Wednesday 4/21/10 - "STILL GRATEFUL"

"STILL GRATEFUL"

So much is happening in my life and the lives of those I love that I wasn't able to blog today. Tonight I am choosing to post some of the gratitude that is in my heart.

I am grateful I found the picture on this blog that I also made my desktop background for a while. It is full of joy, light, and happiness. I love it. It makes me feel good.

I am grateful that daughter who is in a world of hurt, fear, and disappointment over her new job is praying to God for help.

I am grateful that hubby and I pray for our daughter's situation and have enlisted others to pray too.

I am so grateful that I know God has the situation covered and one way or another things will be O.K.

I am grateful to have been able to share my healing touch and sensitivity with a hurting friend today.

I am thankful for the steps and principles I have learned in Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon. They have made my life worth living. They are tools for living that really work.

I am thankful that after a sleepless night that left me dragging today I was able to take a 1 1/2 hour deep sleep nap this afternoon that allowed me to enjoy the rest of the day and evening.

I am thankful for the walk daughter's dog, Lucky, and I took in the cool of the evening.

I am grateful for my health and the health of my loved ones.

I am thankful that son and his wife had a safe, relaxing, and happy vacation in Las Vegas.

I am grateful for my, my husband's, and my daughter's sobriety.

I am grateful for the Al-Anon meeting I attended today.

I am thankful to those who read my blog and I am thankful for your blogs.

Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: Yellow Tulips by Robert F Wilson-Kodak picture of the day)

Monday 4/19/10 - "DISCOVERY"

"DISCOVERY"

I'm thinking about what happens on our journey of recovery and the exploration of deeper and deeper levels of ourselves. We discover truths that have been buried most of our lives. There are reasons we have kept them covered up.

My hidden defects were the seeds of my mental, emotional and spiritual illness - the escalation of my alcoholism and my co-dependence. These hidden truths were so grotesque to me that I could not afford to acknowledge them. The more I resisted them, the bigger they grew. I was creating mountains out of molehills and those mountains were crushing me.

In childhood I developed a sense of not being good enough, of being not just imperfect, but worthless. I acquired an internal measuring stick that was always present and caused me to be ever comparing myself to others and forever coming up on the losing end of the measurement. How did this happen? My mother raised her children in what she thought from her own experience was the best way. She was critical, judgmental, and compared us to others frequently. I believe she thought it was constructive criticism, judgments, and comparisons that would show us the way to a good life. It didn't work out that way. It produced low self-esteem and even self-hatred at times.

The twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon allowed me to begin the discovery process that has set me free from the damage of my past. Many of my sponsees are frustrated by the fact that after completing the twelve steps and finding some peace and serenity, they find themselves back at that place again of seeing a defect in themselves that they abhor.

I have heard in the rooms of AA and Al-Anon that the pain is in the resistance. The more I resist new knowledge about myself, the longer it takes to move to a better place mentally, emotionally, and spiritually and the more painful the process is. Just because we find ourselves at a place we label as 'back there again', it is not really that same place. We have just reached a deeper level of awareness that provides the opportunity for further spiritual growth.

What to do when we find ourselves very aware of yet another character flaw?
Be willing to acknowledge, accept, and take action to correct it.
Take care of ourselves.
Be gentle with ourselves.
Hush the self-critical and self-judging voice.
Ask God to reveal character defects and humbly ask Him to remove them.

Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: Revelation by Masterwks@deviantart.com)

Sunday 4/18/10 - "LILIES"

SUNDAY 160

"LILIES"

Third Easter Sunday and lilies still adorn the altar step, standing like trumpets. Heavenly music sings from each delicate blossom. God's voice is loud. I hear.





Prayer Girl

Sunday 160 is brought to you by Monkey Man.

Saturday 4/17/10 - "RED"

SIX WORD SATURDAY


"RED"

RIOT OF RED

RHAPSODY OF SENSES

Prayer Girl

(Photo credits:
The Beauty of Rajasthan by Mukesh Shrivastava-Kodak picture of the day
Fly Agari by Carla Versteege-Kodak picture of the day
Rainy Day Hopscotch by Timothy Toole-Kodak picture of the day
Reflection by Els Bax-Kodak picture of the day
The Red by xblackbutterflyx@deviantart.com)

Friday 4/16/10 - "THE WOOD"

FLASH FICTION FRIDAY 55

"THE WOOD"

Escape from the watchful eyes of her family, a precious delight
Wandering endlessly, dancing, waltzing through the velvet wood
Imagination flowed, willed stronger with all her might
And as she turned on tiptoe light, became all that she could
One with all the richest, vibrant views within her sight
She like butterfly and flower bright

Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: Sounds of joy and innocence by Luna2003@deviantart.com)

Flash Fiction Friday 55 is hosted by G-Man.

Wednesday 4/14/10 - "SPIRIT OF WIND"

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY


"SPIRIT OF WIND"

Prayer Girl

(Photo credits:
Wind by arpagic@deviantart.com
EdeN - The Wind by themian@deviantart.com
Wind trees byTiredMe@deviantart.com
With the wind by lincochuan@deviantart.com
Wind City - Shikul Grove by centauran@deviantart.com)

Tuesday 4/13/10 - "HOLY MOMENTS"

"HOLY MOMENTS"

I returned from the hospital yesterday realizing I had experienced many holy moments during my visits. I knew I had felt the spirit of God. These moments blessed me and I pray they blessed those I sat with. These are just a few of my encounters.

I entered a room calling the name of the person in the second bed. The lady in the first bed told me her roommate spoke no English. The woman I was there to see was a tiny and frail, very black, very old woman sitting in a chair looking out the window. She recognized her name as I called her by turning her head towards me. At the same time a nurse's aide entered the room to take her vitals. She told me the lady spoke no English. I said I would smile at her - a Universal language. I sat with this woman, holding her hand, smiling at her, and when I left, gently kissed her cheek. When I left I knew God had conveyed His presence to her in that Universal language of love.

Something happened yesterday that has never happened before. I missed last Monday when I was home sick. There were two different gentlemen who had requested visits from the pastoral care department that I recognized from visiting two weeks prior. In each case, they had been discharged, had a return of severe symptoms and were readmitted. They were both extremely ill.

When I entered the room of the second man, his daughter, her husband, and their son were all in the room. When this gentleman and I recognized each other, they quietly left. It was good to be alone with him. His lungs were filled with fluid as they had been two weeks before. Each breath he took was shallow. He expressed that he was not afraid of dying, but he was afraid of not getting enough air with each breath he took. This gentleman had many other very serious health issues. God was in that room. I cut to the chase and asked if I could place my hand on his chest and he nodded. He closed his eyes and silently prayed as I prayed my silent prayer that I use whenever I am touching someone. They are planning on placing a port in his lung today that will allow for continual drainage. I pray for him.

The last story I choose to tell concerns a rather reserved and not very talkative woman. She spoke little, but in the course of our visit she asked me what church I went to. Whenever I am asked this I explain that in my role as a pastoral care volunteer, I am non-denominational. I then always explain that I was raised Presbyterian, was Baptist for a while, and became Catholic about 3 years ago. Sometimes people will ask me outright why I converted. I take this question (for right or wrong) to be a cue from God to tell them my story of how the healing touch came to me sitting in a Catholic church after having begun to receive holy communion. I always wonder what people are thinking when I tell this. Sometimes I worry that they think I am a 'nut case'. I am beginning to believe - maybe not. When I was finished telling this story she immediately asked me to place my hand on her chest and I did so. We prayed our silent prayers. She had been admitted through the ER with shortness of breath and chest pain. All tests had indicated she did not have a heart attack. They were to do further testing and I could tell she was frightened. We also prayed aloud together.

What can I say? God is so good to have blessed me with such a beautiful gift. My blessings are so many - my children, my marriage, my sobriety, this gift, so many others. I am grateful.

It is a gorgeous sunny day and I hear the birds singing like crazy outside the open window. I think I'll get ready to move out into this beautiful day. I pray your day is glorious too.

Prayer Girl

(Photo credit: mystic moments by ~nbak@deviantart.com)