Sunday, 2/8/09 - "THE OLD DAYS"

"THE OLD DAYS"

I took a little trip down memory lane today at my noon women's meeting.

During the meeting, someone shared "When God closes a door, He opens a window." I remember hearing this years ago as "When God closes one door, He always opens another." Then someone else shared in the same vein, "When God closes a door, He opens a window, but it sure is Hell in the hallway."

My thought was, "When God closes a door, He opens a Universe."

There were more than a few long-timers in the room today who shared a lot of the simple and very effective thoughts I heard as a newcomer. It is always great to be reminded of the "olden days", bring those ideas forward into the present, refresh them in my own mind, and get them into the heads of the newcomer. Some of these I still hear often enough, some rarely, and some not at all.

Here are a few of my favorites:

• Don't drink and go to meetings.

• If your life is unmanageable, maybe you need a new manager.

• Newcomer: I don't understand the 1st step, What' it about? Answer: Shut up and get in the car, we're going to a meeting.

• There are only two times you should go to a meeting 1. When you want to go to one and 2. When you don't want to go.

• Where my mind goes, my feet will follow so watch out where your mind goes.

• Religion is for people scared of going to Hell! Spirituality is for people who have been there!

• The problem with life is it's so daily.

• Everything will be O.K., will work out in the end, and if it's not O.K., then it's not at the end.

• You can't afford the luxury of a negative thought.

• People can't give what they don't have.

• I am powerless over alcohol no matter who is drinking.

• Even if your a-- is falling off, pick it up and carry it to a meeting.

• God is the answer. What's the question?

• I am a spiritual being having a human experience.

Prayer Girl

Saturday, 2/7/09 - "SOUL AS DUST"

"SOUL AS DUST"

SOUL AS DUST
My soul is dry, it's dust, deserted
Like bones pulverized by pestle, mortar
Sifting, shifting, slowly drifting
Out the pores - the doors of who I am

Wasting away - fading fast
Vibrancy of youth laid flat
What has happened?
What disease destroys?

Time has had its way with
Stolen minutes of the mind
Theft of bouncing merry step
Banished beauty of the blush

Away to a remotest spot
To spin, then stop, to sort, to spare
Further loss, need for repair
Haste! Halt! Help! Hush! Hope!

Prayer Girl

Friday, 2/6/09 - TRIBUTE TO "A-RONI"

(Mr. a-roni-a-roni)

(Bolognaroni)

(Macaroni)

A TRIBUTE TO "A-RONI"

My taste buds take off their hats to:

Macaroni

Cannelloni

Rigatoni

Pepperoni

and even

Baloney

But "I" take off my hat to pay tribute to my Mr. a-roni.

To his church family he is:

Mr. Violin-a-roni bringing music to uplift the spirit.

Mr. Greet-a-roni to give a warm smile and warmer words.

To his AA family he is:

Mr. Welcom-a-roni holding out his hand to newcomers, old-timers and all between.

Mr. Truth-a-roni who tells it like it is NMW (no matter what).

Mr. Experience-a-roni who shares his 34 years of experience freely.

To his blog family he is:

Mr. Steveroni.

Mr. Humor-roni.

Mr. Advice-a-roni who gives the best and most honest advice he can.

Mr. Personal-a-roni who gets 'up close and personal' with encouragement and support.

Mr. Blog-a-roni who loves and immerses himself in the blog world.

Mr. Inspiration-a-roni who is on fire with ideas.

And all kinds of other "a-ronis" as assigned by his fellow bloggers.

To his wife he is:

Mr. Heart of my Heart-a-roni.

Mr. Love of my Life-a-roni.

Mr. Soul Mate-a-roni.

Mr. Irreplaceable-a-roni

To his God he is:

Mr. Use-me-roni any time.

Mr. Channel-a-roni of God's peace and love.

HATS OFF TO THE "A-RONI"

Prayer Girl

Thursday, 2/5/09 - "LIVING IN A FANTASY WORLD"

(Living in a fantasy world wherever I could find one!)

"LIVING IN A FANTASY WORLD"

Dear Readers,

"The real test of a man is not how well he plays the role he has invented for himself, but how well he plays the role that destiny assigned to him." - Jan Patocka

When I was young, I lived in many fantasy worlds that filled me with joy, happiness, excitement, filled up the places inside me that were empty and frightening.

I had two girlfriends who were sisters - Jane, my age, and Peggy, the younger sister. The three of us spent countless days, hours, and minutes living in worlds that were other than reality. I really don't know how common this is. Perhaps it is very normal for young children, but I took it to the extreme and carried this practice into my adult life. At that point, it failed me entirely.

We would play records of musicals and dance, sing, and act them out. This was one of our most favorite pastimes. We repeated it over and over in their living room. I loved being in their home. There was something about it that lured me to it.

We also created "other" homes wherever we could find them, and lived out nonexistent lives of imaginary people. We had houses in trees, in abandoned houses (very dangerous now that I look back on it), in garages behind other peoples houses, anywhere we could find one. There was actually (believe it or not) an abandoned mansion called Blair Mansion in Silver Spring, Maryland. That was the bonanza of a fantasy land. It was a true mansion with huge grounds including arbors and gazebos. It was multi-storied with many rooms, many still containing dishes, old letters, odds and ends. These made for fabulous inventions in our young minds.

These sisters lived in a very large home. The girls' bedroom had a huge walk in closet that actually had a window in it. This made for an absolutely perfect alternate reality setting.

I was and wasn't a "Tom Girl". I could play cowboy and cowgirl with the best of the little boys in the neighborhood. I had my cowgirl outfit, bike with saddlebags and pretend rifle attached. At the same time, I had an entire "other life" going on under the dressing table in my bedroom. The dressing table had an area underneath it that was hidden from view by curtain material that could be opened by pulling back two movable arms of wood. When opened, there was a doll's home of my creation underneath. There was a doll bed, other furniture and a life teeming with activity beneath that piece of furniture in the privacy of my room.

I played these invented roles constantly and well. But the fact that when I moved from childhood into adulthood and did not leave them behind caused me much pain and confusion. I had no grasp whatsoever on "reality". I believe that these fantasy lives helped me cope with a world of emotions and thoughts that were too painful to acknowledge.

As an adult, with college life, the work world, marriage, and children, these worlds of illusion lost their ability to work for me and I was left with the realness of life that was far too painful. I just could not function.

ENTER - CENTER STAGE - ALCOHOL

Alcohol allowed me to escape in a more adult way. No more dolls, no more forts hidden under gigantic pine trees, and no more living a life of plays, T.V. shows or musicals. I had outgrown these childish ways, but was left with an adult life that I had no idea how to manage. Alcohol made it all go away. I didn't care, it masked the pain and confusion (for a while).

BUT THEN - it nearly destroyed me.

It seems that God had actually assigned me a role that was real and not make-believe. He reached down before I could completely annihilate myself, plucked me up out of my alcoholism, set me on the path of the 12 steps, and has gently moved me into the destiny He has assigned me.

What is my assigned role? I can only describe parts of it that have been revealed to me.

So far, I know that my role (God's will for me) is to:

Stay sober, help other alcoholics, and practice the principles of the program in all my affairs.

Be open and ready to freely give of the healing touch God has so lovingly given me.

Write poems, blog, express myself by the written word no matter how I may judge them myself and wish to stick my thoughts into a hidden recess of my desk.

Share my experience, strength, and hope with others.

THANK GOD I HAVE FOUND A REALITY THAT IS FAR MORE SATISFYING THAN ALL MY FANTASY LIVES.

Sincerely,
Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: Water & Ice By Triphammer)

Wednesday, 2/4/09 - "YOU"

"YOU"

You -

Touch of light, something close
Shot past and grazed my life
I felt the breeze strafe by
Apart yet near beside

Wound - wide - opened
Tumbled in the light
The air around was charged
Electric elusive flight

Healed a scar quite tight and taut
Trapped in a glint of sun
Sealed a waft of wind
To shine and soar within

Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: Interstellar Overdrive - Space Dot Com - Image of the Day)

Tuesday, 2/3/09 - "GOD IN SKIN"

"GOD IN SKIN"

There are many times when God directs me through His gentle and sometimes more vigorous pushing or nudging in my mind and spirit.

He also speaks to me in the sound of the whispering wind or lap of the surf against the shore.

I feel His presence in the breeze blowing through my hair and across my body.

I smell His nearness in the fragrance of the gardenia bush and wild honeysuckle.

I see Him in the glorious sunrise and the blazing sunset.

But very often I NEED "GOD IN SKIN". It is skin that holds the pen that writes the words of comfort or instruction that brings peace and knowledge. It was Bill W's skin that grasped the instrument and penned the Big Book - "Alcoholics Anonymous" with the instructions for alcoholics to save their lives.

It is skin that touches the keyboard and produces the blogs we write, read, and comment on in support of each other.

It is skin that grasps the paintbrush, crayon, pencil or knife to paint or sculpt a work of art.

It is skin that holds a violin to play a beautiful Bach or Handel composition.

It is skin that holds a hand or is placed on a worried or fevered brow and delivers that healing power of touch.

We are "God in skin" for each other.

Thank God we cooperate.

(Photo credit: Daddy and Me by Ashley St. Germain)

Monday, 2/2/09 - "DEAR GOD"

"DEAR GOD"

Dear God, This prayer is being offered for all those who find themselves in difficult circumstances.

There are those in deep despair - depression dogging their every endeavor, pulling them down to depths to which they never dreamed of descending and finding they are unable to prevent the descent.

There are those also who are in that "darkest before the dawn" place in their minds - in confusing mental torment like a ping pong bouncing back and forth between opposite thoughts and feelings - good/bad, love/hate, anger/forgiveness, hopeless/hopeful.

There are those feeling "less than", inadequate, isolated, cut off from the sunlight of Your spirit. You know that I and my fellow recovering friends have been in all these places - "Been there, done that." You know that from time to time the ghosts of these places try to come back to haunt the house of the soul and mind.

For all of us I pray.
Dear God, reach your hand out and lift us up. Hold us in the palm of your hand as we move through any dark times. Give us hope, trust, faith, and patience to live one day at a time until we return to that place where we once again find ourselves in the warmth of Your spirit.

Place your hands, that source of all power, around those who find themselves weak, powerless. Guide us with the 12 steps you lovingly gave us to lead the way. May we reach out and be "God in skin" to each other. Remind us always that it is only by giving away what You have so freely given us, that we will keep and multiply those blessings.

Thank you God for all Your blessings and for answered prayers,
Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: Praying Hands by Debe Maxwell)