Monday, November 16, 2009

Tuesday 11/17/09 - "A DOOR INTO LIGHT"


"The action of Step Four gives us new-found courage and permission to love ourselves. The door is now open to new horizons of growth and a spiritual awakening we have never before experienced."

"People compared doing the Fourth Step to opening the door of a closet that has been locked for a long time, or looking into a mirror that I've been avoiding."

"Each spiritual awakening added another measure of light to my life."

(From "Paths to Recovery - Al-Anon's Steps, Traditions, and Concepts", pp. 43 & 46)

Though these excerpts come from an Al-Anon step book, they reflect how it was when I first got sober in Alcoholics Anonymous. I did not get and stay sober until I took the first three steps. When I woke up from my last drunk, I woke up changed in mind, body, and spirit.

I gave up. I surrendered. I "hit bottom". I suddenly understood clearly how powerless I was over alcohol and how insane my behavior was. I understood that I was an alcoholic, it was a fatal disease, and I needed power that I didn't possess to restore me to sanity. I gave up "thinking" - thinking about what I could or could not do (I had to be willing to go to any lengths), thinking about what was good or not good for me, thinking I had any idea how to stay sober. I turned my life over at that moment. I knew that I would find the answers in Alcoholics Anonymous.

I was led into treatment and when I came back home I knew I had to rid myself of the horrible shame and guilt I had needlessly carried around for too many years. I needed to "wash my spirit clean". I had to work step 4. I was filled with not just courage, but with an urgent desire to dump the past as quickly and completely as possible. God knew and I knew that if I didn't do this, I would be at risk of drinking again. I am glad I was willing to take a deep look into myself - no matter what I found.

I stopped blocking the truth, shared it with another person and with God. This action gradually opened the door to the truth I had kept from my own awareness. The 4th, 5th, and remaining 12 steps have brought me to a spiritual awakening, a spiritual connection that provides the power I lack. It is a power that never fails me. It is the power I need to live life and stay sober.

I took the action of the twelve steps. My life began to fill with light. The longer I continue to live according to these steps, the more light enters.

I pray God that light will enter your lives.

Prayer Girl

P.S. Ever since I posted yesterdays blog, I realize I have even more names for daughter's dog. I also call Lucky "Mr. Dog" and "Big Guy". :)


Tall Kay said...

I loved the visual of a locked closet! God had the key...I just have to try the key in the lock!

It sounds like it's still summer in FL! The pictures of Lucky are just precious! I hope your day was extra special today.

clean and crazy said...

this is a good post. i like talking about step 4. it was very enlightening. it was also very humbling. to look into a mirror and not hate the reflection looking back at me, that was a spiritual moment, it was very foreign and to this day i remember how much hate and disdain i used to look at the reflection in the mirror with that it is still such a profound difference. so many addicts are afraid of this step and it is the most loving thing you can do for yourself. great post.

Andrea said...

Hope you have a wonderful week.
Blessings and prayers, andrea

Steve E. said...

And I thought, as you called, "Here, Mr Dog, Hello Big Guy!" that you were talking to ME. You see, it's all about me.

(I like "Big Guy!")

Your explanation of Step Four and how YOU did it, that's what we are about. Step 4 IS action. Good post. Good picture!

Love, and PEACE!

Shadow said...

its hard. opening that door. but so very worthwhile.

Just Be Real said...

Great post PG! Appreciate your words. Blessings dear one...

sarah said...

this is a great post on the journey of healing and recovery. Sarah

Anonymous said...

This is some good stuff, PG. You are so right about how we can no longer think our way into a better place. We need to DO SOMETHING. It is no mistake that there is an entire chapter in the Book called Into Action.

Good stuff, darlin'.

Syd said...

I'm glad that you wrote about this. It is something that I have been thinking about today.