Wednesday, 12/31 - "I BELIEVE"

"I BELIEVE"

I BELIEVE - the lyrics:
I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows
I believe somewhere in the darkest night, a candle glows
I believe for everyone who goes astray, someone will come to show the way
I believe, I believe.
I believe above the storm the smallest pray'r will still be heard.
I believe that someone in the great somewhere hears every word.
Every time I hear a newborn baby cry, or touch a leaf or see the sky,
Then I know why I believe.

I (Prayer Girl) BELIEVE:
I believe that miracles happen every day.
I believe that "it's not about me".
I believe that God has His purposes in "all" that happens.
I believe that God's power and love are limitless.
I believe that God has a purpose for my life and your life.
I believe that hopeless alcoholics get sober.
I believe that God loves drunk and sober alcoholics.
I believe that people can change with the help of God.
I believe God does for us what we cannot do for ourselves.
I believe that faith and trust in God pays huge dividends.
I believe in the power of prayer.
I believe that "Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake."
(p. 449 Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous)
I believe that the smallest grain of hope produces results.
I believe that "deep down in every man, woman, and child, is the fundamental idea of God."(p. 55 Alcoholics Anonymous)
I believe it is true that - "We found the Great Reality deep down within us. In the last analysis it is only there that He may be found." (p. 55 Alcoholics Anonymous)
I believe that life is for learning and life is worth living.
I believe in the healing power of love.

Prayers and Blessings for the New Year,
Prayer Girl

Sunday, 12/28/08 - "MY MIND"

"MY MIND"

From Christmas to Today
Mind goes "bong", "bong"
- - Back and Forth
- - From This to That
- - From Here to There

This means:
It's all about me
- - Nothing is about me

Give me isolation to the extreme (stay at home, watch T.V., read, sleep, T.V., read, sleep)
- - Give me friends to love, talk to, enjoy time with, be with, comfort, be comforted by

Give me simplicity to the max, life in black and white
- - Give me life in technicolor

Retirement from blogging
- - Coming out of retirement

Inside a mind can be a
dangerous place to spend time!

MY MIND
I step as if outside myself
Staring in to see
The many simple landmarks
Known specially to me

But before me stretches long and steep
A passage of debris
A cluttered, junk-filled corridor
Items tossed disorderly

A faint glow penetrates the waste
Spreads slowly to the fore
Then with a sudden gale storm force
The light sweeps clear the way

And the passageway's left filled and bright
The wasteland's disappeared
The tunnel way my oft-trod route again
A known and trusted way

--Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: Shut me up by Subtle Emotions Club)

Thursday, 12/25 - Shhhhh! Hushshsh! (whisper) It's Coming!

"CHRISTMAS EVE AND
CHRISTMAS DAY BLESSINGS"

"'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugarplums danced in their heads."
- Clement Clarke Moore

Shhhhh! Hushshsh! Shhhhh! Hushshsh!

whisper
Mystery is coming
Love is coming
Hope is coming
Joy is coming
Peace is coming
Radiance is coming
Wonder is coming
Abundance is coming
Recovery is coming
Christ...mas is coming

My present to all of you:

FRIENDS LIKE SISTERS
Way up on a heavenly shelf tucked away
Is a book that is golden with sparkling ray

This book has no words to transmit or convey
The bond God has placed round us friends on life's way

This book that God lovingly holds in his care
Is titled by Him "The Lives Sisters Share"

As the book binder lovingly binds all his pages
Just so has God bound us for all of the ages

Each page holds a life that's uniquely its own
Yet bound smoothly together - a radiant tome

God melds them together with infinite love
A shared lifetime of friendship - His gift from above

Each friend is a blessing - each sister a gift
Brought perfectly together so none are adrift

Thank God for this masterpiece crafted as one
Friends forever together till this life is done

--Prayer Girl

Wednesday 12/24 - "THE FACE OF FEAR"

(YIKES!)

"THE FACE OF FEAR"

"For the most part, fear is nothing but an illusion. When you share it with someone else, it tends to disappear." - Marilyn C. Barrick

This quote reminds me of what we hear in our Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, "A problem shared is a problem cut in half." So in this case, it would be, "A fear shared is a fear cut in half."

My first, middle, and last names used to be "FEAR". When I arrived at the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous, I was filled with so much fear that I was frozen - unable to take any action to help myself. I was not able to speak my fear because first of all, I was out of touch with my feelings and didn't recognize the fear. Second, I had spent a lifetime to that point hiding my feelings from myself and from you.

The process of facing and ridding myself of those overwhelming fears has been so liberating. Discovering my character defects and asking God to relieve me of them has gone a long way to reduce my fears.

My fears are often a product of:

* My perfectionism - fearing I will not do or say something perfectly and you will, as a result, reject me or find me to be less than.....

* My tendency to make mountains out of molehills. I have what is described in one of the stories in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, a "magic, magnifying mind". I have a tendency to magnify things right into the place of fear.

* Projection - projecting all kinds of outcomes with no way of knowing what will actually transpire in the future. This kind of fear robs me of the present.

* People pleasing - Fear that if I don't please you, you will reject me and influence others against me as well.

My fears have been cut dramatically by taking the 12 steps and in particular, steps 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9. Thank God I am no longer ruled by my fears. God is my guide.

A beautiful Christmas gift - FREEDOM FROM FEAR!

Tuesday, 12/23 - "PARTING"

"PARTING"

PARTING
Close friends of mine
Passed on the tide
Like shells being swept aside
Glinting with a green bright glow

Same close-felt friends
Carried on current wide
Brushed softly by my side
Leaving seeds of green to bind

And we flowed on - apart
As divergent waters wide
Floating afar each others' paths
Separate tides still left to ride

But the verdant pieces
Left clinging - grow
Surrounding, rounding, bounding
Affixed forever as I flow
Prayer Girl

Monday 12/22 - "DIVINE ATTENTION"

"DIVINE ATTENTION"

"The worst sin toward our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them; that's the essence of inhumanity."
-George Bernard Shaw

In my opinion, the opposite of this idea - the greatest good we can do our fellows is to pay them "divine attention" - must be what lies behind the reason why people will respond to even the smallest gestures of love, caring, sympathy, empathy, compassion, concern. A smile can light up the face of another person where none had been there before. Just a simple note with the words, "I love you" written on it can warm a heart. A call to say a simple "thank you" lifts the spirit.

There is an episode from my past that speaks to the soul sickness of indifference. When I was in high school, my best friend got married. I, in my infinite wisdom and knowledge, told her all about why she should not marry this man. She was too young. He wasn't the right guy for her, etc. etc.

She lived in a home with a step-mother who was the proverbial "wicked witch" - and she really was. My girlfriend was always on restriction and was constantly being emotionally and mentally abused by this woman. She was escaping an intolerable situation and I, her "best friend" was non-supportive, to say the least.

In the end she did marry him and DID NOT invite me, "HER BEST FRIEND", to the wedding. I burned with resentment I would not acknowledge for 25 years. That resentment took the form of erasing her from my mind as if she had never existed. TOTAL AND COMPLETE INDIFFERENCE! In retrospect, I know this did not really work. I was just kidding myself. She never was erased from my mind like I intended. She hung around in my psyche causing dis-ease, guilt and remorse for many years.

In recovery I have had to see the truth of why I was not invited. I bad mouthed her boyfriend so, of course, they didn't want me there. Duh!

25 years later I finally contacted her. I found out this man had died suddenly many years before of a heart attack caused by a congenital defect. I then learned that her teenage son died suddenly in the same manner years later. I regret my years of indifference. How inhumane. But God can right any wrong and heals relationships when we truly seek His assistance.

There needs to be "no room at the inn of indifference" in my life. Each person I come in contact with is a divine spark from the God whose flame created all of us and each deserves my attention. This is sometimes easy and sometimes difficult. I ask God for the power to carry out His will, and forgiveness when I fall short of the goal.

Love you,
Prayer Girl

Photo credit: Tressie Davis

Sunday 12/21 - CHRISTMAS SPIRIT!

"CHRISTMAS SPIRIT!"

Thanks to Jess for sharing the Christmas Spirit Award with me. I am so grateful for those who share so willingly of their experience, strength, and hope.

The award is a sharing award so I will do as others before me have and pay it forward along with sharing my experience with it.

Sharing the spirit of the award:
* the person you give the award to must also be in love with Christmas
* link back to the person who gave you the award
* list 5 things you love about Christmas. If you can't limit it to 5, then continue till you run out of space
* pass the award along to as many people as you like - that can be 1 or 50 to keep the Christmas cheer going
* let your recipients know that you have tagged them by leaving them a comment

I'm not too good at following directions so I'll just list my 5 things. Anyone who has not already been tagged, may consider themselves tagged. I love you all.

1. I love Christmas because it means it is time to attend "The Living Christmas Tree" production put on by The First Baptist Church. For me, this event tends to usher in the season for me - that's when I "get in the spirit". I have been attending for 20 years. It is always fabulous.
2. I love wrapped packages under the tree. I love the way they look. It conjures up memories of Christmases past. I remember all the times my parents would arrive at our house to be with us for Christmas and unload so many packages from the trunk of their car that it would make my head swim. We would bring them into the house in several relays and there would be packages everywhere in layer upon layer around our tree. The children would be beside themselves with anticipation.
   
3. I love Christmas for what it represents - the birth of Christ - my higher power. It is another reminder of the power that relieved my alcoholism, the author of all my life experiences - supernatural and natural, and the giver of all spiritual gifts.
4. I love Christmas music - The Messiah including the beautiful Alleluia Chorus, all the old familiar Christmas Carols, and even one I heard today called, "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas". (I'm not kidding.)
5. If I were to describe how Christmas feels, I would say, it feels warm, protecting, nostalgic, peaceful, happy, joyful, exciting, and hopeful. These feelings are a large part of why I love Christmas.

Merry Christmas,
Happy Holidays
to all of my blog friends.

Prayer Girl