"A PRAYER FROM PRAYER GIRL"
Dear God, I need your help right now. We need to talk. I'm sitting here in my comfy computer chair and there is a chair next to and facing me. You're there.
I know you already know everything that happened today - all the details of the lives of the people I met and spoke with and how I tried to help.
I spoke with three people today. They were each in varying states of confusion. They were experiencing frustration, anxiety, anger, self-loathing, and depression. Each one of these people is in recovery, serious about their recovery and doing everything suggested to them. They are just trying to understand, trying to get better.
One is desperately trying to learn how to set boundaries with others. Another is trying to see the truth about the nature of her relationships with others. The third person is struggling with feelings of inferiority and guilt. She has had some surgery and is particularly vulnerable at this time. She wants to protect her sobriety.
I shared my experience, strength, and hope with each of them as best I knew how. I remember how long it took for my own confusions to lift. I also remember how deeply I wanted things to become clear quicker than was possible. I tried to convey this to these three people. I tried to impart "hope" to them. I really need your help doing this. I have faith that with your help I can help them. I'm praying You will bring peace to their confused minds.
I remember an experience I had once in my first year of sobriety. I was so very confused myself and had such wild mood swings. I was having a really difficult time coping with life in general. I was in the throes of a divorce, had a new job, had two children to care for, went to lots of meetings, was struggling with a crippling depression, and was seeing a counselor. Things were not easy, but my primary goal was to stay sober "no matter what".
It's been too long ago for me to remember the exact nature of what had me so upset and confused one night and I think I didn't actually know then what was bothering me, but I was running in a rat race circle in my mind and was beside myself with anxiety. I was on my way with my small daughter to meet with my girl friends and their small children at McDonald's. That's all we could afford at that time and we would talk while the children played in the play area.
I felt desperate for some kind of relief (not the drinking kind) and on the way to meet them, the idea came into my mind to pray to God to help me when I got in bed that night. That thought was so powerful at that moment that I couldn't wait for the evening to be over, to get home, get my daughter into bed, and hit my bed to pray. (This happened 23 years ago and I still remember how powerful the experience was.)
I remember begging God to relieve me of my confusion and mental anguish. I also remember telling God that I didn't even know how to pray because I didn't really know what was wrong. I was just so totally confused. I also remember saying that I trusted and knew that God knew what was wrong with me even if I didn't and that I believed He could and would relieve me. I fell into a deep sleep and "swear to God", the next morning when I awoke, the confusion was gone. Completely erased. I consider this yet another miracle.
So.....I am asking God to relieve these three people I was trying to help of their mental confusion. Each of them is no more sure of what is really bothering them than I was all those years ago. I trust God can ease their suffering and I am thanking you God for doing just that.
(Photo credit: Stephanie Dietz)