Thursday 1/28/10 - "TURNING IT OVER"

"TURNING IT OVER"

"I know I am powerless to deal with my problem by myself. The more I struggle to work it out, the more difficult it becomes. I know that Divine Power can deal with matters which are beyond me. I will try to empty my mind of all fear."

"God does not deprive us of His love; we deprive Him of our cooperation. God would never reject me if I had not first rejected his love." (St. Francis de Sales)

(From: "One Day at a Time in Al-Anon" January 28, p. 28)

Why do I keep forgetting that I am powerless not only over alcohol, but over all of my problems as well? Is it because I'm human? Is it because my mind is like a sieve - it leaks and I forget? Or is it because my default position programmed into me as a child is one of fear and depression?

It's all of the above. I will not master these facts in this lifetime. Therefore, I need to continue to grow in my spiritual connection to God. I need to continue to work my Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon programs. I must live the steps of those programs, go to meetings, work with others, and stay connected with the messages of these programs. If I fail to do my part, I will slip back into old thinking and old behaviors. This produces fear, worry, and depression.

What did I do yesterday to do my part? I went to the dentist which was taking care of myself. I met with an Al-Anon sponsee and we completed her 12th step. How spiritual it is for me to watch someone else's spiritual awakening happen.

What am I doing today to do my part? I have spoken with an AA friend and will see her at an AA meeting at noon. She called to invite me to a 'game night' at her home this Saturday night. I will go and be around other recovering friends having fun. That will be good for my spirit. Before I started this blog, I spent an hour on the phone with an AA/Al-Anon sponsee. Her life in the past few years has been filled with devastation - the loss of a son, very ill elderly parents, and more. She is now rounding the bend, coming to terms with her difficulties and even experiencing some joy and hope in her life. I am thanking God for her progress.

Today daughter has a second interview (a panel interview) for a job. She has been unemployed and unable to find a job for a year and a half. I am turning it over - and over and over. I know that she has done all that she can do to do her best. I told her if she gets the job, it was meant to be and if she doesn't, it wasn't meant to be. I need to repeat this to myself over and over.

Pray for her. Her interview is today at 3 p.m.

God bless your day.

Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: Peculiar Storm by GeeeO@deviantart.com)

Monday 12/14/09 - "GUARD YOUR HEARTS AND MINDS"

"GUARD YOUR HEARTS AND MINDS"

"The Lord is near. Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds..."
(Philippians 4:5-7)

Sometimes I don't do such a great job of guarding my own heart and mind. There are times when my thoughts turn to the negative or anxiety creeps in. There can be anxieties about relationships, health, or perhaps financial concerns. It makes me sick. Anxiety robs me of my peace of mind, serenity, and stands in the way of my usefulness to God.

Having taken all the steps and being at step 12, my purpose is to carry the message of the 12 steps to other alcoholics, to others in general, and to practice what I have learned in Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon. I can't do this effectively when I am in the grips of fear and worry.

God is my answer. I can take my concerns to God in prayer. I can take my gratitude to God in thanksgiving. I can ask God to guard my heart and mind.

I will pray tonight and again tomorrow morning that I may be an instrument of God's peace when I visit patients in the hospital.

Love to all my blogger friends,
Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: By Katiebar15)

Tuesday 10/20/09 - "PURPOSES"

"PURPOSES"

God saved me from an alcoholic death. I could draw a line down the center of a piece of paper and list on one side of the line all the people in the world who have found sobriety. My name would be among them. I could then list on the other side of the line all those who have not found sobriety. If I then held that paper up and looked, the number of people not sober would be so very large that it would be impossible to even see the names of the sober individuals. (I heard this description from a well known Alcoholics Anonymous speaker, Sister Maurice.)

That kind of mental visual impresses me greatly. It reinforces my belief that I was saved for a reason. I have received a glimpse of God's purposes in my life as my sobriety has unfolded and as events have occurred.

These are some of the things I believe God saved me to do:

First and most importantly, I have an obligation and a desire to fulfill the 12th step of my Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon programs. It tells me that I am to carry the message of sobriety to other alcoholics and the message of hope to those affected by someone else's alcoholism. I am to "pass it on".

God's purpose for me has been to watch my children grow and be present for their graduations from high school and college. I was meant to be whatever example I am to the two of them. It was meant for me to be able to share in the joy of my son finding a woman he loves and to be at their wedding. It is God's will that I be able to shed some guiding light into the life of my daughter who is finding her way out of confusion.

God led me to join the catholic church. It was in that church that God first brought to my awareness my gift of a healing touch. I would never have predicted this outcome of my sobriety. It is God's purpose that I use this gift.

I sense God's purpose somewhere in all of the happenings of my life. I assume that "if it is happening, it must be God's will". I do my best to keep the following truths in my mind as I live one-day-at-a-time.

One - God has His purposes.

Two - God's purposes are often none of my business. I don't need to know what they are. I just need to seek to do God's will.

Three - I must not limit God. If God has a purpose for me to fulfill, then God will give me the power to carry it out.

Living God's purpose for my life today,

Prayer Girl

Wednesday 8/19/09 - "WE WILL NOT REGRET"

"WE WILL NOT REGRET"

"WE WILL NOT REGRET THE PAST
NOR WISH TO SHUT THE DOOR ON IT"
(Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 83 - the 2nd 9th step promise)

When I first got sober it took a while to move my mind out of the past. I hashed over and over in my head the sadness, tears, confusion, mental and emotional pain, and failures I thought defined my life in its entirety. As the months and years passed, I was able to move out of the past and into the present that was improving slowly, but surely.

I had many regrets that my life had turned out as it did. As I worked the steps, I looked deeply into myself and discovered that my problems weren't totally of everybody else's making as I had been so sure was the case. I became able to see that in very large part I created my own problems. Not knowing how to live life on life's terms, I turned to behaviors, ways of thinking, and coping skills that may have served me at some point, but eventually failed me entirely and resulted in my turning to alcohol as the final solution to my problems. This led to near disaster.

By the time I worked the 12th Step I had found a new relationship with God. I felt God forgave me, I made amends to those people I had harmed, and I began to forgive myself. I had accepted my life. This acceptance has grown over the years.

Today, I know that God has been in my life always. I know that every experience I have had - good and bad - God has used to help me grow or to help someone else. I no longer regret.

Prayer Girl