Thursday 5/13/10 - "SHEPHERD ME, O GOD"

SHEPHERD ME, O GOD

Shepherd me, O God,
beyond my wants,
beyond my fears,
from death into life.

listen here:

Life can take us into waters that seem sure to drown us. Sometimes life's challenges seem like a fire that will surely burn us to ashes. We feel weak, fearful, unsure, lost, abandoned. Those of us who have walked through these dark places to the other side are called to be a beckoning beacon of light for those finding themselves on a frightening journey.

My alcoholism brought me to a place of despair and hopelessness. Many of the blogs I read are written by people who have also experienced days and nights of darkness - alcoholism, drug addiction, abuse. This may sound melodramatic, but for those of us who have been there, it is no exaggeration. We were trapped in situations that no matter what we thought, did, or said, we were unable to escape.

God is the source of my hope and the power that brought me slowly and gently out of the pit of Hell and into light and health. As He led me I was often unaware at the time of his gentle guidance, but in the retrospect of many years I can now see some of the ways He was there. I have learned that most of the time I do not know what is best for me, but God always knows what is best. The moment I surrendered my illusion of power over alcohol or much of anything else, realized how desperately I needed help, and handed the entirety of my life over to a power greater than myself, He was able to do for me what I was unable to do for myself.

God is my great and gentle "Shepherd". He led me to Alcoholics Anonymous where I found sobriety. He has led me into deeper and deeper levels of sobriety and given me the grace to be able to share some of what He has given me with others. I share my faith and trust as I share my experience, strength, and hope. I know many who are struggling - sponsees, friends, bloggers. I write this blog for them. There is hope. It is possible to navigate the deep waters without drowning and to emerge from the flames unscathed. I hope this blog will bring a measure of comfort.

Recently I have had trouble sitting down and writing a blog. A dear sponsee, L, told me this morning she looks often for my next blog to lift her spirit. I got motivated.

L finds herself in a most difficult time and being led to take steps that will be some of the most painful of her life. I love her and this blog is for her and the many others in deeply troubling circumstances. God is shepherding her, shepherding all of us out of the darkness and into the radiance of the light if we ask Him.

God bless L and all of my blogger friends.

Prayer Girl

(Photo credits: On the Waters of Bleached Rock by pastseeker@deviantart.com)

Monday 3/22/10 - "THIS DAY"

"THIS DAY"

This day I choose to remember:

Where I came from. I was a hopeless drunk on her way to death sooner rather than later. Alcohol had snared me up into it's deadly trap.

The miracle of sobriety. God reached out with his miracle healing love and offered me the precious gift of sobriety. I reached out and grabbed hold of that gift.

Life is not always as I would choose it to be, but I can choose the attitudes I will hold as I walk through each day one-day-at-a-time.

God will never desert me. God will never give me more than I can handle WITH HIS HELP. There may be times when I doubt the truth of this statement, but if I will look back at my experience, strength, and hope I will know it is, in fact, true.

God holds closely those I love. They have a Higher Power and that power loves them with the force and energy of creation.

If one-day-at-a-time seems too long a time to handle, I can live life one hour-at-a-time or even one-minute-at-a-time.

I am powerless over other people, places, and things. I am powerless over their choices and behaviors. Rather than allow that to drive me crazy I can decide to turn them over to God with a trusting heart.

It is my responsibility to deal with my resentments. I can choose to allow them to take root in the soil of my soul and cut off the sunlight from the spirit or I can get to work with the tools of my Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon programs such as sharing with another recovering person how I am feeling and what I am thinking, forgiving the other person, praying for them, and asking God for help.

God will be with me as I visit patients in the hospital.

God will give me the strength for today even though I slept very little last night.

Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: Beauty and Death Unmasked by incoldmirrors)

Wednesday, 8/5/09 - "TIRED, TURNING IT OVER, TRUSTING GOD"

(Me!)

"TIRED, TURNING IT OVER, TRUSTING GOD"

Life is happening too quickly for me. It's throwing more curve balls all at the same time than I can comfortably cope with. When I am out of my 'comfort zone' for too long, it affects me in a less than favorable way.

There have been extremely difficult situations recently that involve more than a few of my loved ones. They have pulled my 'mother' and 'wife' strings taut - almost to the point of breaking. However, no breakage has occurred and I credit my 24 years in Alcoholics Anonymous and 5 years in Al-Anon for that.

My daughter has come face to face with a personal crisis and needed major changes in her life.
My son's wife was hit by a car while on her bicycle.
My husband blogged about his situation in the heat.

Bottom lines:
Daughter has been scooped up into the loving arms of God and I believe He is firmly guiding her.

Daughter-in-law spent hours in the ER, but was not hospitalized, has had surgery for a broken nose, just found out her knee did not sustain a tear or break and will heal without surgery.

Husband 'survived' heat exhaustion.

MY BOTTOM LINE:
I am very tired. My spirits are not tired, but my body is.
I continue to turn everything over -- daughter, son, daughter-in-law, and husband.
I trust God and will never stop - never!

I have been involved with a lot of activities that are not usually on my plate. I have managed to blog at least something most days. I have been unable to do much commenting. I am trying to read as many blogs as possible. I know that you wonderful bloggers will understand.

Loving you all,
Prayer Girl

Monday 6/29/09 - "GRATITUDE TODAY"

"GRATITUDE TODAY"

It's been a while since I have posted a gratitude list. I am very grateful and this is why.

I am grateful for all the wildflowers I saw along the side of the highways and byways as we traveled to Illinois, North Carolina, West Virginia, and back to Florida. As I've described before, I am a very visual person and sights such as wildflowers on the road or in the meadows and mountains, fill my heart to overflowing. I see God in every petal.

I am grateful for the two sponsees I met with today. One I sponsor in Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon and the other in Al-Anon. They are both such a joy to me. It is wonderful to be able to listen, to speak, and to connect with God together.

I am grateful for the lady in Al-Anon who is lonely, has lived a life of despair in the past and desires to move to a more positive place in her life who called me yesterday. I was sitting in church several hours after her call and she came and sat with me. Today she was at a meeting I attended, approached me with a hug to say hello, and told me what she felt when we were together was that I loved her. My response was immediate. I told her, "I do love you." I then added, "The God in me loves the God in you." It doesn't get much better than that.

I am grateful that my toe no longer hurts, only 'bothers' me at times. The black and blue or purple has faded and time will tell whether I will lose the nail.

I am grateful that my friend Elizabeth that I have blogged about and asked your prayers for has gotten some current results of her chemotherapy. Her liver tumors are shrinking. She had appearance of more blood and had a colonoscopy to see if that cancer had returned. Thank God it was negative for recurrence of tumors.

I am grateful that I am growing in my trust and faith in my God. I believe I have only begun to scratch the surface of what God can and will do in my life.

I am grateful for every opportunity God gives me to be of use to others.

I am grateful for my belief that my daughter will find a job soon.

I am grateful that the 4th of July is approaching and I am beginning that annual joyful anticipation of another AA anniversary - 24th coming up.

I am grateful for Mr. Steveroni and for each day God has blessed us with continued sobriety and life together.

I am grateful for the bloggers that I am getting to know through reading, commenting on, receiving comments from, and actually meeting some face to face.

I am grateful beyond description for God's mysteries being revealed to me. I am filled with delight and it leaves me feeling very humble.

I am grateful that God hears and cares about my prayers.

I am grateful to be,
Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: Wildflowers 101 by RevMac)

Sunday, 5/17/09 - "GRATEFUL SUNDAY"

(Remember - nothing is impossible)

"GRATEFUL SUNDAY"

My heart is filled to overflowing with gratitude.

I am grateful that with God nothing is impossible.

Friday night after attending a benefit for a friend with liver cancer, watching the Farrah Fawcett special all about her cancer, anticipating the purchase of a vehicle, I had one of those nights with almost no sleep. I don't do well with little sleep. Since I couldn't sleep, I got up and went to the early 7:00 Alcoholics Anonymous meeting with Mr. Steveroni before heading up the road to buy our new RAV4.

I am grateful that when we got home I was able to take a two hour nap that revived me enough to enjoy the rest of yesterday.

I am grateful that I got a good night's sleep last night and feel wonderfully rested this morning.

I am grateful for my friends, sponsees, and all the recovering people God has brought my way - both face-to-face and in the blog world.

I am grateful that today, Sunday, I have awakened to a beautiful sunny morning. Everything outside is green instead of parched brown. Our Florida summer rains have finally begun after a long stretch of very dry conditions.

I am grateful to be going to mass shortly and then to my home group Al-Anon meeting.

I am grateful Mr. Steveroni and I will be going to a birthday party for an AA friend this afternoon where we will see others we know and enjoy good company and good food. We'll be taking our "famous, handed-down-in-the-family recipe", finely- very finely - chopped coleslaw.

I am grateful for the invitation, grateful that people like our company, and grateful that I have progressed enough that I can go and have a good time.

I am grateful for my faithful readers. I am grateful for all those who comment. I am just grateful to have been given the gift of sobriety before my brain became "wet", can still think, and have the ability to write.

I am grateful for my faith and trust in God.....that He will continue to give me the power to stay sober, that He is leading me down a path that allows me to always grow and change, that my life continues to get better and better, and that He gives me the ability to help others.

Gratefully,
Prayer Girl

Wednesday, 4/22/09 - "GRATEFUL"

(Photo credit: Lettuce Head by Donna Eaton - I'm just hanging out with lettuce head!)

"GRATEFUL"

I attended an Al-Anon meeting today. It is a discussion meeting based on an Al-Anon book "Opening our Hearts Transforming our Losses". The girl who led the meeting celebrated 6 years in the program today and she chose the topic "GRATITUDE", from pages 170 - 172.

This is an excerpt (p. 171) from the reading:

"How do we practice gratitude? Some members have found it helpful to write a gratitude list on a regular basis. Others have developed a daily practice of saying thank you for small things, even for difficult moments and what they have to teach us. We learn to trust that we are exactly where we are supposed to be at this very moment. Pain and joy often coexist side by side. Gratitude is not about ignoring life's problems and difficulties. Rather, it's about recognizing that life isn't all or nothing."

For me:
I am grateful that when I am sad or feel grief, I don't have to run from those feelings. I can move through them and I have the tools of the program to help me do this.

I am grateful for the tools of Alcoholics Anonymous and of Al-Anon and my ability to use them. I use prayers - the serenity prayer and calling out to God for help as well as the phone to call my sponsor and other program friends. I can use the steps to remember my powerlessness, to turn my will and my life over to the care of God, or to make amends. I can utilize the slogans and "Let Go and Let God", put "First Things First", remember that "There but for the Grace of God Go I", and I can "Keep it Simple".

I am grateful that I have learned how to calm myself, to find serenity and peace of mind in the middle of upset.

I am so grateful that I can enter an AA or Al-Anon meeting and find myself in the midst of friends, be they people I know or total strangers, and find myself speaking a common language with them.

I am grateful that in AA and Al-Anon meetings I feel safe and have developed a sense of trust.

I am grateful for the journey God has led me on so far and I trust His future guidance.

I am grateful for my recovery and the spiritual connection it has created.

I am grateful that God is holding me and those I love in His hands.

I am grateful for the power of prayer.

Prayer Girl

Thursday, 4/16/09 - "GRATITUDE AWARD"

I thank Jess Mistress of Mischief for this Gratitude Award. I love her blog, Journey of the Spirit of Hope..trudging the road of happy destiny! You can go on over and see it - just (click here).

"GRATITUDE AWARD"

We create the world we 'see'.
Our attitudes shape our realities.

Since I received a Gratitude Award it is only fitting that my blog be about my gratitude.

• I am grateful for the change in how I see the world and the attitudes I hold today.

• I am grateful that I no longer see the world through eyes that desire to run, hide, or leave this world.

• I am grateful that today I see the world through the eyes of faith, trust, and hope.

• I have gratitude that I see the glass as half full - not half empty. Whenever that view begins to shift to 'less than', I have the tools to shift the perspective back to 'more than'.

• I am grateful for developing a belief in the power of prayer and the willingness to utilize that power.

• I am grateful that through experience I know that God answers prayer.

• I am grateful for Alcoholics Anonymous which saves my life and Al-Anon that expands the richness of my life, of my relationships.

• I am grateful for the 12 steps that showed me the path to my God.
  

• I am grateful that I ws able to finally set aside my "contempt prior to investigation", use affirmations, and experience their power.

• I am grateful for delicious Vanilla Lattes and Caramel Macchiato espresso drinks.

• I am grateful for my husband - that God saw fit that we meet, that we recognized His hand in our relationship, and that we sealed our lives as one the day we married.

• I am grateful for God's hand guiding my son and his new wife to seal their lives as one.

• I am grateful that my world of wonderful possibilities grows daily.

• I am grateful for the inspiration I find in the writings of my blog friends.

• I am grateful for each sponsee and recovering friend God brings into my life.

• I am grateful for the deep spiritual connections recovery has allowed me to experience.

• I am grateful for God's help with each poem and blog that I write and each picture I paint.

• I am grateful for God's unconditional love for and guidance given me, my husband, my children, and the bloggers I have met - especially those with serious health, relationship, financial, or other difficulties.

• I am grateful to be "Prayer Girl".

(Photo credit: woman praying by David MacDonald)