Friday, January 16, 2009

Saturday, 1/17/09 - "THE PLANE"



every Friday, compose a short story of 55 words - no more, no less. if you want to join in the fun and games and give it a try...post your story and report to the boss G-Man!



"THE PLANE"

Metal screaming, screeching, twisting, turning, all around me, surrounding me. The lap belt snug and tight.

There is total silence, a hush. Are others alive? Am I alive?


I wiggle my toes, fingers, hands, feet - they're all as they should be.


I stand up without unbuckling, slowly drifting through the solid metal of the airplane.

By Prayer Girl


NOTE: To clarify the above 55 words - they describe a dream I had of my own death.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Friday 1/16/09 - "I REMEMBER WHEN"

I remember when I used to stand in the snow as silent flakes fell softly to surround me.

"I REMEMBER WHEN"

It's so easy to recall the negatives of the past, but I'm choosing to "remember whens" that are positive, healing, and fill my soul with a feeling of warmth and love.

"I remember when" I used to stand in the snow as silent flakes fell softly to surround me. It would be early morning, waking up, seeing the falling snow creating a fresh cover over everything. I would be bundled up by my mother into my snow pants, jacket, gloves, earmuffs, and hat. I would step outside into that wonderful world of white, all alone as the flakes fell around me. I would wander through this magical downfall to the corner house at the end of the block where there was a gigantic evergreen in the yard. I would crawl underneath the snow-laden boughs into a secret place of my very own - a quiet hiding place in a quiet world of snow.


"I remember when" I was as flexible as a human pretzel. That's the way my dance teacher described me. I loved dance all the years of my childhood. I loved my teacher, Mary Lou, a wonderful teacher, warm and loving person, and terrific role model. She took such an interest in all of her students and I felt that special attention she placed on me. She had been a Radio City Music Hall Rockette. That was a dream of mine for years to be a Rockette like her, but it never materialized.

"I remember when" we had ink wells in grade school and when our Parker ink pens went dry, we would go to the inkwell to fill them. In a daring move, I and my friends would often use that opportunity to exchange forbidden communications. We would slip tightly folded notes under the blotter the ink well rested on. We were never caught though I'm sure the teacher had to know this was happening.

"I remember when" I "won" my first puppy. Never had a small child ever felt so big, so special. I was with my family at my father's annual company picnic. This was 1950. There were lots of people there, plenty of them children and they had a drawing for an adorable little black and white Cocker mix puppy. I fell in love with that little fluffy dog the first time I saw her and when my name was drawn and read, I almost died with delight. Years later I found out it had been prearranged with and approved by my parents for me to win. That did not diminish my happiness in the least. What a wonderful surprise gift my parents gave me. What a loving act.


"I remember when" I was not yet "Prayer Girl".
And now I can "remember that" I am.....Prayer Girl.

(Photo Credit: Catching Snow Flakes by Nicholas Fresch)

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Thursday, 1/15/09 - "AFFIRMATIONS EXPANDED"

When a BIG dog four times my size surrounds me,
I use affirmations to dispel the fear.


"AFFIRMATIONS EXPANDED"

Affirmations are powerful.
I want more. Here are more.


  • God has me firmly surrounded by His loving power.
  • God dispels my fears.
  • God protects me from all anxiety.
  • God lifts me up onto a clear, fresh, and sunshiny plane.
  • I continue till the miracles happen.
  • All is well.
  • Wonderful things are happening.
  • I never limit God.
  • I rest in God's presence.
  • I pray, I wait, God's plans unfold.
  • I am filled with laughter.
  • I hear God in the wind.
  • I smell God in the fresh rain that falls.
  • I see God in the flowers, trees, animals, all of nature.
  • I see God in you and in me.
  • My life is unfolding with perfect timing.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Wednesday 1/14/09 - "THE PACT"

"THE PACT"
(This one is a little on the weird side, but I take them as they come. This poem is a beautiful love story in eternity.)

THE PACT

They were sealed as one

In the pact they'd spun

By a silver wire they bent

A twist in figure eight

'Bout their wrist-crossed fate

The glint of thread tight circled the twain

Pale hand to hand - pulsing vein to vein

In an instant flash they jerked apart

But their flesh gave way before their heart

And a life line opened within the part


Their eyes locked tight as the life ebbed fore

Yet never a drop touched to the floor

Their sweet lives mingled each one to one

And they lay to rest their bodies poor

Never to part - ever more

Prayer Girl


(Photo Credit: (NGC 1569: Starburst in a Dwarf Irregular Galaxy
Credit: NASA, ESA, Hubble Heritage (STScI/AURA); Acknowledgement: A. AloisiSTScI/ESA) et al.
)

Monday, January 12, 2009

Tuesday, 1/13/09 - NEEDED: COOPERATION, NOT HELP


"NEEDED: COOPERATION,
NOT HELP"

(God doesn't need my help, but He does want my cooperation)

Nothing is more thrilling, exhilarating, or motivating than communication with God. I'm not talking about verbal, sitting down over a cup of coffee kind of speaking, but the kind where events transpire one after another and lead to a specific outcome that "seems" directed by God.

In these moments, there is sometimes a sense of being compelled to a certain action or goal or just saying something without thinking first. This sense I attribute to the pushing of my Higher Power, God. These moments have occurred periodically throughout my life. I have not always known these events were of God, but today I do know.

I have shared one such experience in a past blog and recently described the "healing touch". A few other instances of these spiritual moments follow.

Gospodi Pomiluj talks about "Centering Prayer" (Tuesday 1/6/09). She speaks of a word coming to her that she uses to stay focused. When I was in my 20s a number came to me. I was working in a research hospital and one day a number repeated itself three times in a short period of time during a morning and afternoon. The cost of an item I had to buy at the hospital supply store was $1.41. Later in the cafeteria, the cost of what I purchased to eat was $1.41. I noticed this repetition for some reason. I went to the office and mentioned this coincidence to the secretary. I then asked her to order something for me that had to come from outside the hospital. As I left the office, she called me back to tell me the price of what I wanted her to order was $1.41 per unit. WOW! It hit me in a very strong way. I "knew" it was a number intended for me. At the time, I didn't know how, from whom, or why that number came. Over all the intervening years whenever I see this number (and sometimes it is quite often) I say,
"Hello, God".

At age 35, I found myself again connected in a special way with something bigger than myself. At that time I did not understand what was happening, but today I believe it was God.
I was working in a nursing home and had been there two years. There was a dreaded State inspection occurring. This was an event that involved great scrutiny of all records, procedures, documentation, every i and t needing to be dotted and crossed. There was always a high level of anxiety at these times and worry that a staff person would be "called-out" over some infraction of the rules or imperfection.

I was working in an activities and social services position at the time. Late morning of the survey day I was in the small lunchroom alone with a cup of coffee. The assistant Director of Nursing (DON), a large woman who I knew only as a fellow staffer, not personally, walked in. She was extremely upset and she told me the inspectors had found problems with the restraint records which were her responsibility. (Anytime it is necessary to restrict a patient's movement it is a very serious action requiring detailed documentation.) She was worried that she would be in terrible trouble with her bosses.

When she finished speaking, I found myself weaving a story for her. I did not think this out in advance. I just started talking.

I asked her to see herself in a room around a large conference table. I asked her to think about how she would feel if she was seated around that table with all the people involved in the survey - her bosses, peers and reviewers and she was being praised in front of them. She said it would feel great, but it wasn't happening.

Several hours later I was paged to the phone over the intercom. When I got to the phone, the Assistant DON said to me, "Are you a witch or something?". I was shocked. I said, "Of course not." I asked why she asked me that. She told me at the survey exit interview, the reviewers praised her in front of everyone for the safety plans she had written. Very strange happening. I never forgot this incident.

These episodes produce such a feeling of euphoria that if they didn't result strictly in helping others, I would flee from them as I would an alcohol or drug "high". But they aren't caused by substances - they are from God.

God bless all you bloggers.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Monday 1/12/09 - THOUGHTS ON A BOOK


"THOUGHTS ON A BOOK"

I picked up a book at the library the other day kind of like closing my eyes, pointing my finger, touching a book and choosing it to read. It is a biography by Anne Lamott called "Traveling Mercies - Some Thoughts on Faith". I had never heard of the book or the author, but it looked interesting.

On the back cover it said, "With an exuberant mix of passion, insight, and humor, Anne Lamott takes us on a journey through her often troubled past to illuminate her devout but quirky walk of faith......tells how, against all odds, she came to believe in God and then, even more miraculously, in herself."

This grabbed my attention. I could identify with having a troubled past. I could also relate to the idea of a quirky walk of faith since I had traveled many highways and byways of religious and spiritual thought. I also believe that I have miraculously survived alcoholism and my crazy mind against all odds. I believe in God and now believe in myself.

I have read about a sixth of the book so far and have found two quotes that stick in my mind.

Here is a one that struck me as totally hilarious. Maybe my sense of humor is warped - maybe not. But if I'm laughing, then it's got to be a good thing.

"At Christmas there were Fishhouse punches so alcoholic you could have sterilized needles in them..." p.27
(Rumor has it that the Fish House Punch Recipe was created in colonial times at the State Fishing and Social Club in Pennsylvania. The passage of so much time would indicate that this punch tastes better than its name suggests.)


There was another one with a very different effect on me. It describes quite well the place I found myself at the point of awaking from my last drunk and totally surrendering.

"And since this side of the grave you could never know for sure if there was a God, you had to make a leap of faith, if you could, leaping across the abyss of doubt with fear and trembling."
p.45

I was full of escalating doubt and fear as I arrived at the point of total surrender to alcohol. I took that leap of faith and went for broke. When my eyes opened from that last drunk, I made a decision to rely on God only and completely. I realized I didn't have much more to lose and I became willing. It was with trembling (the physical effects of that last episode left me shaking and sick) that I walked back into that Alcoholics Anonymous meeting that day and began my journey into sobriety.

Well, that's my blog for today.
Love and prayers,
Prayer Girl

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Sunday 1/11/09 - What's On My Heart Tonight?


"WHAT'S ON MY HEART TONIGHT?"


My husband is on my heart.
My husband is always on my heart. God worked a miracle when He managed to bring us together. I am always mindful that our relationship is God-given and God-blessed. A dear friend of mine told me something that applies whenever someone (anyone) is saying or doing something I don't like or would like to change. She said to repeat, "Bless him/her, change me." I love this thought.

My children are on my heart tonight.


My son is on my heart.
I'm 20 rows into a kitted pillow covering for my daughter-in-law-to-be. I decided on a different pattern from the one I did for my mother many years ago. I found a pattern on-line and went and bought the yarn yesterday. I have not done a project like this for a long time. I find it motivating and fulfilling to work on. I just want to please her and I know that will please my son. I pray for him and his fiance.


My daughter is on my heart.

My daughter is still unemployed. Her unemployment is weighing heavy on her heart which pulls down on mine. She is becoming dispirited. We talked on the phone for quite a while. She is thinking of getting a dog. We always had dogs as she was growing up, but she has been without a pet since she left for college and is now on her own. We also discussed having meaningful activity. We talked about the possibility of her volunteering so she can feel she is doing something of value even as she is looking for employment. We agreed that being without a routine is not good and establishing some regular activities may help her. I pray for her. I pray for the man she loves.


My sponsees are on my heart.
Each individual that God has brought into my life is precious to me. What a blessing it is to me to be speaking with them and working steps with them using the Alcoholics Anonymous program in some instances and the Al-anon program in others. In some cases, it is very slow going, but I know God is in charge and patience, honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness will ultimately take us where we need to go.


God is on my heart.
The best prayer and meditation for me is often just being still in the presence of God. Sometimes, I just tell myself to turn off my thoughts with the exception of thinking, "I'll just sit here in the presence of God. I'll just let God pour into me." This fills my heart with joy and satisfaction.


My blogging companions are on my heart.
Those of you that I have met in this blog world have revealed yourselves to me in your blogs. I honor each of you and value what you share. I thank you for your honesty and I appreciate the time involved in your sharing.


Prayer is on my heart.
I'm praying!
Prayer Girl