Tuesday, October 21, 2008



Used to be I thought that surely God had "bigger fish to fry" than being concerned about me - my wants or needs. I was "just" a teeny tiny tadpole in the giant ocean of the universe - of insignificance at best and totally rejected at worst.

Perhaps this idea came from my personal view of myself - that I was unimportant, of little value, ugly (pigeon-toed, snaggle-toothed, too many physical flaws to name them all - at least in my own eyes), unlikeable, spiteful, unkind - you get this picture - a total screw-up!

Well, I don't believe God ever intended for me to have that idea of myself. My self-perceptions formed in the family I was raised in were faulty and further warped by alcohol.

God created me out of total love and loves me just as I am. I came to believe this as I worked the AA and Alanon steps and traveled the sober road to a future worth living.

In many AA rooms there are plaques saying, "YOU ARE NOT ALONE". I discovered that AA members were interested in me - a "smallfry". Upon arrival at AA, I felt I was less than nothing, yet all the people at my first meeting turned their loving attention towards me. Wow! I wasn't aware of it at that moment, but it really impressed me. That's what I needed - to feel like something bigger than a piece of S---.

I watch this repeated over and over as newcomers enter the rooms. It is a wonderful sight to watch people crawl into AA and Alanon, find sponsors, work the steps, become active participants in recovery, and undergo a transformation.

Thank God that God has no "bigger fish to fry", cares about all us little fish, and puts people in our path to guide us in recovery.


Anonymous said...


Akannie said...

In my first year, a woman gave me a small, framed needlepoint that said just this:

"God don't make no junk."

It helped me tremendously.

Thanks for all your words and for sharing your spirit with us.

AlkySeltzer said...

I'm glad you're blogging, at least we get to talk once a day. (That's a lie, folks!)

I appreciate this post because it helps me to stay aware of what beginners are feeling, and what they might be thinking.

Thank you,
My Little Tadpole.

Shadow said...

i believe you've got it spot-on here. thanks for the reminder!

~Tyra~ said...

I am just now starting to see that I do matter and that God does want to be involved in my life.

Lou said...

You speak truthfully & eloquently.

Now that guy that speaks with the forked tongue..uhh..alky..uhh..
alky selz..uhh..you know who.

Gabriella Moonlight said...

Thank you for this post. It reminds me that we're all tadpoles that bloom in to beautiful fish and pisces like me love that idea!!!
Thank you,

Pam said...

I love how the chair always feels comfy in an AA meeting. I still love the feeling of "fitting in".

Cat said...

Thank god for the program as well! Cat

Zanejabbers said...

I love the power of my Higher Power. He has put such jewels in my life.