Sunday, August 30, 2009

Monday 8/31/09 - "USELESSNESS, SELF-PITY DISAPPEAR"


"THAT FEELING OF USELESSNESS

AND SELF-PITY WILL DISAPPEAR"

("Alcoholics Anonymous", p. 84 - 5th 9th step promise)


I hate to admit it, but I felt sorry for myself a large part of my life - that is until I found Alcoholics Anonymous. I was not aware of this fact, but my trip through the 12 steps revealed it to me. I played the victim, the martyr, the "oh poor me" role. I was filled with self-pity. Not a pretty sight when I was finally able to see it. But being aware is the first step in change. Then I accepted this was true and took action to change it by continuing to work the steps.

My self-esteem was in the very negative range by the time I found sobriety. I felt useless, of no value to myself or anyone else. The 4th and 5th steps uncovered these horrible feelings about myself. Thank God the rest of the steps were there for it was by taking all 12 steps that I was able to turn things around, asking God to remove my shortcomings, making amends, and establishing continuous contact with God.

Today, the only time I feel useless or harbor self-pity is when I find myself in "stinking thinking". It is my thoughts that take me to those places. I try never to stay there for long anymore. I have learned I have a choice. I can choose to pray, reach out to help another alcoholic, get to a meeting, call my sponsor, call another recovering person. These are ways I can adjust my attitude.

God uses me as I work the 12th step. When I keep gratitude in my heart, I cannot be in self-pity. I have been given much and for that I am grateful.

Love and prayers,
Prayer Girl

13 comments:

Madison said...

This is a great post. I bet when people saw you before you took steps to change, they would never have believed that your present life and mindset was possible. I love the picture. So very true. Thanks for giving the hope of change to come and for explaining how you can choose what you think.

~Christina~ said...

Really appreciate hearing this from a recovering alcoholic, PG. Reminds me to not take personal the selfish actions of the alcohlic. And reminds me how my continued detachment protects me from being hurt by it. Your a marvelous writer!! I bet you miss Mr. Steveroni!! I pray he is safe and having a ball!

Christina

Steve E. said...

Step 12...our reason for being.
Thanks.

Cheryl said...

Loved this post - like you, I spent much of my adult life before program, staggering along under the weight of a huge chip on my shoulder. I'm so grateful to have options to that, nowadays.

Cindy said...

Gratitude cures so many things.

Just Be Real said...

Super post PG!! It is very encouraging to anyone in a 12 step program. Blessings....

Paula said...

Hugs to you again. I really enjoy this post. it wasnt that I forgot to be grateful ebfore I went into therapy, I didnt know what is was. I had no concept of gratitude. Thanks for reminding me - particularly on a day where I do feel deeply grateful. Not taking aynthing granted anymore. Love, Paula

Findon said...

I agree all the way PG. Good post

Gin said...

Beautiful post PG. And so, so very true!

Shadow said...

it's a rude awakening. the one where you realise you've been playing the self-pity game... but much better once you get out!

Syd said...

Thanks Anna. I also had a lot of self-pity that seemed to run my life for so long. And much of the self-pity came from how others were treating me. I didn't see how I was treating myself. I'm glad to be better about that today.

Gabriella Moonlight said...

No truer words ever stated PG. Its true that it's really our thinking that gets us in places that we don't need to be, being in AA has led me to another belief that I can and need to be of service...and am grateful for it.
G

Mama Zen said...

Self-pity drags you down faster than anything. Great post!