"AT THE BEGINNING AND THE END"
On July 5, 1985, I passed out as I took my very last drink of alcohol. When I woke up on July 6 I finally surrendered totally to the fact that I was powerless over alcohol and it was the BEGINNING of sobriety for me. At that time, I knew I was "POWERLESS OVER "EVERYTHING" in my life. I was unable to work, enjoy any leisure activities, be a proper mother to my children, decent wife or true friend. My physical, emotional and mental health were very poor.
When I sponsor new girls I ask them to do some writing for their first step. I have them list all the ways in which they are powerless and their lives are unmanageable. Their lists often look like the one I had at the BEGINNING - very long.
AND THEN - the miracle of the twelve steps and living the Alcoholics Anonymous program happened. As I worked the steps and got healthier, I felt that I was regaining control. I DIDN'T FEEL AS POWERLESS AS I HAD AT FIRST. I became employable and got a job in which I advanced. I became a real mother to my children and I was able to enjoy the pleasures of life like friendships and happy activities. My physical health returned and eventually I achieved emotional and mental stability. One thing has never changed. I have continued to respect the power of alcohol.
Which brings me to 25 years later. Today I recognize that I have no control. I am still as POWERLESS OVER "EVERYTHING" at the END of this time period as I was at the beginning.
HOWEVER - there is one very big difference - TODAY I know I can lean on God to give me the power I lack. I have learned I am powerless over people, places and things, but I do have the power of choice and I can choose to ask God to help me. I can choose how I will respond to any person, place or thing.
SO - at the END I find myself in the same place as at the BEGINNING - POWERLESS - AND THAT IS O.K. Today I have that spiritual connection I need to live a life surrendered to the Will of God.
Beginning of the end by firstname.lastname@example.org
Beginning Of The End by ZachsAnomaly@deviantart.com)