Sunday 11/15/09 - "BE CAREFUL OF YOUR THOUGHTS"

"BE CAREFUL OF YOUR THOUGHTS"

Be careful of your thoughts

For your thoughts become your words.

Be careful of your words

For your words become your actions.

Be careful of your actions

For your actions become your habits.

Be careful of your habits

For your habits become your character.

Be careful of your character

For your character becomes your destiny.
- - author unknown

WHAT IT WAS LIKE:
I was filled with thoughts of limitation, unworthiness, fear, and emptiness.
The words that left my mouth reflected self-doubt, being less than, and self-deprecation.
I feared to act boldly and quit even when I had success within my grasp.
These thoughts, words, and actions were habitually woven throughout all areas of my life.
The result of such negativity was my choice to use alcohol to cope - eroding my character.
My destiny seemed sealed in destruction as my alcoholism progressed.

WHAT HAPPENED? I FOUND SOBRIETY! I CHANGED!
I became filled with thoughts of sobriety, hope, freedom, happiness, and joyousness.
Words like God, love, you (not me), peace, beautiful, more than, found their way into expression.
I took the actions of the twelve steps, turning my life over to God, searching my character, and righting myself with others.
I developed the habit of steps 10, 11, and 12 - reviewing my actions daily, praying and meditating, and living the principles of the Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon programs.
Over the years of maintaining these habits, my character has been strengthened and my relationship with God has grown.
My destiny is unknown to me, but I do know that it is blessed.

Love you all,
Prayer Girl

Saturday 11/14/09 - "PRAYING WITH CANDLES"

SIX WORD SATURDAY

PRAYING WITH CANDLES
AND LOVING IT!

Friday 11/13/09 - "I REMEMBER"

FLASH FICTION FRIDAY 55

"I REMEMBER"

I remember:
Mom and me hugging, kissing till my first puppy barked in jealousy and we giggled with glee.

Playing cowgirl on my horse - my little bicycle equipped with holster with toy rifle, saddlebags, the works.

Roaming with friends through a deserted mansion - weaving stories of the lives of unseen people who had lived there.

Prayer Girl

Flash Fiction Friday 55
is a story written in exactly 55 words.
Let the G-Man know if you write one
and read the ones of your fellow writers.

Thursday 11/12/09 - "NOT BUMPER STICKERS, BUT BUTT-KICKERS"

"NOT BUMPER STICKERS, BUT BUTT-KICKERS"

I was asked to prepare a topic for our Tuesday Al-Anon meeting. I chose a section from "Opening our Hearts - Transforming our Losses", the reader we use for this meeting.

I picked "Making use of the slogans", p. 148-149. A few sentences shouted out to me and gained my attention. Here are a few of them.

"...the simplicity of our slogans is what makes them so effective."

"If we are having a hard time focusing our attention, we can simply turn to the slogans."

"Al-Anon slogans and phrases are quick reminders for us to stop whatever we are doing and focus on some aspect of taking care of ourselves."

"When fears about the future bombard us, "One Day at a Time" and "Let Go and Let God" can help us focus on this day, this moment."

"Our slogans can help calm us when we are anxious."
________________________________

The slogans serve me well when the s--t is hitting the fan and I am in crisis dealing with chaotic emotions and thoughts. These one-liners are often what come to mind when the head is swirling. The simplicity of the ideas they express make them manageable. Sometimes what I need to remember is to just KEEP IT SIMPLE or remind myself - EASY DOES IT!

Here are a few things I heard in this meeting.

The slogans aren't just bumpers stickers, they're butt-kickers.
The slogans aren't just slogans, they are profound advice.
Slogans are life savers - not concrete building blocks.

________________________________
Even though these slogans are short, that is no indication that they are of lesser value.

We talked about LET IT BEGIN WITH ME. We needed to take responsibility for ourselves, for our own lives - that responsibility had to begin with each one of us.

I then thought about shortening this phrase to LET IT BE. I was thinking about how often I have to let things be what they are. If I am powerless and cannot control a situation or cure someone, then I need to let it be. (surrender) I can use the Serenity Prayer and ask God to grant me the courage to change anything I can and ask for the wisdom to know what that might be, but otherwise I need to accept it - LET IT BE.

I spent many years before recovery denying, distorting, ignoring my feelings. When I found recovery and had worked the 12 steps, I came to understand how important it was to feel my feelings. If I stuff them, they will corrupt me and make me sick. I also learned that if I allow my feelings expression, they will eventually pass.

JUST FOR TODAY I need to LET IT BE!

Another one-liner that can help put things in perspective is HOW IMPORTANT IS IT?
Is it a lump in your oatmeal?
Is it a lump in your throat?
Is it a lump in your breast?

A non recovery one-liner that a lot of us heard from our mothers was:
YOU MADE YOUR BED, NOW YOU MUST LIE IN IT.

Today, my response to this idea is that I don't have to lie in that bed. I can throw the bed out, sleep in a different bed, buy a new bed, or sleep on an inflatable mattress. I have learned new ways of dealing with life and I like it. :)

NIGHT ALL!
Prayer Girl

Wednesday 11/11/09 - "I WISH!!!"

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY
"I WISH!!!!!!!!!!!"

Prayer Girl

Tuesday 11/10/09 - "AN UNEXPECTED GIFT"

"AN UNEXPECTED GIFT"

I never know what will happen when I show up to volunteer at the hospital. Sometimes I am assigned to one of the two towers of the hospital and sometimes the other. I never know whether there will be a lot of people requesting pastoral visits or just a few. My priority is to visit those requesting pastoral care first before seeing those admitted more recently.

Today, the tower that tends to be the more difficult (in my opinion) and is generally assigned to the gentleman I shadowed when I first started, was the one I was assigned. My mentor was sick. There were a lot of requests for visits.

The very first woman I saw turned out to be a blessing, a gift to me. As I entered her room, it was dark and quiet. I softly called out her name and she beckoned me to enter. I told her who I was and why I was there. She said she would like me to visit. She apologized right away because she was feeling very sick, nauseous, and was sucking on some type of medication to relieve the nausea.

I sat down and asked her some general questions about herself. She quietly answered. After several minutes I asked if I could hold her hand, she said yes, and I took hold of her right hand with my left one. She gripped mine strongly and I placed my right hand over our clasped hands. We just sat in the silence, in the darkened room, this way, for what seemed a long time. In that silence, she suddenly said to me, "You have a gift". I was surprised and told her, "Yes, I do. I have a healing touch." I told her it was the first time I could remember someone saying that to me so spontaneously. She told me it surprised her that I took hold of her right hand. She said a year previously she had broken a finger on that right hand and when it healed had physical therapy. But there was pain that remained in that finger. When I held her hand that pain left. I had been praying in my mind as I usually do as I held her hand.

We held hands and talked a little longer. She was waiting to be taken for some type of procedure using a scope inserted down her esophagus. Near the end of the visit, we prayed. I asked her if there was anywhere else she wished me to touch and she immediately asked for a hug. I took her in my arms and as we embraced I found tears coming to my eyes. She said, "Please don't cry" and I told her they were tears of joy. She then told me she was feeling better in general. I walked out of this young woman's room (she was 36) feeling as though my feet were not touching the floor. I have felt lifted up the rest of the day.

All I can say now is, "Thank you God for this beautiful gift you have given me." It gives hope and relief, peace and calm to troubled people, people in pain. And what it does for me is indescribably wonderful. I am humbled to have been blessed in this way. I am filled with gratitude.

I share this story that it might uplift others as it lifts me up.

Prayer Girl

P.S. I did go to the gym after volunteering - first time in almost two weeks. It felt good and I'm so glad I followed through. It boosts my confidence to do what I know is good for me, to take care of myself.

Monday 11/9/09 - "A QUICK BLOG"

"A QUICK BLOG"

This is not a picture of me - wrong age - but she looks how I feel today. I feel pretty darn good.

Yesterday was another jam packed day. It began with my home group Al-Anon meeting where we talked a lot about boundaries. That would be a blog for another time. It was a great topic and a great meeting.

I met with a sponsee to work on step 10. We are using the Al-Anon book, "Paths to Recovery". It never ceases to amaze me how people gradually change. They read a step, answer questions, we discuss, they continue to live life one day at a time, go to meetings, call their sponsor and other program friends, develop a relationship with their higher power, and - - they begin to get better.

After that meeting I saw sweet daughter at the treatment facility. Hubby and I went and it was so wonderful to see her. We saw her room, the areas where she is living her life for this month. We sat outside in the cool breezes and talked about whatever came to mind. Her sponsor was there when we arrived. Oh happy day! The half hour blew by too quickly. I know I will see her again before next visiting day somewhere at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting just like I did on Saturday. The ladies from the center were brought to the noon women's meeting I attend regularly.

Fast forward through to today. I am leaving for the hospital soon. I have not been to the gym in about two weeks and I vow I'm going after volunteering. Please hold me to it, bloggers. After that, I'll be meeting up with Mr. Steve for my favorite Starbucks latte.

A little cooler weather is scheduled to arrive in a day or two. I'm excited and eagerly look forward to that with happy anticipation.

I am grateful today - grateful:
to be able to live in the moment more frequently than I used to

to believe in the power of prayer and to pray often

to have candles in my family room that I can light and watch the smoke drift to heaven with my prayers mingled there

for the tremendous love I feel and joyfully act upon for my husband, daughter, son, and son's wife

for my kitty and doggy - may they develop peace and maybe even some companionship between them

for my blogging community, my blogger friends

Love and prayers,
Prayer Girl