"PERFECTION""Much pain comes from trying to be perfect. Perfection is impossible unless we think of it in a new way: Perfection is being who and where we are today; it's accepting and loving ourselves just as we are. We are each right where we need to be in our recovery.
(From: "The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie, May 11, Perfection, p. 131)
The myth of perfection that I sometimes find myself subscribing to is fueled by my lack of self-esteem.
This expresses itself in thoughts like:
I'm not as good as "A".
OR
My writing isn't as good as "B".
OR
I don't have enough of "X, Y, Z".
And in statements to myself like:
"Boy, was that stupid."
"I am so stupid."
"I must be crazy."
"My goals are hopeless."
This struggle with perfectionism is one of the things that motivated me to go to Al-Anon when I was 19 years sober in Alcoholics Anonymous. That was almost 5 years ago. I was happy and sober, but I was still experiencing painful feelings and discovered how often the kinds of thoughts and mind-statements expressed above occupied my mind.
Up to this point, I was pretty unaware of the fact that this lack of self-esteem was still a problem and preventing me from being everything God intended for me.
I came to understand that it was vitally important to take action to eliminate my self-critical, judgmental, and censoring thinking. Prayer, affirmations, and more use of the "Serenity Prayer" was the beginning of the solution for me.
I am grateful for:
Discovering that the less I judge, criticize, and censor myself harshly - the less I judge, criticize, and censor others.
Being able to be happy with myself even though I am not perfect.
Accepting myself as I am and at the same time being desirous of improving.
Finding medical coverage when my Cobra coverage runs out.
The blessings of family and friends.
Prayer Girl
