REFLECTIONS ON CHANGE, SPIRITUALITY, BELIEF, FAITH, PRAYER, AND MORE
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Monday 11/23/09 - "WHAT DO YOU SEE?"
"WHAT DO YOU SEE?"
What do you see when you look in the mirror? Do you see happy or sad? Do you see old or young, beautiful or ugly? Do you see fear or trust? Do you see incompetence or competence? Do you see shame or acceptance? Do you see slavery or freedom? Do you see clearly or dimly?
My answers to all these questions have been dependent upon my recovery. Finding Alcoholics Anonymous and later Al-Anon, working the 12 steps, and living a life of recovery has gradually changed my answers from the negative to the positive.
Happiness has replaced sadness as the norm in my life. I am no longer living in a state of constant depression. Today when I am sad, I take action to alleviate that mood. I talk to my sponsor, journal, go to a meeting, take positive actions that make me feel better - take a walk, be in nature, or visit a friend.
Do I see old or young, beautiful or ugly? This answer is too often a function of my self-image, how much I see myself through the eyes of others. The more I value, love, and honor myself, the younger and prettier I feel.
The result of working all 12 steps is a spiritual awakening and the formation of a spiritual connection with God. The closer I stay to God, the more my life is guided by trust, not fear.
I used to feel totally incompetent in all areas. My self-esteem was in the sub-basement. I felt that way whether I was performing poorly or brilliantly. It made no difference. Today, my self-esteem is "right sized". I am able to see myself clearly. I forgive myself for mistakes I make and do what I can to improve. I also give myself credit where it is due.
Shame is pretty much a thing of the past. If it slips in, I remember that I am a child of God and that I am totally accepted as I am. If I do something I regret, rather than feel shame, I take action to make amends - to put things right.
I used to be a slave to my emotions and crazy thinking, a slave to obsessive behaviors, a slave to alcohol. AA set me free from the bondage of alcohol. Al-Anon has continued to free me from past negative patterns of thinking and acting.
Do I see clearly or dimly? Steps 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9 have allowed my mind to move out of confusion and darkness into the light of truth.
Thank God for Alcoholics Anonymous, Al-Anon, and the 12 steps.
(Photo credit: feel old by hekatus at deviant art)
I'm sober in AA since July 5th 1985, and a grateful member of Alanon since November 2004.
I joined the "blogosphere" in September, 2008.
In December 2011 I became a grandmother for the first time and now understand why it's such a big deal. I'm wildly in love again with that little guy.