Sunday, September 6, 2009


("Alcoholics Anonymous", p. 84 - 7th 9th step promise)

There is total relief in not having to be concerned with "ME" all the time - my wants, my thoughts, my plans, my dreams, my goals, my... me, me, me, my, my, my!!!

"Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way. If his arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as he wished, the show would be great. Everybody, including himself, would be pleased.....What usually happens? The show doesn't come off very well."
("Alcoholics Anonymous", p. 60-61)

When I read these words, I saw me in them. I could see myself forever trying to direct the show to meet my ideas and expectations and then watch the arrangements never working out. It was as hopeless as the merry-go-round of alcoholism I was on. The steps of Alcoholics Anonymous allowed me to step off the carousel of alcoholism and allowed me to give up the need to direct. I handed all direction over to God.

My alcoholism had brought me to a point where I was willing to go to any lengths to relieve the confusion, pain, and spiritual bankruptcy of my disease. I became willing to look honestly at myself - the good, the bad, and the in-between. The result was freedom from myself, from my self-seeking. It was replaced with a desire to think about and help others. The more I gave away what I found in AA, the more I received back - one of those beautiful paradoxes of our program.

Self-seeking has slipped away - replaced by an interest in my fellows. What a beautiful promise fulfilled!

I want to thank A. Miles at TSR (The Second Road) for asking me to host the Sunday night chat. I had a wonderful time. God was there. Our topic was journeys our recovery has led us on and I could have talked in the chat room all night. :)

Prayer Girl


Steve E. said...

Self Seeking? What's that? Does it mean I lost myself?

Am I still looking for the "real ME"?

Well, the real me, is just "plain old me".

And I seek myself not nearly so much as before. Before WHAT, You say?

Before BEFORE!

King of New York Hacks said...

So much said in just a few lines..great post. So very true.

Kay said...

reminds me of daily existence at work, constantly striving for perfection, lecturing, showing, teaching, only to find out daily, my breath has been wasted, as all will not be perfect and all will do as they please eventually anyway...sigh....

Wanda's Wings said...

Wow,what an eye open post. Real food for thought. Thanks for sharing.

Just Be Real said...

Self seeking is truly hard to break away from. As you stated, a lot of the time we are: me, me, me, me generation.

Glad you are able to replace the self-seeking with a more positive goal!

Blessings dear one!

Paula said...

I am happy the chat went well. I was very curious about your chat but to be honest the time difference prevented it. At 3am I am no good. Thanks so muhc for the self seeking topic I do have my struggles still.
Have a great day. Paula

Shadow said...

you know where i found huge relief? knowing i don't HAVE to run the show, don't HAVE to control anymore. that it's OKAY to just be and go with the flow...

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

Thanks for acceptance and the shared spirit of Steve-a-roni! I cannot tell you what a blessing he has been to our motley crew up here in Charleston. I truly felt as though it was me who was entertaining an angel.

My recovery and my life are the better for being allowed to share time with Steve and continuing to have you and Steve and all the rest of the bloggers each day!

I cannot fully express the gratitude and Love that I feel in my heart!

Lou said...

The more we give, go outside ourselves, the more we receive. Thanks God the world works this way.

Hope said...

I have those lines highlighted in my BB. I need to read them often.
I pray regularly to be of service to others. Before sobriety I rarely gave others a second thought (other than trying to get them to do what I wanted) because I was so wrapped up in me.