First - thank you Dream Dancer for this blog award.
I appreciate the award and your kind words written on your blog.
Love you much.
"FEAR OF PEOPLE AND OFECONOMIC INSECURITY
WILL LEAVE US"
("Alcoholics Anonymous", p. 84 - 9th 9th step promise)
I just realized that I never finished my blog series on the 9th step promises. The last one written was the 8th promise and that was blogged on 9/13/09. Life has sidetracked me. I'm ready, at least for today, to pick up where I left off. That brings me to the 9th promise, "Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us."
In the beginning of my sobriety I was filled with fears of all kinds. Many of them were nameless, but there were plenty I could put a label on. I was unemployed and unemployable at the end of my drinking. Eventually I did get a job, but it paid barely over minimum wage. Within a year or so I was separated and then divorced. I had two children to care for and though I got the house, I also got the mortgage. My car was old and prone to breaking down. I was in constant fear that I would not be able to pay my bills. I was forever filling out pieces of paper with lines down the center. On one side would be the income figures and on the other side of the line the expenses. It was always in the red and worried and talked about it a lot. But somehow I always managed to pay the bills month after month and year after year. Over the years my income increased and God continued to meet my financial needs in His way. Through these experiences, I have lost that fear of economic insecurity. I know today that God will take care of me as long as I do my part.
The job I found was surely God-sent, but that did not prevent me from fearing the people I worked for and with. I was in fear that I would not do a good enough job, fear that I would disappoint my employer. I was even fearful of other people in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. I know now that most of my fear of people stemmed from my perfectionism, people-pleasing personality, and plain old low self-esteem. I was afraid to approach people talking in groups after an AA meeting. I was sure that my presence would be intrusive. What a horrible feeling. It probably took at least a year for that to improve. I finally came to believe that people really could just like me the way I was. I know now that I came to this belief when I finally accepted and liked myself.
These changes in me came about as a result of not drinking and working the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. What a miracle it is to watch a life be transformed as the result of doing the work required by the steps. I experienced this miracle myself and am awed every time I watch these same changes in a sponsee or other newcomer.
How grateful I am to live a life without the burden of overwhelming fears. There is power in the steps - of that I am sure.
Prayer Girl
(Photo credit: against the tide by midnightskies7 at deviant art.com)
I just realized that I never finished my blog series on the 9th step promises. The last one written was the 8th promise and that was blogged on 9/13/09. Life has sidetracked me. I'm ready, at least for today, to pick up where I left off. That brings me to the 9th promise, "Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us."
In the beginning of my sobriety I was filled with fears of all kinds. Many of them were nameless, but there were plenty I could put a label on. I was unemployed and unemployable at the end of my drinking. Eventually I did get a job, but it paid barely over minimum wage. Within a year or so I was separated and then divorced. I had two children to care for and though I got the house, I also got the mortgage. My car was old and prone to breaking down. I was in constant fear that I would not be able to pay my bills. I was forever filling out pieces of paper with lines down the center. On one side would be the income figures and on the other side of the line the expenses. It was always in the red and worried and talked about it a lot. But somehow I always managed to pay the bills month after month and year after year. Over the years my income increased and God continued to meet my financial needs in His way. Through these experiences, I have lost that fear of economic insecurity. I know today that God will take care of me as long as I do my part.
The job I found was surely God-sent, but that did not prevent me from fearing the people I worked for and with. I was in fear that I would not do a good enough job, fear that I would disappoint my employer. I was even fearful of other people in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. I know now that most of my fear of people stemmed from my perfectionism, people-pleasing personality, and plain old low self-esteem. I was afraid to approach people talking in groups after an AA meeting. I was sure that my presence would be intrusive. What a horrible feeling. It probably took at least a year for that to improve. I finally came to believe that people really could just like me the way I was. I know now that I came to this belief when I finally accepted and liked myself.
These changes in me came about as a result of not drinking and working the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. What a miracle it is to watch a life be transformed as the result of doing the work required by the steps. I experienced this miracle myself and am awed every time I watch these same changes in a sponsee or other newcomer.
How grateful I am to live a life without the burden of overwhelming fears. There is power in the steps - of that I am sure.
Prayer Girl
(Photo credit: against the tide by midnightskies7 at deviant art.com)
