Tuesday, 7/21/09 - "A SLATE STILL EMPTY"

(Strange Day)

(Acceptance)

"A SLATE STILL EMPTY"

My mind is still acting a little fuzzy, floating, un-focused. In this state, I think I'll do the same as I did in my last blog and just see what comes up onto the slate of my mind.

1. I'm looking out the window and my slate is filling up with gray. It is a very gray day with raindrops hidden in clouds all around. None have fallen yet, but I feel their moisture in the air and see tiny flashes of lightening skittering about within the clouds. Every now and then I hear a distant, muffled, faintest rumbling. I await nature's coming wet kisses and no matter what sounds there are around me, all are damped by the gray ceiling hanging above.

2. The words, "This can't be happening" are being written across my slate. These words have appeared at some of the worst and best times of my life. My reaction to these most life changing events have been a feeling of unreality - a thought that it could not possibly be happening.

A few examples:

My father is the person who drove me to the treatment center in Avon Park, Florida when I was 39 years old. As he left me sitting in the reception room, I began to cry and believed at that moment I would never stop crying. I could not believe my life had come to this, that this was happening.

The day I put my hands on Mr. Steve's hand and later that night on a friend's back and healing was the result, I thought, "This can't be happening." I was in shock.

Both events, worlds apart, one seemingly the most horrible thing that could happen in my life and the other a wonderful event of huge importance to me turned out to be "God milestones" in my life - God's will.

These "this can't be happening" moments are still happening and now I know:

YES THEY "CAN" BE HAPPENING
YES THEY "ARE" HAPPENING
AND - YES THEY ARE A PART OF GOD'S PERFECT PLAN.

3. Upon my slate comes the word "ACCEPTANCE". This morning I found a little card among the items on my desk with the following well-known sentences from our Big Book, "Alcoholics Anonymous", p. 417:

ACCEPTANCE
"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation - some fact of my life - unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."

I never tire of this passage. I have blogged it before. I love it and I need the repetition of it's meaning in my mind.

The slate is empty now so "good-night",
Prayer Girl

Wednesday, 4/8/09 - "A IS FOR ANGEL"

"A IS FOR ANGEL"

A is for lots of things and ANGEL is one of them. I need my ANGEL, "Morningstar", watching out after my wayward self. When I am wayward, it is usually in my thoughts, attitudes, and temperament. Negativity creeps in (in it's very petty pace), sneaks up on me, and I'm 'off and running' down some back way. Then I call out, "Morningstar", HELP me. What happens? Sometimes a lovely phone call, or I see a beautiful butterfly flutter by, hear a song I dearly love, see a painting that touches my soul, or think to pray. Then I'm back on my trusted way again.

A is for ALCOHOLIC. I have found over the years that I don't know what is good for me. When I first arrived at the doors of ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS (more A words) I thought it was the worst thing that could have happened to me. I now see that it is actually the very best thing that has ever happened. Being an ALCOHOLIC and finding ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS has given me a new life that has rocketed me into the 4th, 5th, 6th, ..... dimensions.

A is for AL-ANON. What a glorious God-given program. Living with alcoholics made me crazy, mentally and emotionally sick, without my knowing it. I was very unhealthy and getting worse year by year long before I became 'one of them' (an alcoholic) myself.

A is for one of the many gifts I have received from Al-Anon, the three A's - AWARENESS, ACCEPTANCE, ACTION give me such hope. Without AWARENESS of myself, others, and my relationships, I remain in everlasting ignorance and without any defense when I am in conflict with myself or others. As painful and difficult as it may be to come out of the darkness of denial, it is only in the light of truth that any positive change can take place. I have stopped fighting and am willing to ALLOW (ah, another A) myself to become AWARE of my own defects and strengths and to be honest about other persons and my relationships with them. I then need to ACCEPT things as they are. I don't have to like them, but ACCEPT I must. Then and only then can I ask God to show me what ACTION I need to take and give me the courage to take it.

AMEN and ALLELUIA are spiritual words that punctuate the way I wish to live my life, think my thoughts, and express my feelings. If I am putting God first and asking that He guide all that I think, say, and do, then AMEN will be on my lips, in my heart, and in my mind always (I will be saying "Yes, God - Your will, not mine!"). I will always be saying, "ALLELUIA" - praise God.

ALWAYS - I am an ALCOHOLIC and will ALWAYS be an ALCOHOLIC. If I remember this and always ACT ACCORDINGLY (another A), then my life will be blessed - blessed in good times and in not so good times.

As you might have guessed, I am very grateful today - As I write this blog I have an ATTITUDE of Gratitude.

Love and prayers,
Prayer Girl

Tuesday, 4/7/09 - TRUDGING "THE ROAD OF HAPPY DESTINY"

(My road leads into the light!)

TRUDGING "THE ROAD
OF HAPPY DESTINY"

A few days I am focused on the 'trudging' part of this phrase, but, more often than not, I am magnifying the "happy destiny" portion.

Trudging can get the upper hand if I am worrying about an outcome - projecting - not living in the NOW. At those times things seem difficult, complicated, overwhelming, and solutions appear out-of-my-grasp.

I have learned how to turn this around by shifting my perspective to a positive attitude - an attitude of gratitude. I do this by using the tools I have learned first in Alcoholics Anonymous and later in Al-Anon. Some of the tools I use are prayer, acceptance, trust, faith, belief, the 12 steps, the 12 traditions, the slogans, the telephone, my sponsor, and meetings.

Today I am living my "happy destiny". I know that as long as I continue to live my AA and Al-Anon programs and freely give away what I have been so freely given, this "road of happy destiny" will take me into forever.

As I have moved down this joyful road, these are just some of the things I have found:

• Freedom from the bondage to alcohol

• Freedom from slavery to people, places, or things

• Freedom from constant fear, worry, and anxiety

• Acceptance in general, acceptance of myself
  

• Serenity, peace of mind, emotional balance

• An intuitive sense of how to deal with people, places, and things that used to terrify me, leaving me feeling powerless, alone, less than, and totally inadequate and filled with fear

• Belief in the power of prayer to actually change my insides and my outer conditions

• Self-love and true love for others
  

• Hope has replaced that hopeless state of mind where despair and dread dwelt always....light has dispelled that darkness

• I am free to be me..........
  

Prayer Girl!

(Photo credit: Dirt Road by DancinPants)