, every day." (From "One Day at a Time in Al-Anon", January 1, p. l)
I am so grateful that I can choose to begin this year with fresh, clean, blank pages. My life is a series of choices. I choose what thoughts will dominate my thinking. How I react to what others say and do is my choice as well. I choose how I wish to use the time I am given in a day. My attitudes are often formed by the thoughts I have chosen to focus on, be they negative or positive.
There was a time when I was unaware that the freedom to choose was mine. I felt a martyr and victim to life. I was often helpless and ineffectual. I had few coping skills. The result? I felt victimized and wondered why everything seemed to be stacked against me. I felt powerless, hopeless, and depressed.
Alcohol provided the solution to all this negativity. It made reality disappear. It provided a false feeling that nothing could hurt me and it made the pain go away. I was able to stop caring. This solution worked for only a short period of time. Within three years I was hopelessly controlled by alcohol. I was unable to choose whether I would drink or not. I drank daily. My ability to function deteriorated. I was approaching complete disaster.
Then I found sobriety through the grace of God. I was led to Alcoholics Anonymous where I found people who understood me. I asked a woman to be my sponsor. I worked the 12 steps of AA. I was released from the obsession and compulsion to drink. I learned how to not drink one day at a time.
When I was 19 years sober, God graced my life again by leading me to the Al-Anon program. What a wonderful gift. I wish I had found Al-Anon when I was 20 years old. But I am forever grateful I found it at all.
Today, with the AA and Al-Anon programs I know that I am powerless over alcohol and over people, places, and things. However, I also know that I am not powerless over my reactions. I have the choice to use the tools, slogans, steps of both programs.
Anytime I find myself in fear, worry, depression or anxiety, I can pick up a tool like the telephone to call another program member or go to a meeting. I can pray and have faith and trust that the Higher Power I am calling on will help me. These are choices that lead to positive outcomes. I have many personal experiences that show me God does hear and answers prayer.
Thank God I am able to turn to a blank page in my mind and start over anytime I need or want to. I can start over each day or even each moment if necessary. I am starting fresh right this moment. I am filling my mind with hope for a wonderful tomorrow for myself, those I love, and my blogging friends.
"Be kind; everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." - Plato
I'm sober in AA since July 5th 1985, and a grateful member of Alanon since November 2004.
I joined the "blogosphere" in September, 2008.
In December 2011 I became a grandmother for the first time and now understand why it's such a big deal. I'm wildly in love again with that little guy.