Thursday, August 5, 2010

Thursday 8/5/10 - "AT THE BEGINNING AND THE END"




"AT THE BEGINNING AND THE END"



On July 5, 1985, I passed out as I took my very last drink of alcohol. When I woke up on July 6 I finally surrendered totally to the fact that I was powerless over alcohol and it was the BEGINNING of sobriety for me. At that time, I knew I was "POWERLESS OVER "EVERYTHING" in my life. I was unable to work, enjoy any leisure activities, be a proper mother to my children, decent wife or true friend. My physical, emotional and mental health were very poor.

When I sponsor new girls I ask them to do some writing for their first step. I have them list all the ways in which they are powerless and their lives are unmanageable. Their lists often look like the one I had at the BEGINNING - very long.

AND THEN - the miracle of the twelve steps and living the Alcoholics Anonymous program happened. As I worked the steps and got healthier, I felt that I was regaining control. I DIDN'T FEEL AS POWERLESS AS I HAD AT FIRST. I became employable and got a job in which I advanced. I became a real mother to my children and I was able to enjoy the pleasures of life like friendships and happy activities. My physical health returned and eventually I achieved emotional and mental stability. One thing has never changed. I have continued to respect the power of alcohol.

Which brings me to 25 years later. Today I recognize that I have no control. I am still as POWERLESS OVER "EVERYTHING" at the END of this time period as I was at the beginning.

HOWEVER - there is one very big difference - TODAY I know I can lean on God to give me the power I lack. I have learned I am powerless over people, places and things, but I do have the power of choice and I can choose to ask God to help me. I can choose how I will respond to any person, place or thing.

SO - at the END I find myself in the same place as at the BEGINNING - POWERLESS - AND THAT IS O.K. Today I have that spiritual connection I need to live a life surrendered to the Will of God.





Prayer Girl
(Photo credits:
Beginning of the end by freelancah@deviantart.com
Beginning Of The End by ZachsAnomaly@deviantart.com)

10 comments:

Brian Miller said...

same place, different perpective...and a few diffrent habits in how you deal with it...i can agree in many ways withthe journey i have made through this life...

you had me chuckling last night at your comment...

Syd said...

Understanding powerlessness is something that comes hard at first. But those first 3 steps are the key to my serenity.

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

Beautiful perspective.

I love the bottom photo too! It looks like an eclipse that the light is bursting from :)

I really enjoy and appreciate your perspectives, I consider it a blessing to be connected to you in this sphere and in the fellowship!

Thank you Anna!

Much Love!

Mama Zen said...

This can be such a hard place to get to.

Wanda's Wings said...

There are so many things we are powerless over, but I am thankful we have someone to lean on.

G-Man said...

Im just LOVE your appreciation of life.
You are always one of my favorite visits...Thanks for your daily Inspiration...Galen

steveroni said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
sheri said...

oh yeah, this was so good, prayer girl! if we were honest with ourselves we could admit we were powerless...but what makes it full of hope is that there is One who is willing to take the controls...and He does such a great job!

marie said...

I agree with everything you said. Thank you for the well written reminder.

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